005 I Never Loved You

(Maya)

My wing is quiet after Jade settles Lucy into her bed for her morning nap. Lucy went right off to sleep for her.

My body aches in so many places after Cole came to me last night, but my heart feels light for the first time in months.

Cole stayed. He made me declare my love for him. He loves me.

A knock sounds at the private entrance startles me from my thoughts. Who could that be? Tessa is the only one who comes to that entrance and I doubt it’s her after the last time.

When I open it, it’s Rhett. Tessa’s older brother. My childhood sweetheart, teenage dream, whatever you want to call it. That was a long time ago.

I blink at him, stunned to see him at my door.

He’s broader from the military, sunburnt around the edges, dressed down in jeans and a t-shirt. His ice-blue eyes are no less intense. His expression is something between anger and worry.

Here we go. Another lecture from someone who thinks they know what I need better than I do.

“What are you doing here?” My voice is sharp.

I haven’t seen Rhett since he came back and confronted me about eloping with Cole. 

I told him I wasn’t leaving Cole because I was pregnant.

That no promise made by a 13-year-old girl could possibly be taken seriously.

He said he’d come back for me once I’d launched the interior design career I’d dreamed about as a kid.

I always wanted to buy my parents their own home. And do all the design myself. That somehow doing that would stop them from almost tearing each other apart all the time.

That we would finally be a peaceful, happy family.

“I called Tessa to let her know I was in town.” His tone is flat, heavy. “She’s upset and worried for you. She said you won’t listen to her. So I told her I’d try.”

“I don’t need you to try anything,” I snap as I step outside and pull the door shut behind me.

Cole cannot see Rhett in there. “Nobody needs to save me from anything. I know what I’m doing.”

“But maybe you can help save someone. I’ve been with your dad the last few weeks. He’s not good, Maya. He’s worse because you won’t see him. Using more.”

I clench my arms around myself.

Cole’s voice whispers in my head, the threat he made so clear: If you go near that addict, I’ll divorce you. You’ll never see Lucy again.

“Don’t blame me for his problems. He makes his own choices.”

Rhett steps closer. “I served under him. He was my commanding officer. A good man. He needs someone to believe in him, to give him a reason to get clean. That has to be you.”

I shake my head, looking anywhere but at him. “He’s beyond help.”

“No, he isn’t.” Rhett’s voice rises, breaking. “Don’t say that. Don’t you dare write him off. He loves you. He’s drowning and you’re going to watch it happen?”

“He hates the Vances. There’s no way a relationship with him and me can ever work.”

“Do you blame him? Robert Vance took his wife and now Cole Vance has taken his daughter.”

“No one shoved drugs and alcohol into him, that was his choice. You can’t blame Mom for wanting an easier life.”

“Your father gave her everything he had. Literally.”

I shrug. “Rhett, just leave. My life is none of your business.”

“I love you, Maya. You know that. Come with me. You and Lucy. I will take a normal job, come home every night. I’ve never stopped loving you. I’m not sure I even know how.”

“You better figure it out because I don’t love you and I never have. You’re only here because you are jealous of Cole and because it bruised your ego I couldn’t wait for you any longer.”

His face hardens. “You didn’t wait at all. You married him the minute he looked at you. You never wanted marriage, never wanted kids.”

He’s right. I always said that. That’s why Rhett said he’d wait for me to be ready and he’d be back for me.

“I hadn’t heard from you for so long,” I defend.

“I was on an extended mission, you knew that. You wanted your career, your own life. Then I come back and find you married and pregnant. What about your dreams?”

“This is my dream,” I bite out. “I love Cole. He loves me. I’m fine.”

Rhett shakes his head. “No. You’re blind. And you’re a coward, Maya. Because it’s easier to cling to his money and his name than face what’s really happening.”

I can’t stand the look on his face… disappointment, grief, something too close to pity.

So I cut deep. “I never loved you, Rhett. It was just fun, having you follow me around like a puppy. That’s all it ever was. You are acting like an idiot. Just grow the fuck up.”

The words hang between us, heavy and ugly.

He stares at me for a long moment, then looks away.

His voice is quiet when he finally speaks. “You’ll regret saying that. You’ll regret all of this. But by the time you figure it out, it’ll be too late. I won’t ever be back for you again, Maya.”

I almost tell him I’m sorry I said that. But I don’t.

“You’re not the Maya I knew,” he says quietly. “And when you figure out what you’ve done, it’ll be too damn late.”

He turns and walks out without another word.

I go back inside, shaking, the lie still burning on my tongue.

I did love him. So, so much. I was going to wait. But… things just happened that night.

I was drinking alcohol. Cole was intense. Rhett hadn’t been in contact for over a year. Then I was married and pregnant.

What could I do?

But I did love Cole. I still do.

“I’m fine,” I whisper into the silence. “Cole loves me. That’s all that matters.”

I look at the time.

Damn, I’m late with that coffee in the office now.

Better late than never, right?

I quickly set up the tray. Cole is my future.

But Rhett’s words won’t stop echoing: You’ll regret all of this.