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Chapter 2

ผู้เขียน: When Snow Comes
That night, lying in bed, I kept going back over what I'd heard.

Grant's birthday had been that day.

Lena's was two days later.

So it wasn't only the scent on their clothes.

Even their birthdays sat right next to each other.

The next morning I walked over to Lena's.

Her mom opened the door.

"Owen! Get in here."

Lena called something from her room but didn't come out.

"I don't understand your school," Miss Carol said. "The SAT is in a few weeks and they're handing out days off. How is anybody supposed to stay focused?"

She tipped her head toward Lena's door.

"That one's been gaming since breakfast."

Then she pulled fruit out of the refrigerator.

"Go keep her company. Tell me what you want for dinner and I'll make it."

Miss Carol left for the grocery store. I stood outside Lena's door and knocked.

She had a headset on, mid-game.

She caught me out of the corner of her eye and waved me in.

I sat behind her and watched.

I didn't understand the game.

I didn't understand half of what she was saying to the people on the other end of the headset either.

When the round finally ended, she turned around.

"The sun's brutal out there. Why'd you come over?"

I held out the box I'd brought.

"Happy birthday, Lena."

"Thanks."

She took it and set it down beside her without opening it.

Her phone went off right then.

She glanced at the screen and picked up.

"Lena, get back in.

"Grant says he'll carry us. We got wrecked all morning. This is our shot."

She said okay and pulled the headset back on.

Then, like she'd just remembered I was in the room, she glanced over her shoulder.

"I got some new books. They're on the shelf. Take whatever."

She turned back to the monitor and didn't look at me again.

I sat there a while, watching her laugh with people whose world I couldn't get into.

It was the first time it really landed.

She and I didn't live in the same one anymore.

"I'm heading out."

I thought she hadn't heard.

But I got as far as the door and she called after me.

"You're still going to Westbridge, right?"

Westbridge had always been her school. And it was the one we'd promised each other, years ago.

I nodded.

"What about you?"

"Okay. Got it."

I wanted to ask what that meant.

She was already back in the game.

My eyes went to the gift she'd shoved onto the shelf because it was in her way.

It was the out-of-print record she'd been talking about for months.

I'd worked through every secondhand shop on the east side of town, a dozen of them, one at a time. It took me two full weeks to turn up a copy, and then I had to talk the owner into parting with it at all.

Now it was standing in the corner where she'd dropped it.

Nobody was going to touch it.

That was about how I felt too.

I was pulling my shoes on by the door when I heard her voice from the bedroom.

Somebody in the game had apparently asked her something.

"Westbridge? I don't want to go. I hate that city, it's way too dry.

"I'll figure it out when the letters come."

My hand went unsteady on the doorknob.

Then why had she asked whether I was still going?

So she'd know what to avoid?

The door opened from the other side.

Miss Carol came in with the groceries.

"Owen, you're leaving already? Stay and eat."

I made myself smile.

"No, thank you. I want to get some studying in."

She didn't push. She turned and aimed her voice at Lena's door instead.

"Lena! Still on that game? You could at least see Owen out!"

I came out of the stairwell into the sun.

It was warm all the way through.

Inside, I was hollow.

So much for going to Westbridge together.

She'd stopped caring about that a long time ago, which meant I didn't have to keep my end of it either.

The night before the SAT, I got a text from her.

"I'll pick you up in the morning."

I looked at it for a long time, then typed back.

"No need. My family's taking me."

The next morning, I walked through the gates by myself.

For the first time, at something that actually mattered, Lena wasn't next to me.

I found my room on the seating chart and turned to go.

Somebody slammed into my back.

