Jonathan winced as he woke up, the cream curtains of the window were wide open and sun rays were directly shining on him, blinding him for a moment before his eyes adjusted to the light as he blinked. He looked around the room, the antique vase that his wife no ‘ex-wife’ he reminded himself had adored so much was now lying broken on the floor. The bookshelf which was once filled with her favorite books was now nearly empty with one or two books lying here and there, rest of the books were either torn in half and were lying on the floor or they were burned and were now nothing but ashes.
The photo frame holding a picture of him and Liza gazing at each other was now broken and shards of glass were strewn across the floor and the picture itself was now ripped just like his heart. He wondered where the love which was filled in the eyes of the man and woman gazing at each other in the picture had faded away leaving nothing but a blank look. The pain of betrayal had crushed his soul; it had cut him deeper than any knife could. Along with the agony, his soul was feeling, came throbbing ache of his head.
He winced once again as his head ached and he remembered exactly why Liza hated alcohol as he took in the sight of broken beer bottles lying on the floor. He put on his slippers and managed to go to the medical cupboard in the bathroom, dodging the pieces of glass, to save himself from more pain. He took out an Advil and swallowed it with tap water, not caring whether it was clean enough for drinking or not. He splashed some water on his face and stared at the man in the mirror. He had dark circles, his skin was pale in color and there were some bruises on his face from the fight at the bar, his clothes were crumpled, in short, he was a mess.
Last night had been hell for him, after throwing Liza out of his house he had drunk himself to oblivion, he had gone to the dimly lit bar and had drunk enough tequila to surpass the amount of blood in his body. When the owner of the bar had thrown him out because it was past the closing time, he had emptied his stash of liquor too. It was a miracle that he had not suffered from alcohol poisoning. When he had entered the bedroom the previous night all the memories of his beautiful Liza and all the moments they had shared in that room came crashing down on him but along with them came the betrayal. He wanted to forget her, but all he could see was how she looked when he told her that he wanted a divorce, her deep chocolate eyes were rimmed from red, her brown hair was tangled, her usually smiling face was expressionless and although he knew that she cheated he still felt guilty that he was the one who put Liza in that state, ‘How do you know for sure that she cheated on you?’ asked a small voice in his head.
He believed what he saw, he had heard her talk in hushed whispers to someone late in the night, he had seen her sneak out of the house, he had witnessed her nervous behavior whenever he asked her about who she was talking to, he had seen her hug someone else and had seen that someone kiss her forehead and yet the small voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that ‘maybe Liza is innocent, maybe she never cheated’ but the larger part of his mind shut that voice. He believed what he saw, and even though he wished he never saw it, he couldn’t ignore it.
He had seen these signs long ago and yet he had ignored them. What frustrated him the most was the blank look in Liza’s eyes when he had confronted her. She hadn’t even looked guilty, she just stared at him with her red-rimmed eyes. She wasn’t begging him not to sign divorce papers but instead with a calm face and yet shaky hands she had signed the papers as if she was expecting it. He knew that he hadn’t been the most faithful husband but at least he had felt guilty after what he had done. He hadn’t even seen a speck of guilt in her eyes, instead, she had a shattered look in her eyes. How could she feel broken after cheating on him? He had made sure that Liza never knew of his betrayal because he didn’t want her to feel the pain of betrayal but he had never guessed that he would have to be the one to go through it. He had hated himself the moment he had signed those divorce papers because he knew that he had signed away the love he held for her. But he couldn’t live with the woman who had betrayed him. ‘A bit hypocritical don’t you think?’ his conscience questioned. And for that moment he felt that he had made the greatest mistake of his life but the very next moment he was filled with blinding rage and jealousy towards the man who had dared to touch Liza.
Frustrated by the constant battle inside him he let out a shout which would have surely startled his neighbors and sent all the birds in the nearby area flying. He looked around the mauve room, broken bottles were lying everywhere, and yet among the stench of all the liquor, Liza’s sweet scent lingered. In a fit of rage, he began destroying everything that held memories of her, in destroying all the evidence that she even existed he knew that he was destroying himself but he didn’t care. There wasn’t much of him left anyways.
