Chapter Three

While I am walking on the hallway inside our building, I can't help but to fall a tear from my own eyes, still inside my head on how Elric shakes his head earlier, telling me that he didn't love me a little. That alone makes me want to shout but I contain myself, knowing that I am in the middle of the crowd— students walking to and fro, while I am here, tearing up. I bring my left hand up and bit the side of it, wanting to stop myself from crying hard. My nose is a bit sore now and my muscles are in tension. I could not understand the pain I am currently feeling but one thing is only clear to me...

I am hurt.

Deeply hurt. I did not expect heartbreak can be this painful. You see, Elric is always been my first love. Who wouldn’t? I mean, he was actually super nice to me. Treat me as if I am that precious, he often calls me sweet names way back when we were just friends. He was always the one who will approach me and ask me out. Lend me his hand always whenever he feel that I need it; a shoulder I believed I can lean on, call me when problems at home occur—everything! He was all nice and good to me not until these past few months. It was just so absurd of me not to notice it first-hand. I did not know love can often make people blind, and I wonder what else it can offer us aside from sweet temporary feelings and heartbeat rhythm in this life.

I sniff, trying to move my handbag a little then my gaze falls down on the floor, counting my steps to entertain my wounded heart. What more can I do to stop these tears from falling? I never thought I can cry in the middle of the hallway just because I am broken. I whispered to myself before sniffing once more. My lips then pouted when I notice that I have been wiping my tears using the hem of my blazer and hints of my make-up is being stained on it already. I stop for a while to wipe it off a little but it smudged even more, making me tear up out of frustration.

“What a day!” I exclaimed in pure annoyance.

Some people stop for a while when they heard me but I just gave them a stern look and good thing they just went by and left me alone—letting me suffer on my own without asking further questions.

Come on, I don’t have the energy anymore to speak a thing with someone. I am still not over with my conversation with my ex-boyfriend and I don’t allow another negative energy inside my system. I believed that is unhealthy. I thought.

Sniffing for one last time, I then turn my head on the right side, seeing the wide field with lots of students like me around the corner. The football team is playing there, and I can’t help but to pause and lean on the railings for a while to scan for Elric. Tell me crazy and hypocrite but I guess it is not only me who is still trying to ‘simp’ over her ex-boyfriend, right? I mean, we just broke up not an hour ago and what do you expect me to do? Cry again? Hold up, people doesn’t see me like that.

I look on the left side of the field when I can’t find him playing. I guess he is still taking a rest—but I thought he only has fifteen minutes for a break? I move my gaze to the other corner then my lips automatically formed a straight line when I saw him sitting on a bench with someone blonde and curly. I watch how the girl is close to him and on how their face are close to each other, making my hands formed a ball of fist.

It’s really Mhaureen. I knew her—everyone knows here. Prolly because she is the smartest in their department and a beauty queen. I heard she was crowned as Miss Urban for two consecutive years and pretty came from a very well-off family.

I have rich parents too! I exclaimed inside.

My insecurity rose up even higher, knowing that I am way different from her. My heart is aching seeing them that close but my brain shouts horror, knowing how Elric hurt me—made me believe that I am a great girlfriend and all. Every care, efforts and risks I drop down for him; every love I gamble for my family to accept me having a boyfriend—all of it were put into waste.

“All this time, I am actually a mistress?” I whispered to myself before wiping another tear that slipped off from my eyes.

Biting my upper lip, I move away from the railing and starts to walk once  again towards my class. I check every room and found out that rooms started to get filled-in by students, people on the hallway slowly becoming few and so I realized that it’s almost my first class.

I check my Tambour Vachetta Leather watch for the time and really wanted to cry in annoyance when I am already a minute late. Come on, it’s the first day of our second semester after that rigorous exams that we have been dealing days back. Our semestral break was supposed to be a week but some Professors used it to make use of the remaining lessons and projects that we missed.

With my handbag already on my side, I half-run after I notice that I am still on the second floor and I think fourth-year students’ classes is supposed to be on the fourth floor.

“For damn sake,” I whispered while half-running. “I am sorry!” I exclaimed when I bumped someone but just went up to continue.

I am sure that I heard a bag falling down and a few things but I decided to keep on running. My bad. But desperate times is in need of desperate actions that needs to be taken.

