Home / Borrowed Light for My Youth / Chapter 1 - Chapter 9

All Chapters of Borrowed Light for My Youth: Chapter 1 - Chapter 9

9 Chapters

Chapter 1

When I got back to my seat, Lena was talking to the girl next to her.She looked up and talked to me like she always did."Where are your glasses?"I rubbed my eyes. They were dry and stinging from the sun."Lost them."She sighed and pulled the curtain shut beside me."I'll walk you home tonight."For a second I let myself believe the thing I'd heard on picture day had been my imagination after all.After school, somebody came and pulled her away.She told me to wait for her in the classroom.So I waited.Two hours.I wanted to call her, but my phone had died.Finally a teacher passed by and spotted me."Owen? Why aren't you home yet?"She knew my eyes were bad and offered to drive me.I said no.I didn't want Lena coming back and not finding me.When she saw my phone was dead, she called Lena for me.Twenty minutes later, Lena appeared in the doorway, out of breath."I texted you. I told you to go on ahead.""I didn't see it."I held up the phone, useless in my

Chapter 2

That night, lying in bed, I kept going back over what I'd heard.Grant's birthday had been that day.Lena's was two days later.So it wasn't only the scent on their clothes.Even their birthdays sat right next to each other.The next morning I walked over to Lena's.Her mom opened the door."Owen! Get in here."Lena called something from her room but didn't come out."I don't understand your school," Miss Carol said. "The SAT is in a few weeks and they're handing out days off. How is anybody supposed to stay focused?"She tipped her head toward Lena's door."That one's been gaming since breakfast."Then she pulled fruit out of the refrigerator."Go keep her company. Tell me what you want for dinner and I'll make it."Miss Carol left for the grocery store. I stood outside Lena's door and knocked.She had a headset on, mid-game.She caught me out of the corner of her eye and waved me in.I sat behind her and watched.I didn't understand the game.I didn't understand ha

Chapter 3

My pencil case hit the ground.Pens, erasers, and a ruler went everywhere.My admission ticket skidded a few feet away."Oh, sorry. Didn't see you."A boy I didn't know. I couldn't place him.I didn't bother with him and went straight for the ticket.My fingers had almost reached it when a shoe came down on top of the paper.He bent close to my face, his voice thick with mockery."Are you actually blind, or do you just play it up? Your eyes really do look off.""That's not your business."I tugged at the ticket. It didn't move."Real or fake, you're still a charity case. So quit hanging off Lena."Don't be so selfish. Yeah?"I looked up at him. The face was vaguely familiar."Move your foot. Whatever's between me and Lena has nothing to do with you.""Wow, you really—"He twisted his shoe. The thin paper tore straight through.Before he could finish, somebody shoved him hard enough to knock him sideways.Lena stood there with her face gone cold."What is wrong with y

Chapter 4

The table exploded.I sat very still with my hands locked together under it.I didn't want to put her on the spot. I was about to say something when she answered first.Her face was flat. Her voice came out cold."Don't start. Our families are close."His eyes are bad, and my parents told me to look out for him."It came out light.It landed on my chest like a block of ice.Everything I'd been carrying around in secret, everything I'd let myself hope for.Start to finish, I'd been the only one in it.I couldn't sit there. I got up and went to the restroom and stayed until I had my face under control.Coming back, I heard voices in the hallway outside the other one."Lena, you're glued to Owen every single day. How are you ever supposed to get a boyfriend?"He can barely see, he needs you babysitting him around the clock. Are you honestly signing up for that for life?"Grant is obviously into you. If you lose a shot like that over some charity case, you're going to be cryi

Chapter 5

My leaving gave Lena the easiest summer she'd had in years.And something in her still went hollow.She'd been planning to use the start of college to patch things up between us.She hadn't counted on me just being gone."How could he..."We agreed. We were going to Westbridge together."She said it half to herself, then looked at my mother with no idea what to do with her face.My mother was surprised."I thought he'd already talked it over with you."Lena shook her head without knowing she was doing it.She'd gone white.My mother thought back to what I'd said in the car, and she could guess most of the rest.She sighed."Lena, all these years of looking after Owen. It must have been so hard on you."His eyes have been bad since he was small, so of course I worried about him."And because the two of you grew up together, we got in the habit of handing him to you. I put my own responsibility on your shoulders without ever saying so out loud."It wasn't until Owen said

Chapter 6

Lakeview was only about three hours from home.If anything ever really went wrong, my aunt lived nearby.Most of the time I stayed in the dorms. Some weekends I went to her place. On the long breaks I went home.Outside of class, I joined a couple of clubs.That was where I found people who cared about the same things I did.I stopped hiding the problem with my eyes, and I stopped pretending I could do things I couldn't.After enough trying, I found out something that surprised me.There was a lot I could do perfectly well on my own.Over winter and summer breaks I picked up part-time work sometimes.More often I traveled with my parents.By the time graduation was coming up, I realized I hadn't seen Lena in almost two years.That summer my family planned a long road trip through the Rockies.A few days before we left, my mother called."Owen, about the trip. The Morrises are coming with us."I was quiet for a few seconds."Why didn't you tell me sooner?"She sounded ca

Chapter 7

The light was bad, but I could see her eyes were red.I didn't understand her.I still remembered every minute of the get-together that spring, as clearly as the day it happened.So what was she doing now, standing there like this?"Lena, you're the one who told me to let you go."And I thought about it. You were right. I shouldn't have been holding you up."She took two fast steps toward me."No. I've regretted that night ever since. I said terrible things to you and I didn't mean any of them."I wanted to apologize a long time ago, but you'd blocked me."I figured I'd do it in person when school started. Then I went to your house and your mom said you'd already left for Lakeview."There was hurt in her voice, and something like begging."Owen, can you forgive me?"Don't be this hard on me.""Hard on you?"For a second I honestly didn't follow.I could still hear what she'd said outside that room.I could still feel the way she'd run hot and cold on me for a year.And

Chapter 8

I thought about being small.My parents told me over and over not to stay out in hard sunlight, and I never listened, because the other kids were outside and I wanted to be outside with them.I only ever got scared once the glare got so bad I couldn't hold my eyes open.Then Lena would take my hand and stay right there next to me.One of those days I said it to her."When we grow up, will you be my other pair of eyes?"And for years, she actually was.The little girl from back then and the woman across the table slowly became the same person.I wanted to say something. I didn't know what.I understood her now.Understanding didn't undo any of it.After a long silence, I looked at her."Lena, it already happened. Regretting it doesn't move it."Look forward."I picked up the drinks and stood.She followed me out the door.Her voice was careful."Owen, will you ever forgive me?"I kept my back to her."I don't know. Right now I can't."I understand why you felt trappe

Chapter 9

"Owen. Long time."It caught me off guard, Grant coming over to talk to me.He didn't dance around it."I used to like Lena. You knew that, right?"I nodded.I'd first heard it from one of Lena's friends, back at that get-together in the spring."But I gave up on it. You know why?"He didn't wait for an answer."Because everything she felt ran through you. All of it."Happy, nervous, frustrated, scared. Every bit of it was about you. Even then I could see there was no room left for me in there."And I wasn't going to force my way in. So I stopped."I didn't know why he was telling me any of this.He got to it soon enough."People have been saying you and Lena aren't close anymore."I don't know what happened between you. But I was worried I might have had a hand in it, so I wanted to clear one thing up."Lena and I never even had a real conversation about it. There was never anything between us."Then his tone got serious."And the record."I didn't know it came from

SCAN CODE TO READ ON APP