Between Hate and Fate

The fire crackles in front of me; flames licking at the sky as Andrei’s pyre burns. The scent of smoke fills the air, and the heat from the blaze is so intense that it almost feels like it’s burning me from the inside out. 

I stand there, frozen in place, clutching the fabric of my black dress as if it can somehow ground me, somehow stop the spinning inside my head. It doesn’t. Nothing does.

Tears blur my vision and I blink them away, refusing to let myself fall apart in front of the pack. I’m their Luna, their leader now, and I can’t show weakness, not even when the man I loved more than anything is nothing but ash and memory. 

But it’s impossible to hide the way my body trembles, the way every breath feels like I’m suffocating under the weight of the grief crushing my chest.

I look up, and there’s Andrei’s face, still so vivid in my mind. His laugh, the way his eyes crinkled at the edges when he smiled. How he would rest his hand on my belly, even before I told him I was pregnant. I never got the chance to share that moment with him. Now, I’ll never get the chance.

I close my eyes and take a breath, but it’s shaky and ragged. My hand instinctively moves to my stomach where his child grows inside me—our child. The secret I carry feels heavier now, more painful. He’ll never know. He’ll never hold them. I’ll never get to see the joy in his eyes when he finds out. It’s just me now.

A tear escapes, rolling down my cheek, and I don’t bother to wipe it away. What’s the point? There’s no pretending I’m okay. I’m not. I’ll never be okay again.

“Luna Katya.”

I hear the voice, but I don’t turn right away. I recognize it—Tomas, Andrei’s Beta. His voice is soft, cautious, but there’s an edge to it, something urgent. I grit my teeth, still staring into the flames. I’m not ready to deal with anything right now. I just need a few more moments with him to say goodbye, even though I know he’s already gone.

Reluctantly, I turn my head, blinking through the tears. His face is set in a grim expression, his eyes hard, and I know whatever he’s about to say isn’t going to help.

“What is it?” I ask, my voice hoarse from crying.

Tomas hesitates, his gaze flicking to the pyre before landing back on me. He swallows, and I can see he’s struggling with his words. “The one responsible… we caught him.”

I stare at him, not quite understanding. It’s like his words are in a different language, taking too long to process in my fog of grief. “What?”

“The Rogue Alpha,” Tomas says, his voice lower now, almost hesitant. “The one who killed Andrei. He’s been caught. We have him in custody and ready for execution.”

The words crash over me, and for a moment, I can’t breathe. Rage, sorrow, confusion—they all swirl inside me, too many emotions to untangle. 

I should be relieved, shouldn’t I? The man who took Andrei from me, from the pack, is going to pay. He deserves it. He deserves to suffer for what he did.

But all I can feel right now is the emptiness left behind where Andrei used to be. Nothing can fix that. Not even revenge.

I shake my head, the words coming out before I even realise what I’m saying. “No.”

Tomas frowns. “No?”

“Not yet.” My voice is firmer now, more steady. I finally turn to face him fully, squaring my shoulders, even though my insides are screaming. “We mourn Andrei first. We honour him before we think about revenge.”

“But, Luna—”

“No!” The word bursts from me with more force than I intended, but I don’t care. “I won’t let this turn into a bloodbath right now. Not while we’re still standing here, grieving him. We mourn him first. We give him the respect he deserves before we deal with that filth.”

Tomas’s jaw tightens, but he nods, though I can see the frustration in his eyes. “As you wish, Luna.”

I turn back to the fire, my chest rising and falling with uneven breaths. My hand presses harder against my stomach, as if I can protect this tiny piece of Andrei I still have left. The fire roars louder, the flames brighter, and I feel like I’m being consumed by it too. I want to scream, to fall apart, but I can’t. Not yet. Not here.

There’s too much I haven’t said. Too much I’ll never get to say. Andrei’s face flashes in my mind again, the way he looked at me like I was his whole world, the way he kissed me like he never wanted to let me go. 

And now he’s gone, just like that. One moment he was here, and the next… nothing. Snatched away by a man who should be dead right now.

I feel the rage building again, but I push it down. It’s too soon. The pack needs me to be strong and in control. I can’t let them see how close I am to breaking.

So I breathe through the pain, and I whisper softly, just for him. “We’ll get our revenge, my love. But not yet.”

Pack members begin to gather, standing in quiet mourning as the flames consume what’s left of their Alpha. I see their pain mirrored in their faces, their uncertainty. They look to me for guidance, but I have none to give. I’m just as lost as they are.

How am I supposed to lead them when I’m broken? 

I hear Tomas’s footsteps retreating behind me, and I know he’ll spread the word. They’ll wait, just as I asked. But it won’t last forever. The pack needs closure. They need justice for Andrei.

And so do I.

But standing here, with the heat of the pyre washing over me, I can’t think of anything except how empty I feel. How this was supposed to be the beginning for us—leading the pack together, starting our family. Now I have nothing but memories and a life inside me that will never know its father.

I take a deep breath, letting the cool night air fill my lungs. I can’t change what happened. I can’t bring him back, but I can make sure his death wasn’t in vain.

“Luna.”

I turn at the sound of the voice, but his tone has shifted, more careful now. His eyes search mine, and I see the question there, the one he hasn’t asked yet.

“Do you want to see him?” he asks quietly. “The Rogue?”

I shake my head immediately. “Not yet, I know I won’t be thinking clearly when I see him. Let the pack all mourn their Alpha. We’ll deal with it after.”

He nods, understanding, and steps back, giving me space again. I appreciate that more than he knows.

As I turn back to the pyre, I whisper one last goodbye. “I’ll always love you.”

I stand at the pyre until the flames start to die down, until there’s nothing left but embers. Andrei is gone, truly gone, but I’ll carry him with me, in my heart and in the life growing inside me.

When the time comes, I’ll face the Rogue. I’ll look him in the eyes and demand answers. But tonight, I need to mourn. We all do.

I walk away from the pyre, my steps heavy, but my resolve clear. Tomorrow will come, and with it, the weight of my new reality. But for now, I let myself grieve the man I loved, the life we lost.

And tomorrow, when the ashes have cooled, I’ll decide what happens next.