I reached the fourth-floor and notice the empty hallway. I look for room 158 but I was already walking back and forth when numbers 144, 145, 146, 147, 148, and 149 kept on showing, making me gasp.

“Excuse me?”

I look left when someone approaches me. I saw a woman who seems to be in his forties, looking at me under her eyelids. She is holding an opened book while scanning me from head to toes so I bit my lip.

“Problem? Do you belong in my class? Last name?”

My eyes grew bigger. “Huh?”

She look at me weirdly before clearing her throat. “You kept going to and fro in the corridor, you must be a Sociology student?”

“What?! Uhm—no! I am sorry. I am a literature student and I was thinking that fourth floor is for u—“

“No, it’s two floors up.” She annoyingly stated before she turn her back from me.

I bit my upper lip, looking at so many pair of eyes inside that room. The embarrassment I earned for today is sh*tting the demons inside me. Minutes ago, I was crying but now I am freakingly annoyed!

Normalize blaming Elric for all the bad luck that is happening in my life. I thought before walking upstairs weakly.

There is no reason to run again for me to get in the class. I am already late anyway. Whatever.

The empty staircase made me think of Elric once again. A bitter smile escape from my lips, knowing that for the next days of my life, every silence I could get will always be about Elric and the pain he caused me.

I finally reached the sixth floor and just like on the fourth floor, the hallway is now empty and I obviously hear the sounds of crickets right on where I am currently standing. My heart is beating fast but I do not have the energy to overthink as much as I can since I am so full of today’s drama already.

My feet took me long before I arrived in front of the room where I should really be. Wishing that there is no Professor inside, I turn the knob right and only hear a long silence—making me raise my gaze. There are so many pair of eyes watching me on where I am standing. My lips are parted apart as I roam my eyes around the wide place. There are some familiar faces that I have been dealing everyday but there are also unfamiliar ones which I bet from the lower years or I don’t know. My head then turn to the only person who is standing while holding a book on top of the platform. Seeing the person made me purse my lips back altogether, feeling a bit ashamed knowing the fact that the Professor who is raising his brows up at me and curiously watching me from head to my toes is the popular and rousingly handsome Professor of this University.

Ah, damn it. I murmured to myself before I turn my gaze away from him—acting fierce, to show everyone that I am fine after what happened.  I walk few steps to find vacant seats and scan towards the center aisle to find one.

Okay. I know, I know that what really just happened a few seconds ago is very embarrassing and my own way of coping about it is to ignore these gazes. What more I can do?

Ah, maybe apologize first, Dionne! My insides shouted so I hurriedly turn around towards where the Professor is standing. I saw how he got surprised by my sudden impulse just by looking how his head move an inch away, and on how his lips move before clearing his throat and look around to the other students.

I want to seriously slap myself straight on the face but I ignore my senses and bow ninety degrees to apologise straight in front of his face.

“I am so sorry for being late, Mister!” I exclaimed while closing my eyes.

Everyone are silent while I still can feel their attention are all at me. I sniff before I stand up straight, looking at him in front of the Professor’s eyes. “I promise not to be late in your class once again.” I said almost in a whisper before turning around to take the nearest vacant seat but the Professor spoke after me, making me stop from my own trance.

“In my class only, Miss?”

“Huh?”

I can hear few little laugh near me so I turn to check who were those people then saw my male friends and my other few close friends looking at me. I widen my eyes at them before turning to look back at our professor who is now crossing both of his arms over his chest, gone the book he was holding earlier.

“I—uh,”

“You are late in the first day of our class, what do I need to expect from you on the next classes, Miss?”

I purse my lips, getting embarrassed. Without no words coming outside from my mouth, I chose to just bow my head down. How can I explain that I just went through a break up that is why I am late on his class? Will that even be valid? I blow an air while still looking down, can’t believe I am close to being diss by my own professor.

Gosh, I have been in this university for a long time now, only to be in trouble with this hot Professor.

I shove that thoughts off my head before I look back at him.

“I am sorry.” I said in whisper.

I thought he will going to throw me some fit once again but he just cleared out his throat as he look around the room before saying, “get a sheet of paper, we are going to have a quiz about my discussion.”