Chapter 5

Sofia Adams - March, 2012

 

I used to hate airplanes. I had such a dread that I couldn't fit it in myself.

 

But here I was, crammed into one about to take off towards Las Vegas. Luckily for me it was only a few hours flight.

 

I could handle it, right?

 

I heard the turbines start to gain strength and the plane shudder as it prepared to take off.

 

God in heaven, somebody get me out of here!

 

I took a deep breath and squeezed Anne's hand that was beside me and she smiled at me. Tom was fast asleep next to her and we hadn't even boarded five minutes ago. How could he do it?

 

Anne, practical as always, made sure that we got the middle seats on the plane, so that the three of us could sit together without having to separate. I thanked her internally for this, if I had been alone on a plane I would have freaked out a long time ago and tried to get out, even if only by flushing.

 

I started thinking about our first trip to Vegas in an attempt to distract myself from the growing panic in the pit of my stomach.

 

Thank goodness it was a road trip. I remember us spending hours on the road laughing and doing music rotation. It was the last time that the whole gang got together for real. We spent an unforgettable week together.

 

If I closed my eyes, I could still feel the feeling of the wind on my face to the sound of the Backstreet Boys, Anne's choice, obviously she was in that Backstreet Boys worship phase.

 

I turned my mind back to the present as I remembered one detail.

“Where will we stay this time?” I asked.

 

“Hey, the same place as before," Anne answered calmly.

 

I immediately stiffened. Not that cursed place.

 

“Can't we stay somewhere else?” I asked in a shaky voice. Anne, who until then had been leafing through a magazine, looked up at me. Her gaze was questioning, but she decided to let it go.

 

“Of course we can," she answered finally, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

 

“Thank you," I murmured softly, and turned to the other side without allowing room for further conversation. Anne didn't know what that trip meant to me. I never told her. Sometimes I even pretended it never happened.

 

Of course most of the trip was a dream, we went to lots of parties, spas, casinos. We enjoyed everything that adulthood could offer us. Tom got so drunk one night that he fell into a fountain in the center of town. Anne went to help and fell in before she could even offer her hand, as I said, she was terrible at drinking.

 

All I know is that in the end we were all thrown out of the fountain by some guards who were patrolling the area.

 

It was a remarkable night in many ways.

 

I was anxious all the flight waiting for the moment when they would announce that I was finally back on dry land... By the time that moment came, I had already had five cups of tea and proved that there is no escape from the flush.

 

We left that Satan machine and went straight to the city center to look for a decent hotel. I could see out the cab window the same hotel that we stayed in seven years ago. It was still exactly the same.

 

I looked up at the roof, I had so many bittersweet memories.

Anne typed furiously on her cell phone while Tom busied himself with annoying me to pass the time. Great news.

 

I was distracted looking at the streets of Vegas when I felt another jab on the back of my head and turned around furiously.

 

“I swear that if you do that again I will rip your fingers off," I shouted at Tom who just smiled and pretended that it was none of his business.

 

“Will you two stop it?” Anne asked angrily.

 

“She started it," grumbled Tom, that lying bastard.

 

I waited for Anne to go back to her cell phone and pinched Tom on the arm. Abusive kid.

 

“Oh, sunshine, that hurt," he complained while rubbing his blouse. Grandma's dog got a nickname, and consequently, so did I. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't have a nickname for her. Sometimes I wondered why I didn't poison Tom as a child. It would have been so much easier than now.

 

“Anne, control your husband's animal before I throw it out the window and abandon it in this city jungle," I asked.

 

Tom snorted, "Jeez, Sofia, even in Vegas your mood doesn't improve.”

 

I would never be able to fully relax in Vegas.

 

Anne made us go to a bunch of hotels, none of them were good enough, there was always something wrong, although they all looked great to me. I was already tired when we entered the fifth and her eyes sparkled.

 

“This is the one," Anne decreed, already heading to the counter to ask for two rooms.

 

“Really? This one? What's so special about this one? Is it better than the others?” I asked. But actually, this one was a little worse, it was old and they were renovating the lobby. There was dust and debris.

 

“It has... Personality," Anne answered simply.

 

I was so tired that I didn't question it. I just wanted a warm bed and the sweet sleep lulling me to sleep. So when everything was settled I went straight to my room, we had two weeks to enjoy, Vegas wasn't going to run off while I took a nap.

