Chapter Two

Leigh and I both look at each other with so much confusion visible on our faces. I lick my lower lips before moving a little to cast out the uncomfortable chain that is slowly building inside me before facing Mica once again. 

"W-we just got inside the university a minute ago. Why?" I asked, trying to hide my stutter, but it turned out against my will. I stuttered, for I do not know why. 

"What about Elric and Mhaureen?" My best friend intervened this time with a crease visible on her face. I was about to touch her shoulder to calm her down, but Mica spoke for the second time around. 

"I don't know if I am in the place to say this, but I heard from the Nursing department that they are both dating for a year now."

***

The wind passes my place as I carry my handbag on my left shoulder while standing on the field, trying to scan for Elric in the middle of the crowd. Students are gathering on the side to witness the football try-out, but while everyone is making loud noises from their cheers and bets, I am here silently praying to see Elric amidst the crowd. He said that they were practicing earlier for this, but why is he nowhere to be found?

I searched for my phone inside my bag planning to call him, but a sudden impact hit my shoulder, making me groan in pure discomfort while holding my shoulder that was hit by a ball. I do not know what to feel right now; I am still confused and petrified about what I heard from Mica, and now, I am hit with a ball and its impact is still on me. My right hand rubbed a particular part of my left shoulder until I felt someone stands a meter away from me. 

I turn my head to check the person, only to see a man I am not familiar with, but he is wearing a plain white shirt and varsity short. One thing that caught my attention is the red bandana around his head. 

"I'm sorry; I hope you are not hurt." 

Upon saying that, he automatically grabbed the ball from the ground and turned his back away from me, leaving my entirety speechless as if everything goes well just because he was asking me if I am okay.

I gasp a little. He is what? Did he really meant he was sorry about what happened? Just like that? Hello? I am obviously hurt! 

I wanted to cry out of frustration while I stare at his back. My lips are trembling and my eyelids started to water, but I am really trying my best not to break down. I am hurt. That hit from a ball hurts but nothing hurts more than the pain of finally being mocked by reality that there is a chance that the man whom I trusted so much and I love so much... is hurting me for long now. 

I raise my head while biting my lower lip, and my hands are already balling into a fist. "Idiot, I am hurt!" 

Without thinking too much, I screamed on top of my lungs while his back was still facing at me. I saw him stop from his own trance, and I could now feel everyone's attention towards me. But I couldn't care more. I seriously don't know what to do anymore nor what to feel at this point. 

"Idiot, who are you to wish that I am not hurt?! You hurt me! What do you expect me to feel? Blessed?! Man, you are hurting me damn much! How could you?!" I shouted even more. 

I could not clearly see who these people around me are because my vision is already blurry because of the tears, but I just sniff and turn around before I ran away from that place. While running, my tears are endlessly falling down on my cheeks, uncertain on what to feel at this point of my life. I then found myself in the garden where students stays the least, so I decided to stay here for a while for me to calm myself. 

I sniff once again while skimming through my bag to pull out my phone. After a few seconds, while I am browsing Elric's number on my contacts, my phone vibrated showing my boyfriend's nickname on the screen. 

The mere sight of Prince Charming Calling on my phone sent pure blisters inside my soul even despite the fact that I am literally hurt, and confuse right now, whether to believe Mica or wait for him to explain and get things back on track. 

But whatever may happen, I hope he will be honest to me...

I sniff for the last time while drying the tears off my face before answering his call. "H-hello?" I sobbed.

There was a long silence in the middle of our line, making me want to cry even harder for overthinking the situation automatically. I am biting my lower lip, wishing that he'll ask me where I am currently and what happened to me, if I am alright— like what other men do when their woman is in a state like mine, but instead, I heard nothing from Elric. 

A long sigh was heard from the other line. "Where are you?" He asked. 

I look around the garden with full-bloom flowers as if they are enjoying the light of day, being swift off by the wind. The pink, white, and yellow flowers look so happy and alive while I am here in front of them, in tears.

What a shame. I murmured inside before I gather my confidence to speak with my boyfriend once again, but he spoke first. 

"Meet me on the field." He plainly said. 

My lips parted in aghast, can't believe that he really let me be the one to come over to where he is. I didn't expect to hear these from him. Honestly, I am hoping that he will come to me and tell me that the rumours are not true—that I am the one he loves and not the other woman that other people said he has dated for a year now. 

Remembering that thought alone makes me want to cry even harder. A year? So what am I to him all this time, his mistress?

In the middle of the long silence, I break it out and snapped my question around. "Tell me honestly, Elric, did I do something wrong to you?" I asked, not thinking too much. 

"I will wait for you here–"

"Were you real to me?" 

