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Chapter 3

ผู้เขียน: When Snow Comes
My pencil case hit the ground.

Pens, erasers, and a ruler went everywhere.

My admission ticket skidded a few feet away.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you."

A boy I didn't know. I couldn't place him.

I didn't bother with him and went straight for the ticket.

My fingers had almost reached it when a shoe came down on top of the paper.

He bent close to my face, his voice thick with mockery.

"Are you actually blind, or do you just play it up? Your eyes really do look off."

"That's not your business."

I tugged at the ticket. It didn't move.

"Real or fake, you're still a charity case. So quit hanging off Lena.

"Don't be so selfish. Yeah?"

I looked up at him. The face was vaguely familiar.

"Move your foot. Whatever's between me and Lena has nothing to do with you."

"Wow, you really—"

He twisted his shoe. The thin paper tore straight through.

Before he could finish, somebody shoved him hard enough to knock him sideways.

Lena stood there with her face gone cold.

"What is wrong with you?"

That stopped him for a second.

"What's wrong with you?

"It wasn't on purpose. I already apologized."

Lena picked up the torn ticket and the scattered pens and pushed them into my hands.

"I'm walking you to your room."

I kept my head down and followed her, holding the case against my chest.

As we passed him, he muttered it under his breath.

"Blind kid's such a drama queen."

I knew that voice.

He'd been outside my building that night, with Grant.

Lena walked me all the way to my testing room before she went to find her own.

For a few minutes it felt like it used to.

But the coldness hadn't been in my head. Neither had the impatience.

I really didn't understand her anymore.

The SAT was finally over.

The whole school felt lighter.

That evening I finished sorting my notes and picked up my phone.

Grant had posted a photo of the record.

The caption read: "A surprise with perfect timing. Still hearing it. Thank you for the gift."

It was the exact record I'd given Lena, right down to the birthday message I'd cut into the sleeve myself.

Her birthday present, from me. And she'd handed it to Grant.

The hurt came up so fast my eyes burned with it.

I called her.

"You gave Grant the birthday present I got you?"

She made a small, careless sound. "Yeah.

"Grant and I were talking and it turns out he likes it too, so I took it over for him to hear."

My grip closed hard around the phone. My voice came out scraped raw.

"It took me two weeks to find that.

"You handed my present to somebody else and didn't even tell me. You don't think that's too far?"

Lena sounded irritated.

"It's a record. You seriously called me to put me on trial over a record?"

"It's not about the record."

My voice shook.

"You threw away what I meant by it."

"You gave it to me, so it's mine. What I do with it is up to me.

"You don't get a say."

I opened my mouth. Nothing came.

"This is exhausting."

She hung up.

I sat there holding the phone with my chest aching.

The exact words she'd said on picture day.

After that, we stopped talking altogether.

Until our class put together a get-together that spring.

I didn't want to go.

But it was the first thing anyone had organized all year.

My parents pushed me to.

Miss Carol even told Lena to keep an eye on me.

It was the first time Lena and I had seen each other since the fight.

She was in a mood the whole way there.

I tried a few times. She gave me "mm" and "sure" and nothing else.

So I stopped, and we rode the rest of it in silence, like two strangers who happened to know everything about each other.

The restaurant was loud. Everybody talked over everybody.

I drank my soda and listened.

My eyes don't let me stare at a screen for long.

I stay out of harsh sun when I can.

After dark I'm most of the way to blind.

Basketball, gaming, biking. There wasn't one conversation at that table I could get into.

We'd barely sat down and I already wanted to go home.

Then somebody suggested truth or dare.

The bottle went around a few people and landed on Lena.

She picked truth.

Somebody grinned.

"Lena, you take such good care of Owen. Do you like him?"