 

***

[Flashback on]

 

Sitting on the floor of the roof, wrapped in a blanket watching the sunrise I realized that I was right when I imagined that the view from here must be breathtaking. I was so absorbed that I didn't notice the movement around me until I heard his voice.

 

“I am impressed, you have never been a morning person”

 

Ethan. It was always Ethan.

 

“Have you been following me?” I asked without looking at him yet. I wanted to stare at the sun as long as I could.

 

“I'll always find you, Sofia," he answered seriously, and then his voice took on a playful tone, "That and you're not exactly the queen of silence," he sneered, "I could hear you stumbling down the hall and swearing as you left the room.”

 

I turned to find Ethan standing on the fire escape, arms crossed over his broad chest wearing simple pajama pants and a gray cotton T-shirt. I rarely noticed Ethan when I was younger, I only liked him because he was my friend Ethan, but my God, how blind I was. He had gotten so tall, taller than any of us, his absurdly dark, silky black hair always at shoulder height, and his strong, structured body. And the most important of all, his eyes. Deep brown ones that seemed to hold all the answers I wanted.

 

He was beautiful.

 

I smiled and opened my blanket, inviting him in. Ethan arched an eyebrow, and I foolishly tried to imitate his gesture, which came out more like a grimace. He smiled at my pathetic attempt and finally came over to join me. He smelled of clean clothes and male deodorant.

 

“I guess I'm no good at being queen of silence... Or anything”  I shrugged, trying to detach myself from what was haunting me.

 

“So that's the reason... I knew you wouldn't wake up so early for nothing...” He clarified.

 

Here we go.

 

“What are you going to do now, Sofia?” he asked.

 

This time I grimaced voluntarily.

 

“Only you could think of such things on a joyride in Vegas," I pointed around emphasizing, "You do realize that we're in Vegas, right?”

 

“Of course I realize it, your performance last night at the club left no doubt about it," Ethan pushed my shoulder playfully. I closed my eyes tightly trying to push away the memories of last night. Oh my God, the club.

 

If there was one thing I had regretted since we arrived two days ago, it was that night. I was trying to get Ethan's attention anyway, went out dancing on a table, and fell on my ass in less than a minute. It was so embarrassing!

“Great show, huh?” I laughed nervously, looking away. Ethan smiled in response, his eyes crinkling at the corners with the movement.

 

“You betcha”

 

Then he placed his hand on my cheek, automatically drawing my attention to his face. His hand was soft and warm against my skin, a feeling so good it was making my heart race. I held my breath nervously.

 

“Don't run away from the subject, pequeña. School's out, now what?” he asked again.

 

Pequeña. He hadn't called me that since we were kids. Ethan's family was Hispanic, so he hadn't inherited the accent because he was born on American soil, but some expressions he let slip. This was one of my favorites. It sounded so sweet coming from him. So... sweet. After so many years of not hearing him call me this I thought I had forgotten, but here he was stirring my emotions again.

 

Ethan was waiting for an answer to a question I had been avoiding.

As if it wasn't bad enough that my parents were pressuring me. The rest of the class knew exactly what they wanted, Anne was even getting a bunch of letters of admission to law schools with scholarships. But me? I was terrified that I had no idea what I wanted.

 

I could make a joke to get away from the question like I did with everyone else, but not Ethan. He knew better than that. So I answered as truthfully as I could.

 

I don’t know” And in those three words I put all my despair and frustration.

 

Ethan looked at me long and hard, piercing me with his eyes. He seemed to read everything through me. This was one of the things we had that I couldn't explain. Ethan and I talked to each other with our eyes.

 

Finally, with all the gentleness in the world, he kissed my forehead and murmured with his lips still against my skin:

 

“You'll figure it out. I know you will.”

 

After that we just stood there watching the sun grow and shine in silence.

Little by little, as if it wanted to prolong our moment, as if it was being born exclusively for us, the light was touching every building and construction. The rays stretching out.

It wasn't until the sun was high in the sky that we got up to leave. There, I knew for sure, I loved Ethan deeply.

 

[Flashback off]

 

***

 

I woke up sweaty in my bed, confused between dream and reality.

 

The memory still vivid in my head as strong as the sunlight was that morning. My hands burned; I must have rubbed them in my sleep.

 

I looked around at those unfamiliar walls longing for my home. I had barely arrived in that place and it was already stirring me.

 

It was still eleven o'clock in the morning, but my numb body and agitated mind knew what they needed.

 

I needed a drink.

***

Pequeña - Little girl.