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  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 9

    "Owen. Long time."It caught me off guard, Grant coming over to talk to me.He didn't dance around it."I used to like Lena. You knew that, right?"I nodded.I'd first heard it from one of Lena's friends, back at that get-together in the spring."But I gave up on it. You know why?"He didn't wait for an answer."Because everything she felt ran through you. All of it."Happy, nervous, frustrated, scared. Every bit of it was about you. Even then I could see there was no room left for me in there."And I wasn't going to force my way in. So I stopped."I didn't know why he was telling me any of this.He got to it soon enough."People have been saying you and Lena aren't close anymore."I don't know what happened between you. But I was worried I might have had a hand in it, so I wanted to clear one thing up."Lena and I never even had a real conversation about it. There was never anything between us."Then his tone got serious."And the record."I didn't know it came from

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 8

    I thought about being small.My parents told me over and over not to stay out in hard sunlight, and I never listened, because the other kids were outside and I wanted to be outside with them.I only ever got scared once the glare got so bad I couldn't hold my eyes open.Then Lena would take my hand and stay right there next to me.One of those days I said it to her."When we grow up, will you be my other pair of eyes?"And for years, she actually was.The little girl from back then and the woman across the table slowly became the same person.I wanted to say something. I didn't know what.I understood her now.Understanding didn't undo any of it.After a long silence, I looked at her."Lena, it already happened. Regretting it doesn't move it."Look forward."I picked up the drinks and stood.She followed me out the door.Her voice was careful."Owen, will you ever forgive me?"I kept my back to her."I don't know. Right now I can't."I understand why you felt trappe

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 7

    The light was bad, but I could see her eyes were red.I didn't understand her.I still remembered every minute of the get-together that spring, as clearly as the day it happened.So what was she doing now, standing there like this?"Lena, you're the one who told me to let you go."And I thought about it. You were right. I shouldn't have been holding you up."She took two fast steps toward me."No. I've regretted that night ever since. I said terrible things to you and I didn't mean any of them."I wanted to apologize a long time ago, but you'd blocked me."I figured I'd do it in person when school started. Then I went to your house and your mom said you'd already left for Lakeview."There was hurt in her voice, and something like begging."Owen, can you forgive me?"Don't be this hard on me.""Hard on you?"For a second I honestly didn't follow.I could still hear what she'd said outside that room.I could still feel the way she'd run hot and cold on me for a year.And

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 6

    Lakeview was only about three hours from home.If anything ever really went wrong, my aunt lived nearby.Most of the time I stayed in the dorms. Some weekends I went to her place. On the long breaks I went home.Outside of class, I joined a couple of clubs.That was where I found people who cared about the same things I did.I stopped hiding the problem with my eyes, and I stopped pretending I could do things I couldn't.After enough trying, I found out something that surprised me.There was a lot I could do perfectly well on my own.Over winter and summer breaks I picked up part-time work sometimes.More often I traveled with my parents.By the time graduation was coming up, I realized I hadn't seen Lena in almost two years.That summer my family planned a long road trip through the Rockies.A few days before we left, my mother called."Owen, about the trip. The Morrises are coming with us."I was quiet for a few seconds."Why didn't you tell me sooner?"She sounded ca

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 5

    My leaving gave Lena the easiest summer she'd had in years.And something in her still went hollow.She'd been planning to use the start of college to patch things up between us.She hadn't counted on me just being gone."How could he..."We agreed. We were going to Westbridge together."She said it half to herself, then looked at my mother with no idea what to do with her face.My mother was surprised."I thought he'd already talked it over with you."Lena shook her head without knowing she was doing it.She'd gone white.My mother thought back to what I'd said in the car, and she could guess most of the rest.She sighed."Lena, all these years of looking after Owen. It must have been so hard on you."His eyes have been bad since he was small, so of course I worried about him."And because the two of you grew up together, we got in the habit of handing him to you. I put my own responsibility on your shoulders without ever saying so out loud."It wasn't until Owen said

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 4

    The table exploded.I sat very still with my hands locked together under it.I didn't want to put her on the spot. I was about to say something when she answered first.Her face was flat. Her voice came out cold."Don't start. Our families are close."His eyes are bad, and my parents told me to look out for him."It came out light.It landed on my chest like a block of ice.Everything I'd been carrying around in secret, everything I'd let myself hope for.Start to finish, I'd been the only one in it.I couldn't sit there. I got up and went to the restroom and stayed until I had my face under control.Coming back, I heard voices in the hallway outside the other one."Lena, you're glued to Owen every single day. How are you ever supposed to get a boyfriend?"He can barely see, he needs you babysitting him around the clock. Are you honestly signing up for that for life?"Grant is obviously into you. If you lose a shot like that over some charity case, you're going to be cryi

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