Ch46

ENZO

I storm out of the living room before I do something I'll regret. Something like smashing every fucking thing in this house. My mother's laughter follows me to the stairs.

"Don't forget to thank me when you're playing in the NHL, Lorenzo!"

I flip her off without turning around.

"Such a lovely gesture!" she calls after me.

God, I fucking hate her. I make it halfway up the stairs before the realization of what just happened hit me. I squeeze my eyes shut.

Okay... I'm not seriously worried about what her reaction would be right? That's fucking right. I'm worried about what her brother's reaction would be when he listens to that recording.

I practically tore his sister apart with every disgusting word.

But then... I'd said those things to protect her, right? To make my mother believe there was nothing between us.

And now my mother has a recording. A fucking recording.

I pull my phone from my pocket and open Nova's contact. My thumb hovers over the call button.

What am I supposed to say?

Hey, quick heads-up. My mother recorded me telling her you're a pathetic, clingy, uninteresting little sister I only pursued because my friends dared me to. But don't worry, N, I was lying.

Yeah. That'll go over fucking beautifully.

I lock my phone and shove it back into my pocket.

Then I unlock it again.

Fuck it.

I call her.

It rings once.

Twice.

Three times.

"Hello?"

Her voice hits me right in the chest.

"Hey."

A pause. "Hey?" she repeats. "Is everything okay?"

No. Nothing is okay. My mother is a fucking psychopath, my father is holding my future over my head like a goddamn leash, and I'm pretty sure I've just handed them both a loaded gun to use against the one girl I care about.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." I lie.

"Okay..." I can hear the hesitation in her voice. She's probably wondering why I'm calling when she just left my place.

"You're home?" I ask, clearing my throat.

"I am. Yeah. Listen, are you busy?"

"Not really. Why?"

I rub the back of my neck. "Can I come over?"

Another pause. "Sure. Is something wrong?"

I could tell her over the phone. I should probably tell her over the phone. But the thought of saying those things without being able to see her face makes me feel like an even bigger coward than I already am.

"I'd rather talk in person."

"Okay."

Her voice is cautious now. "Enzo?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not having second thoughts about what we talked about, are you?"

"No, Nova."

"Okay." She sounds relieved, though she tries to hide it. "I'll see you in a bit, then."

I end the call and stare at my phone.

I have approximately fifteen minutes to figure out how to tell a girl I've wanted for longer than I'm willing to admit that I called her a pathetic, clingy, uninteresting little girl.

Wonderful.

Just fucking wonderful.

NOVA

I know something is wrong the moment Enzo walks through the door. Thankfully Noah's not home and our parents aren't either.

"Hey," I say, closing the door behind him.

"Hey."

I fold my arms, watching him stare at the floor. "Okay, you're officially freaking me out."

His gaze lifts to mine. "Can we sit down?"

My stomach twists. Oh, God. He's changed his mind. Of course he has. What was I expecting? That he'd wake up and suddenly decide he wants to hold my hand in public and take me on dates and remember every insignificant detail about my life?

Maybe he'd gone home and realized what he'd agreed to. Maybe he'd thought about Noah. Maybe he'd remembered that I'm the same girl he's known for years, the girl who's always been somewhere in the background of his life.

Maybe...

"Nova."

I blink. "Sorry. What?"

"Sit down, please."

I nod and take a seat on the couch. He sits beside me, leaving enough space between us for another person.

That doesn't help my anxiety.

He rests his elbows on his knees and stares at his hands. "I need to tell you something."

I swallow. "Okay."

"And you're probably not going to like it."

Oh. I press my lips together. "Did you change your mind?"

His head snaps toward me. "What? No."

"Then what is it?"

He exhales sharply, dragging a hand through his hair. "My mother asked me about you."

I blink. "Why?" This is supposed to a secret. My stomach is already churning at the thought of Enzo's mom knowing about us and spilling it... to my parents... to Noah.

"Because she noticed something was going on."

My cheeks warm. "Oh." I mutter. That's not exactly reassuring.

"She wanted to know if I liked you."

I stare at him, my head blank. This just keeps getting better and better. My heart gives an embarrassing little flutter. "And what did you tell her?"

He doesn't answer. I guess that's when that flutter dies. "Enzo?"

"I told her I didn't like you."