Jonathan sighed as wrapped the gauze around his knuckles, wincing at the pain. As he for the second tie that day took in the view in front of him, the first thought that came to his mind was that ‘Liza will kill me’ and once again it hit him there will be no Liza in the house to get angry at him because he had already kicked her out of the house yesterday.Shaking his head and suppressing the wave of pain that threatened to drown him again and making him seek sweet reposition of intoxication, he began clearing the broken bottles and pieces of the freshly broken mirror, and he picked up the half-torn books and threw them in the trash bag along with dark broken pieces of glass. A cloud of pain and depression was looming over him, threatening to pour with a vengeance. He wanted to remove every single trace of Liza from his presence, so he began the task of removing every single thing that reminded him of her from the room.Within an hour he had managed to empty her closet and put all her stuff in a box ready to be sent wherever she was living. After that, he began to empty the side drawers and the dresser. While he was emptying one of the shelf’s which once contained Liza’s old stuff but now mostly contained the ripped-up photos, the remnants of their time together. He found an antique metal box and he wondered how it had managed to survive the storm of rage last night. There were beautiful ornate flower patterns engraved on the black metal, covering every visible surface of the box, and in the middle of the beautifully crafted network of these flowers sat a big green gem. He had never seen the box before, so out of curiosity he opened the lid of the box, and as soon as he did that dozens of letters came tumbling out. They were in every imaginable color. He wondered who had written these letters, maybe Liza’s lover with whom she had cheated on him, thinking about it made his blood boil, and once again the smaller part of his mind began whispering that ‘ maybe Liza was never at fault’. He grabbed a random pink-colored letter and opened it. That letter was dated six months back and in his Liza’s beautiful handwriting there was written
‘To,
Dear Jonathan’.He closed it and grabbed another letter it was dated 2 years back and was again written to him, he opened many letters one after another hoping to find the proof that he desperately needed to justify that his Liza had cheated but each of the letter he had opened no matter when it was dated it was written to him and was signed as
‘Eternally in love with you,
Yours and only yoursLiza.’Jonathan held his head in his hands as he sat on the now somewhat clean floor of his bedroom, his back resting against the bed. His head was spinning with questions ‘when did Liza write these letters?’ ‘Why did she write the letters?’ ‘What is written in them?’ and most importantly ‘Why did Liza never give me these letters?’ The after-effects of his last night‘s drinking fest hadn’t faded completely and all these questions were confusing him more than ever. He wanted to read those letters but was afraid of what he would find in them. So he did what any normal guy would in this situation do, he called his sister. Alice was Jonathan’s twin sister, while Jonathan had gotten his sharp features and jet black hair from his father, Alice had inherited her auburn hair and all her delicate features from their mother. The only thing common between both of them was their mother's green eyes.After calling three to four ti
‘13 July 2010To JonathanI will probably never give you this letter but I am still writing it for the sake of my sanity. I have been going crazy ever since you asked me out. I am so confused and I don’t know what to do. My feelings are all over the place and I am stuck in a whirlwind of emotions. Isn’t it crazy that when I wanted your attention you never looked at me that way and now that I am trying to save my heart by keeping my distance you are pleading with me to let you in? I am torn between the instinct to protect my heart and to let you in and give in to my feelings. You have always been out of my league Jonathan, I am just a simple girl and you are like some celebrity in the university. Amongst so many girls vying for your attention, what made you notice me? I am just a wildflower when compared to them. I had a crush on you ever since Alice introduced me to you, not that I will ever admit it in front of you but then you
A sharp knock on the door brought Jonathan back to his senses, the soft smile that had been on his face slipped away as he put the letter aside and got up to open the door. On the other side of the door stood an elderly woman probably in her sixties her hair seemed to be made of finest silver threads, her blue eyes full of warmth. Her mouth turned down in a disapproving expression as she examined the state of the room and Jonathan.“Your mother won’t be happy to see the state you are in my dear boy. I thought that you were more mature than this. Do you think drinking will solve all your problems?" she questioned him disappointedly and before Jonathan could say something she continued “Look at yourself. You are such a mess. Go have a bath and I will prepare breakfast while you are at it" she said and left before waiting for a reply.Maria had been with Jonathan since he was a child and to this day she had remained with him. She was like a second mother
