MasukBeing a teenager is no easy task, especially when you have an eating disorder in high school. Natalie Ashman is stressed to the bone and abuses herself every day. When she is stressed, she purges and spirals into oblivion. As time passes, Natalie faces a terrible trauma that causes her to lose her will to live. Will Natalie overcome this peril, or will she always be bone thin?
Lihat lebih banyak"Natalie, what are you doing?" Aunt Tara sees me on the scale. I feel sheepish for standing on one. I know she admires me for it. It's an accomplishment, and we both know it."I've gained three pounds, Aunt Tara. It's been a long road. I'm ready to be healthy again. I'm ready to feel good about myself."Aunt Tara looks at me. She hands me a bowl of oatmeal. This is the test. I used to put it down the garbage disposal. I take the bowl and eat it slowly. It takes me 30 minutes to eat it all. But I did it. "I'm proud of you. I know that wasn't easy. But you are happier. How are you dealing with your other issue?"My other mountain to climb is my rape. Aunt Tara has a hard time saying those words to me. I have a hard time hearing them. Hearing them means it was real, that it wasn't all in my head."I don't know. I feel like I keep blocking it out. I don't want to ruin Collin and me. I know we were playing with fire when we had sex in Italy. I know I wasn't ready then. I just needed to be
A month goes by. I still haven't forgiven Mrs. Moore. I've needed space to heal. I've needed alone time. Collin has given me space. He takes me to therapy, the beach, and the tavern.Maria Byrd is still an ally for now. We talk about eating. We talk about Mrs. Moore. We talk about movies. It's hard to wrap my mind around all these people in my life. They are beautifully broken people. We are a community of broken puzzles, coming together to make our community picture whole. Imperfection is a beautiful thing.I get on the scale. 113. I'm gaining my weight back. I count calories like a drug addict. It's fucked up thinking. I'm obsessed with the numbers behind food. I'm scared of purging. The toilet used to be my temple. Now my eyes are focused on healing. If I don't heal now, I never will.This year has taught me to trust myself, to make friends, and to love again. Meeting Collin wasn't for nothing. He balanced my inner ying-yang with his peaceful heart. It's taken me to heaven and back
"How was your session?" Aunt Tara asks."Better than I expected. Where's Sammy?"Aunt Tara points toward the hallway door. I open it. Sammy appears along with Selah and Collin. "Selah, you're here?" I say while hugging her."I'm here. It's good to see you. Sorry, we haven't spoken since Italy. I told my mom everything in detail about Chad, the breakup, Collin, and your therapy. She's sorry. I think you need to hear that from her."Mrs. Moore walks toward me. She looks down, ashamed to admit she was in the wrong. I'm not sure I want her to be here. But I will be the better person. The world has called me to be the bigger person. I can be that for Selah."Hello, Mrs. Moore. How was your return journey?""It was awkward. I felt awful for saying all those harsh words to you. Of course, you need Selah right now. I know I'm not a gentlewoman. I have never been. But I will try better to understand whatever it is you're going through. I'm sorry I took Selah away from you. Will you forgive me
Two weeks pass. Selah still hasn't said a word to me. I can't believe it. Her mother defeated her-no fair. I'm over the summer. It's been nice going with Collin to pools and beaches. But I'm ready for fall. I'm ready for the chilly air, pumpkin carvings, and apple cider.School is around the corner. I wish Collin weren't homeschooled. He could protect me in the halls. I know Selah will talk to me at school. She's probably waiting for the death of summer to rekindle our friendship. Her mother was a terrible bitch. It's not her fault.I touch the half-heart necklace. It reminds me of Selah. Wow, my birthday was shit this year. Collin and Aunt Tara took me horseback riding as promised. But without Selah, it was hopeless.My sister is glad to see me head back to school. I've been riding Carmel a lot lately. My beautiful horse takes me to all the hidden trails. I forgot about most of them.I'll be starting therapy soon. I am not looking forward to that at all. I don't want to face my ghost
It's 5:38 am. I turn over and see Collin asleep next to me. I'm still naked. Woah, that wasn't a dream. I had sex with Collin. I HAD...SEX... WITH...COLLIN!!"Are you okay, Nat?" Collin says, half asleep."I'm fine. I think I'm going to shower and leave. I don't want Aunt Tara to worry, " I say."Wait,
The plane smells like vomit. We have almost landed. Luckily, it wasn't Collin's vomit or mine. I didn't eat the plane food. I brought squeezy apple sauce for myself. I'm like a preschool kid at snack time.The plane lifts its wheels. I feel the bump of the plane hit the runway. Welcome to Rome!I don'
Italy is two days away. I never thought I'd make it to Europe. Europe was for those other people. Those rich people, I wasn't lucky enough to be.Aunt Tara has paid for me to go. Collin's family is rich by nature. The Abernathy's own three taverns in town and a hotel. Not sure what their income is, b
I haven't seen Selah in ages. She always finds out about my drama last. That's not fair to her. But it's reality. Reality is a bitch.Collin has been with me at my aunt's house for a while. Sammy gets home from the Penna Bakery. I haven't worked there in a month. I don't miss the smell of purge donut












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