"Ok." I say, my mind blanker than blank.

"Nova..."

"No, I heard you. I just..." I stop, forcing myself to take a breath. "Why?"

He looks miserable. "Because I wanted her to leave you alone."

I stare at him. That doesn't make any sense. He continues before I can say anything.

"My father was already threatening to interfere with my hockey career. My mother kept going on about distractions and how I couldn't afford to screw up my future. She wouldn't stop asking questions about you, so I told her what she wanted to hear."

"Which was that you don't like me?"

"Yes."

I look down at my hands. "Okay."

It's such a small word for something that suddenly makes my chest feel unbearably tight.

I'd spent years convincing myself that Enzo would never see me as anything other than Noah's little sister. Then, he told me he had feelings for me, and then I'd finally gathered enough courage to tell him what I wanted.

I'd actually believed him. Well, I wanted to believe him. And now he's sitting beside me, explaining that he went home and told his mother he didn't like me.

I almost laugh. Of course. It's tricky though. Because what the hell would he have said? Yes, he liked me? And then she'd go straight to my parents and brother? I press my lips together.

Still not justifying.

"Okay," I say.

Enzo frowns. "Okay?"

I shrug. "What do you want me to say?"

"Anything, preferably."

I turn to him, managing a small smile. "Well, I'm glad you told me." The words sound perfectly reasonable. My chest doesn't feel reasonable at all.

He studies my face. "You're angry."

"I'm not."

"Nova."

"I'm not angry, Enzo."

It's a lie. I'm furious. I'm furious that he could say those things about me, even if he claims he didn't mean them. I'm furious that I allowed myself to get excited about the possibility of being someone he wanted. And I'm especially furious that a tiny, humiliating part of me is already trying to find excuses for him.

He shifts closer. "There's more."

I turn to him slowly. "More?"

He nods. My stomach drops. "What else did you say?"

He looks away. "Nova..."

"What else?"

He presses his lips together before finally answering. "I told her my teammates dared me to get you to fall for me."

For a moment, I can't feel my fingers. I stare at him. "And?" I ask quietly.

His eyes return to mine. "I told her you were like a little sister to me."

I nod. "And what else?" I ask.

"I said some things I shouldn't have."

"Such as?"

He tells me. Every word.

Pathetic.

Clingy.

Stupid.

Uninteresting.

He tells me he said I looked like a drowned rat. That I dressed badly. That I was always whining and making everything a big deal.

By the time he's finished, I'm staring at the coffee table.

There's a book lying open beside the remote. I can't even remember what I was reading before he arrived.

All I can think about is how easily those words came out of his mouth.

"Nova, I didn't mean any of it."

I nod quickly. "I get it. You don't want any trouble. You don't want what she'll do."

"I was lying to her," he says. "I wanted her to think you meant nothing to me so she'd stop asking questions. I thought if she believed I wasn't serious about you, she'd leave you alone."

I swallow.

"And you thought insulting me was the best way to do that?"

"I know you said you were trying to protect me," I continue, keeping my voice as steady as I can. "And I appreciate you telling me the truth. But you have to understand how that sounds from my side."

"I do."

"No, I don't think you do."

He goes quiet. I look down at my hands again.

"I know I can't take back what I said. But I meant what I told you earlier today, Nova. About wanting to try."

My heart gives a painful little squeeze. I wish he wouldn't do that. I wish he wouldn't look at me with those eyes and say the exact things I want to hear when I'm trying so hard not to believe him too quickly.

"I like you, Nova. I like talking to you, even when you're being annoying. I like that you argue with me instead of agreeing with everything I say. I like that you care about people, even when they don't deserve it. And I like that you look at me like I'm a person instead of a fucking hockey player."

"And I like the way I feel when I'm around you. I don't know what to do with that yet. I'm trying to figure it out, just like you are."

After a moment, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. "My mother recorded the conversation."

My head snaps up. "What?"

"She played it back to me downstairs. I think she wants to send it to you."

I stare at him in disbelief. "She recorded you saying all that?"

"Yeah."

"Why would she do that?"

"To make sure I stay focused on hockey, apparently."

I shake my head. "That's insane."

"Welcome to my family."

"Do you have the recording?"

"No. She has it."

I look down at my hands. "Well, if she sends it to me, I'll listen to it."

He nods. "I figured you would."