Some letters had been particularly difficult for him like the one in which Liza had written about the time they had confessed love for each other. He still remembered clearly, they had been attending their friend’s wedding and Liza was going on and on about how beautiful it was to be tied in the bond of marriage and how lucky their friends were to find true love when he had suddenly blurted out ‘ I love you ‘.As soon as he realized the words he had said he had flushed red. Liza had looked at him with wide eyes before smiling softly and saying “I know, I have known it for a long time”. Then she had once again turned towards the couple. “You didn’t say it back” he had said and she had replied with a chuckle “Love, I have said this to you every day. Every time we say goodbye and you have said it back to me every single time”. He had then realized that for the past seven months he had been telling her ‘I Love you&
Currently, Jonathan was sitting outside the operation theatre. The too sterile smell of the hospital was making his nose itch, the white walls were making his eyes sting, making it difficult to focus on a single thing and the nurses rushing to and fro, some carrying patients on stretchers while some carrying medicines and other tools were sending him into a state of panic. Jonathan strongly disliked hospitals they never seemed to bring good news for him. But it was not his dislike for hospitals nor was the still sobbing Alice sitting beside him in a similar small and literally a pain in the ass grey metal chair that had him worried and praying frivolously instead it was the tiny red light blinking above the door of operation chair, signifying that Liza was still in danger.As soon as Jonathan had recovered from the devastating effects of Alice’s words, he had gone into action mode. He had thrown on a decent enough shirt and jeans, not caring whether suited each other or
Jonathan raked his fingers through his hair as he sat on the brown leather couch. Letters were scattered all around him and He was getting more and more frustrated and confused by every passing minute. Jonathan hadn’t moved from the hospital for two days straight. Him and Alice quietly taking turns to go to the washroom or taking a nap. They still hadn’t spoken a word to each other after Alice’s outburst. After two days of starving, Jonathan had fainted and the doctors had sent him to rest at home. Still shaken up by the accident and Alice’s outburst Jonathan had managed to come back to his house and had collapsed on his bed. However, he had been unable to sleep.In the beginning, the memories which he shared with Liza kept haunting him, and then when they began to fade his mind began playing the words that Alice had said, replaying them over and over again until he couldn’t take them. The accusatory tone of Alice echoed in his ears and he was reminded of the sins he had done.
Jonathan had no idea how long he had been sitting in the darkness with only a small patch of light from the lamp. Maria had come and had gone; even she wasn’t able to bring Jonathan out of his room, as he sat there his body shaking with silent sobs. His heart was heavy and so was his soul. While his heart was aching for the pain he had put Liza through, his conscience was ripping him apart one piece at a time as it replayed all those times when he had lied to Liza to spend some time with Stacy. He had always claimed that he loved Liza more than she loved him, because to him, she was like his life source, always giving him the strength to move forward. But now it seemed to him that the amount of love he had for Liza didn’t even hold a candle to the love Liza had for him. She had known about his sins and had still stayed by his side. She had hoped that he would come back for her, she had faith in their love, and she believed that their love would bring him back on the righ
It was still dark outside and the small bulb was the only source of light in the dreary hospital room. Even the deep green curtains were drawn close, blocking all the light coming from outside. Jonathan had now taken to holding Liza’s hand. He sat in the small chair beside her bed as he studied the shadow cast by the light on her pale face. Liza’s brown hair was matted and her cheeks had sunken in making her look weak. Jonathan sighed, thinking how much he wished to lay down beside her but the grey hospital bed was not big enough to fit them both and he was afraid of hurting Liza, so he stayed put in his place.Jonathan had been building up his courage to read the letters for hours now but he still seemed to be afraid to read them. The beautiful box that was lying in his lap felt heavy to him. He knew that if he truly wanted to earn Liza’s forgiveness, he was going to have to read them; he was going to have to understand the pain Liza went through. Gulping, he