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  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 9

    "Owen. Long time."It caught me off guard, Grant coming over to talk to me.He didn't dance around it."I used to like Lena. You knew that, right?"I nodded.I'd first heard it from one of Lena's friends, back at that get-together in the spring."But I gave up on it. You know why?"He didn't wait for an answer."Because everything she felt ran through you. All of it."Happy, nervous, frustrated, scared. Every bit of it was about you. Even then I could see there was no room left for me in there."And I wasn't going to force my way in. So I stopped."I didn't know why he was telling me any of this.He got to it soon enough."People have been saying you and Lena aren't close anymore."I don't know what happened between you. But I was worried I might have had a hand in it, so I wanted to clear one thing up."Lena and I never even had a real conversation about it. There was never anything between us."Then his tone got serious."And the record."I didn't know it came from

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 8

    I thought about being small.My parents told me over and over not to stay out in hard sunlight, and I never listened, because the other kids were outside and I wanted to be outside with them.I only ever got scared once the glare got so bad I couldn't hold my eyes open.Then Lena would take my hand and stay right there next to me.One of those days I said it to her."When we grow up, will you be my other pair of eyes?"And for years, she actually was.The little girl from back then and the woman across the table slowly became the same person.I wanted to say something. I didn't know what.I understood her now.Understanding didn't undo any of it.After a long silence, I looked at her."Lena, it already happened. Regretting it doesn't move it."Look forward."I picked up the drinks and stood.She followed me out the door.Her voice was careful."Owen, will you ever forgive me?"I kept my back to her."I don't know. Right now I can't."I understand why you felt trappe

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 7

    The light was bad, but I could see her eyes were red.I didn't understand her.I still remembered every minute of the get-together that spring, as clearly as the day it happened.So what was she doing now, standing there like this?"Lena, you're the one who told me to let you go."And I thought about it. You were right. I shouldn't have been holding you up."She took two fast steps toward me."No. I've regretted that night ever since. I said terrible things to you and I didn't mean any of them."I wanted to apologize a long time ago, but you'd blocked me."I figured I'd do it in person when school started. Then I went to your house and your mom said you'd already left for Lakeview."There was hurt in her voice, and something like begging."Owen, can you forgive me?"Don't be this hard on me.""Hard on you?"For a second I honestly didn't follow.I could still hear what she'd said outside that room.I could still feel the way she'd run hot and cold on me for a year.And

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 6

    Lakeview was only about three hours from home.If anything ever really went wrong, my aunt lived nearby.Most of the time I stayed in the dorms. Some weekends I went to her place. On the long breaks I went home.Outside of class, I joined a couple of clubs.That was where I found people who cared about the same things I did.I stopped hiding the problem with my eyes, and I stopped pretending I could do things I couldn't.After enough trying, I found out something that surprised me.There was a lot I could do perfectly well on my own.Over winter and summer breaks I picked up part-time work sometimes.More often I traveled with my parents.By the time graduation was coming up, I realized I hadn't seen Lena in almost two years.That summer my family planned a long road trip through the Rockies.A few days before we left, my mother called."Owen, about the trip. The Morrises are coming with us."I was quiet for a few seconds."Why didn't you tell me sooner?"She sounded ca

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 5

    My leaving gave Lena the easiest summer she'd had in years.And something in her still went hollow.She'd been planning to use the start of college to patch things up between us.She hadn't counted on me just being gone."How could he..."We agreed. We were going to Westbridge together."She said it half to herself, then looked at my mother with no idea what to do with her face.My mother was surprised."I thought he'd already talked it over with you."Lena shook her head without knowing she was doing it.She'd gone white.My mother thought back to what I'd said in the car, and she could guess most of the rest.She sighed."Lena, all these years of looking after Owen. It must have been so hard on you."His eyes have been bad since he was small, so of course I worried about him."And because the two of you grew up together, we got in the habit of handing him to you. I put my own responsibility on your shoulders without ever saying so out loud."It wasn't until Owen said

  • Borrowed Light for My Youth   Chapter 4

    The table exploded.I sat very still with my hands locked together under it.I didn't want to put her on the spot. I was about to say something when she answered first.Her face was flat. Her voice came out cold."Don't start. Our families are close."His eyes are bad, and my parents told me to look out for him."It came out light.It landed on my chest like a block of ice.Everything I'd been carrying around in secret, everything I'd let myself hope for.Start to finish, I'd been the only one in it.I couldn't sit there. I got up and went to the restroom and stayed until I had my face under control.Coming back, I heard voices in the hallway outside the other one."Lena, you're glued to Owen every single day. How are you ever supposed to get a boyfriend?"He can barely see, he needs you babysitting him around the clock. Are you honestly signing up for that for life?"Grant is obviously into you. If you lose a shot like that over some charity case, you're going to be cryi

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