5. Mrs Abubakar

The feeling is there, that awful feeling that she's doing the wrong thing all over again. It had been nagging her for three days now and it's already too late to stop what was happening. 

She was now officially Mrs Abubakar.

Zeenat Kabir Abubakar Abukur.

The refusal of Samira to attend the wedding had painted a grief in Zeenah’s psyche, According to her, the wedding is null and void until they cleanse their selves. Deep down, Zeenah knew she was right one way or the other, but she still couldn't bring herself to accept what they did was wrong and ought to cleanse themselves before marriage.

Well, whatever the case maybe___the deed had already been done.

The soft tap on the door brought her out of her reverie. She quickly drew the veil over her head and ducked her head down. Her heart beating in anticipation. Today, it should and would be one of the best days of her life.

Abubakar sat beside her on the bed, his eyes trailing over every part of her body he could see through the dimly lighted room. The excitement is not here. He ought to be excited, this is his first night as a husband and yet___all he could feel was some hallow feeling beneath his heart. The sexual tension he had had for her in a long time was gone, the excitement also is gone and he also doesn't feel like today is his wedding night.

What had happened? He wondered.

He slowly lifted the veil and only after looking at her eyes did his heart jumped a bit. And then she smiled and his eyes trailed along her wide lips. So beautiful__ he thought.

He took both of her hands into his and felt how soft they were like they were three days back. Maybe that was why he was not excited__he knows everything she has and how she feels on every part of her body when being touched. He knows her reaction to certain things and what she likes best.

Before he knew all these, he had been wondering how she feels or how She'll react to his kisses and so on, and now__after knowing all that...the thrill is gone leaving him with the remembrance of the first time every day. It'll never be the same again___he thought.

"We are finally two souls bounded in one. Tow hearts bounded in one and two people bounded in one. I know I'm not a perfect husband, but I'll try as much as I can to always make you happy Zeenatu. Thank you for being mine."

She looked at him through her tear-stained face and felt like this was the first time they had met and spoke. It looks so unreal listening to him tell her such words. She had been right when she fell in love with him. Every ounce of guilt she once felt was washed away by his words. She is his__and he; hers.

"Thank you for making me yours, thank you for accepting me the way I am. Thank you for your love. I love you."

He knew he still loved her, what worries him was his lack of excitement of having her in his arms___in his own House, on their matrimonial bed. What the hell is wrong with him?!

He hugged her tightly, all in hope for the thrill to come back or so, yet__he felt nothing. Deciding to finally give up, he kissed her on her forehead, and then the tip of her nose and finally her lips before he stood up.

He looked at her closely and noticed how heavy she breaths___there's nothing he still can do.

"Have a goodnight rest Zeenatu. See you in the morning" and he left.

Zeenah felt as though a bucket of cold water had been poured all over her. What had happened? What is with the new behaviour? What had she done? Shouldn't he be with her on their first night? Shouldn't he hold her in his arms for a while? Ask them to pray and then consummate their marriage?

'What is there to consummate when you've both consummated the marriage before getting married?' Her subconscious asked.

She closed her eyes and felt her chest constrict at the pain deep within her. She hopes whatever it ends today. She can't handle heartaches like this.

*

Abubakar woke up the next day with a terrible migraine. He knew the cause of the migraine was because he wasn't able to sleep. This was his first night at his own home, with the woman he loves, but yet... there was nothing exciting about it. And that baffles him so much.

Where was the excitement that had been building in his for months now? Why doesn't he feel anything? What had happened to their connection?

He took a slow bath with the thoughts of how Zeenah had slept. Worse than him? Or did she have a good night's rest?

He stepped out of his room and saw Zeenah sitting in the living room already. Dressed in a blue and orange Ankara, she draped a blue veil on her head. Her face was glowing and he couldn't resist smiling at the figure before him. 

"Good morning, Matar Abubakar Sadeeq." He greeted as he sat beside her.

Zeenah ducked her head down and smiled shyly. "Morning, Angon Zeenatu."

"How was your night?" He took both of her hands in his and squeezed, and Zeenah could swear she felt a spark she had never felt, not even when he was making her his.

" It was fine, Alhamdulillah. Yours?"

"Terrible," Abubakar replied looking her directly into the eyes. "I couldn't sleep, I don't know why. I wanted to sleep in the same room with you, but I just was not feeling that connection, that excitement or thrill. What happened to us?" He asked slowly.

Zeenah had wondered the same thing. But she knew that they both knew what the answer was, they just didn't want to admit it 

"Stress?" She asked slowly, knowing that she was lying.

"Yes, stress." Abubakar agreed, before placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"As salaamu alaikum"  they heard a voice saying. Abubakar quickly released and stood up. It was some of his relatives and hers. Damn! Abubakar thought angrily, now...he won't be allowed to spend time with his wife. Damn some of the Hausa traditions!

1 week later.

She knew that something was off, ever since the first-night __Zeenah knew that things had changed between them, but she didn't know things will be this way.

They would spend the day together, chat and laugh. But once its night time___the atmosphere changes and they both sleep in their separate rooms. This is not what she had wanted nor what she had hoped for.

All these are bonuses to the pains she had been going through for over two weeks now. Nausea, stomach pain, cravings, and so on. She had wanted to tell him but brushed off the issue every time she wanted to. But not anymore. Today, she felt worse and he's yet to check up on her.

Every morning, they meet up in the sitting room and exchange pleasantries. No one goes to the other person's room. They had been acting like strangers than married couples.

She Winced when she felt her stomach twisting and quickly rushed to the bathroom to throw up. The third time this morning.

She crawled back to her room and sat down on the tiled floor, her back on the bed. She closed her eyes and rested her head by the side of her bed but quickly opened them after a while.

What if? She wondered in shock. What if she really is?

Picking up her phone, she quickly typed a text to Abubakar and waited for him, only to hear the door to her room being banged loudly before it was jacked opened.

"What the hell do you mean by getting you a pregnancy kit? Are you pregnant? Whose baby are you carrying in your womb Zeenah? Goddammit! How dare you betray me? We've been married for only a week and you're pregnant? Pregnant?"