Broken Then Desired

The music was too loud. It hurt my ears. The lights were too bright. They hurt my eyes. All around me, people were happy and loud. It was a bad sound. I stood by the wall. I held a drink I did not want. I did not know why I came to this party. I do not fit in at places like this.

Then Ayden came. His voice was soft in my ear. He put his arm around me. I could smell his smell and beer. My heart beat fast in my chest.

"You look so nice tonight, Em," he said quietly.

I gave a small smile. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes," he said. He put his head against mine. "I want everyone to see you. I want them to know you are with me."

My face got hot. I felt funny in my stomach. "Ayden... people are watching us."

"Let them watch," he said. He took my hand. "Come with me."

"Wait. Where are we going?"

"Trust me," he said. He pulled me into the crowd of people.

I felt scared. Many people looked at us. They seemed to be wondering about me. Some looked like they were laughing at me. I hate when people look at me. But Ayden was smiling. So I walked with him.

We stopped in the middle of the room. He held our hands up high.

"Everyone! Look here!" he shouted. The music got quieter. "This is Emily! She is the one!"

People whistled and clapped and laughed. I felt sick.

"Ayden, what are you doing?" I whispered. I was very scared.

"Don't be shy," he said. His voice sounded fake.

Then, he took something from his pocket. Some small papers. My stomach felt like it fell.

My papers. My secret poems. The ones I hide where no one can see.

"No..." I whispered.

"A love poem, everyone!" Ayden told the whole party. He held the papers up. "Let's hear how much Emily loves me!"

"No, stop!" I said. I tried to take the papers. He laughed and pushed my hand away.

He made a show of it. Then he read my words out loud. "Your smile is like the sun. I think of you all day. I hope you see how much I love you."

Everyone laughed very loud.

I felt a burning in my chest. I wanted to cry. "Please, Ayden, stop."

He smiled a mean smile and read more. "When you said hello, my heart almost stopped. You are my forever, Ayden."

"Forever?" a person laughed from the crowd.

"With him?"another person shouted.

My whole body felt hot with shame. I tried to pull my hand back, but he held it too tight. His friends hit his back and cheered. Every laugh felt like a cut on my skin.

"Read another one!" a voice shouted.

"Yeah, let's hear how much the girl with no parents loves him!" another voice said.

My legs were shaking. "Please, stop... please..." My voice was too quiet. No one heard me.

Ayden smiled more. He waved my poems like he had won a prize. "She wrote so much about me, everyone. She could not stop thinking about me."

My stomach hurt. Those poems were my secret thoughts. My hopes. My feelings. And now he made them a joke.

Then Kelsey came forward. She is Ayden's old girlfriend. She had a mean smile on her face. She had a cup of dark red wine.

"Look at poor little Emily," Kelsey said. Then, very fast, she threw the wine at me.

The cold, red wine went all over my dress. It made a big, dark stain. I gasped.

"Did you really think Ayden wanted you?" Kelsey said loudly. "You are nothing. A sad case. A girl with no family. No one would ever want you. Not even him."

The crowd laughed even more. "Look at her face!"

"She thought she was important!"

"Sad girl with no parents!"

Ayden came close to me. He was laughing too. "Did you really think I loved you, Em? It was a game. A bet. To see if I could make the quiet girl with no parents fall in love with me. You were the easiest one. That is all you are."

My heart broke into pieces. A game. A bet. Nothing more.

He laughed. He did not call me back. He did not try to stop me. He just stood there and laughed with everyone else.

My eyes filled with hot tears. My whole body shook. I pulled my hand from his and I ran. I pushed through the people who were laughing at me. I ran past the bright lights. I ran through the sound of their mean voices.

Outside, the street was dark and quiet. The only sound was me crying. I held my shoes in my hand. My feet were bare and cold on the ground.

"How could I be so dumb?" I cried to the night. "Why did I trust him?"

My legs took me to the old bridge. The air was cold. Under me, the river was loud and black.

I held the cold bridge with my hands. My body shook.

Bad memories came to me.

My dad. His face was white. He fell on the floor. I was eight. The doctor said his heart stopped.

My mom. She was sick in a bed. The sickness made her very thin. I held her hand and cried. I asked her not to go. But the sickness took her.

The children's home. People felt sorry for me. I wore old clothes that did not fit. People whispered. Poor Emily. She has no one.

Then I got a scholarship. My one hope. My teachers said, "You are smart, Emily. You will have a good life. You will leave this place."

But tonight, all that hope was gone. It was destroyed by Ayden's laugh.

I closed my eyes. The tears came fast. "I have nothing. No one cares. No one ever cared."

I held the cold metal of the bridge very tight.

"I just want the hurt to stop," I whispered to the wind.

I climbed up. I stood on the edge. My shoes fell from my hand into the dark water below.

"Goodbye, Emily."

I fell forward. The wind pulled at my hair and my wet dress. The black water came up to get me.

The river was hard. My body hit the water hard. My face hit a rock under the water. A very sharp pain exploded on my face. I was cut open. I felt warm blood come out.

My eyes hurt. I could not see well. I did not fight. I let the water pull me down. My arms did nothing. My body was heavy. The cut on my face hurt, but inside I felt nothing. This is what I wanted. For it all to end.

The cold water was all around me. My lungs wanted air, but I did not swim. I did not try to go up.

And then—

A new sound. A very loud sound. A motorcycle.

Bright white lights cut over the dark water.

Then, strong arms grabbed me. They pulled me out of the cold water. I was on the ground. I was coughing up water and blood. The cut on my face hurt a lot in the air. A new smell was there now. It was leather, and cold night, and smoke.

My eyes were blurry. I saw the shape of a man. He was leaning over me. He held my arms very tightly.

"Not tonight, sweetheart," his deep voice said. It was a sound that shook the world.