Chapter 1

My eyes scanned over the empty space one last time. My stomach tightened as the reality of the situation set in. I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this. Change scared me. I was not an outgoing person at all, never stepped out of my comfort zone, and was anxious as hell, but yet, here I was, bags packed, house empty, moving halfway across the country to Sequoia Village, of all places.

“No turning back now, Ray.” I spoke aloud to myself.

A notification came across my phone. It was HIM. My heart skipped for a second when I saw the name on my screen. Tristan Greene. I scrunched my face, angry that I still let him get to me. He was the reason for all of this, after all. I should have him blocked on everything, but I was too weak for that even though I only got hurt in the end when we stayed in touch.

“Are you really going to leave without saying goodbye?” The message read. What a selfish dick. He wouldn’t commit to me, but wouldn’t leave me alone either. He didn’t want or couldn’t be what I needed, but did just enough to string me along, to keep me interested.

I don’t know if it was ever love. How can you love someone like that? At the same time, my heart was broken.

I honestly used to think that I was the problem. Maybe I wasn’t doing enough. I used to have confidence in myself, thought I was the total package until I met him. One day he cared, the next I wouldn’t even hear from him. The uncertainty of it all had me feeling so low at one point. It made me sick thinking about it. I felt a sadness for myself, for that person that longed for him. I can’t believe I allowed him to treat me like I was nothing.

One day something finally clicked. I woke up and decided I wasn’t going to put up with that anymore. Maybe I was being a little dramatic, but I just couldn’t get over him and be in the same city with the chance of running into him or having a weak moment and making my way over to his place like I so often did. I was also just tired of being here. I wanted to start over fresh. If I ever met another man, it would be too soon. I was so over love. I would miss my family, but I just really needed to get out of here.

“Fuck off,” I started to type. It looked good on the screen, but I wouldn’t actually send it. I erased those words and thought about what to say. Should I even respond? I knew he wanted to see me, try to convince me to stay. He wanted to use my body and then act like I meant nothing.

When we were together, it was great, but when we weren’t, he was like a different person. It pissed me off he still had some control over me.

“This IS goodbye. You know how I feel. We’ve already talked about this. I just don’t think we need to keep in contact anymore. I wish you the best.”

But I really didn’t. Deep down I hoped his life sucked without me. Was that horrible? I hit send with a shaky finger. That was hard to say. I teared up thinking this could be the last time we’d speak. That was the plan, anyway, but deep down I wanted a response, for him to beg me not to go, confess his love for me.

But there was nothing, of course.

His communication sucked. That was one of many problems between us.

I rolled my eyes as I put my phone on silent and shoved it into my bag.

Asshole.

I let out a deep, heavy sigh, picked up the rest of my bags, turned and walked out the door.

* * * * *

I hated flying, everything about it. Of course I was seated in the middle. The older man to my left was nice enough but was manspreading to the point he was pressing against my leg. The woman to my right had a small child who also apparently did not like flying or keeping their hands to themselves. She tugged on my hair a couple times. The mom apologized and I said it was okay.

It wasn’t. It actually hurt like hell, but I would never say that.

I popped my earbuds in as we started to take off and leaned my head back clenching the arm rests and closing my eyes, eventually drifting off to sleep.

* * * * *

So this is it. I had arrived at my new “home.” Well, that sounded weird.

It was pretty interesting. A cute little New England town. I really didn’t know anything about Sequoia Village. Honestly, I just randomly picked it. I was so dead-set on getting away I didn’t really care to where. I probably should have done a little more research into that, but It was the beginning of fall, my favorite time of the year, and I knew it had pretty foliage and good food, and, most importantly, far, far from Tristan, so I was sold.

My apartment was really nice, an upgrade from where I had been staying before. My grandpa had passed away recently leaving me a hefty sum of money. We weren’t really close. I guess maybe that was his attempt at making it up to me, so I decided to splurge for the first time in my life. My new job wouldn’t start for another two weeks, something I wasn’t completely upset about. That was one thing that would be constant. I was able to stay with the same company, so at least I would be somewhat familiar in that aspect of my life.

I threw my bags down in the middle of the living room as I looked around. The apartment was already furnished. I was grateful I didn’t have to worry about that.

I slumped down onto the couch. Pretty comfy. There was a huge flat screen in front of me. The place was spacious. It had a living area and kitchen downstairs, and the bedroom was upstairs, probably more like a townhouse. There was no way I was making it to the bed. I was tired and needed a nap.

I sat there quietly all alone, reality starting to set in. I was really here. I did it.

This was the first step.