"I could not wait long. We only have fifteen minutes break." 

I bit my lips once again, trying to hide the sniff coming out from me. That alone makes me want to cry and fall down on the ground right this time. Hearing his cold response wants me to conclude things and make myself believe that all this time, my best friend is right. That after all the trust and love I put into him, I would be left with nothing but only the pain of a failed love story that all this time I thought was real. But jokes on me for trusting this five-month-old relationship so bad. It's so pathetic of me to wish for a fairy tale love story in the middle of this rampant failed love stories.

While heading back to the field, I am trying my very best to just look at the ground—afraid that the moment I raise my head up, I'll meet Elric's eyes and let myself believe that this love story I have in mind is still worth the try. I wipe the tears under my eyelids to prevent it from falling until I notice a pair of white shoes with three lines on the side of it. Just by hearing the sound of his breath near me made me know who this person is. I sniff before looking at him before showing him my smile. 

"H-hey!" I greeted as if nothing was wrong.

I stare at him as he does the same as if he is looking through my soul to read me. 

I wanted to fall back right now seeing him this close to me. God knows I love this man so much. By just looking at his face makes me want to embrace him. For months, he has been my favourite place. He is my home I would love to stay when I miss my parents in the middle of my struggles in my last year in college. 

I look around, still trying to hide the tears even though my nose hurts a lot now from crying. I smiled before pointing the shadow of a tree a few meters away from us. "Let's stay there?" I asked him but he remained silent while still looking down at me. I smiled once again even though it hurts already before I grab his right hand to pull him towards the tree but his words made me stop abruptly.

"Let's break up." 

Upon hearing those words coming out of his mouth, I don't know but it hurts more than I imagined. I knew that this would come but I didn’t expect more than this. I bit my upper lip, still trying to purse a smile as I looked around the busy field. I then blink my eyes many times, still trying to stop myself from tearing up, but I really could not fake myself anymore and let those tears fall down on my cheeks in front of Elric. 

I sniff while nodding my head at the same time. "Why?" 

What my best friend hates about me is that I wanted to torture myself so bad. Everleigh hates me for being like this but it is my way of coping up with the pain for me to recover immediately. 

I saw how Elric's jaw moved before he looked away, now avoiding my gaze. "I am sorry." He whispered before he gasped and looked away once again. 

"Sorry for what?" I asked once more even though my insides are already breaking and I wanted to shout at him real bad, but I condone myself from doing so because I am not in the place to make such actions. 

I wipe my tears off my face before I make him look at me by grabbing his arm. "Look at me and be honest with me. Elric, I will understand it but please, answer me."

He looks at his wristwatch this time. "It's almost your first class, Dionne. Go ahead. You'll be late."

"For d*mn sake, Elric, I don't care! Just answer me, why are you breaking up with me?!" I could not hold it for long now. "A minute ago, you said you are breaking up with me and now you are making me believe that you still care for me, d*mn it, you are making it harder for me, Elric! Why?!"

He turned his head towards me, making me want to pull back all those words that just came out from my mouth a few seconds ago. I saw how Elric's face turned cold, staring down at me with pure judgment. "Stop giving yourself false hopes, Dionne. You are making everything hard for yourself, not me."

Even though it hurts, I nod my head. "Okay. Just answer my question then. Why are you breaking up with me?"

Elric runs his hands through his hair before he facepalms out of frustration, then finally drops his gaze towards me, weighing my emotions but he still chose to hurt me instead. "Because I was just playing with you!" 

That words coming out from his own mouth is the kind of pain I wanted to know so bad. He just literally said it. He finally admitted it. That after all the suspicions that Everleigh threw towards him are all true. I bit my upper lip to stop myself from sobbing this time. Looking up at him with a fake smile plastered on my face, I nod my head while still staring at him. He never let me go with his gaze but I remain smiling even though tears are starting to fall from my eyelids. 

"Okay," I said before wiping the tears harshly from my cheeks. "So is it true that you have been in a relationship with that Mhaureen for a long time? Then what about me, Elric? Your pass time? An option? A mistress?"

It is just so absurd for him to be in another relationship with someone knowing that he has a lover already. Then what about that other woman? Did she know about this too? I am afraid she'll be hurt as well. The fact that I am not the only one whom Elric hurt made me want to be angrier towards him. 

"Dionne…" He trailed this time. "Everything was a bet for me to get back to her. I am so sorry about everything.”

Trust me when I say that I almost want to lose my sanity right now. I wanted to punch him on the face real hard for hurting me this much. "How dare you…" I whispered while looking up at him.

Elric made a deep sigh before he looked away from me. I can clearly see how his jaw tightened before he licked his lips and turned his back away from me. "I am so sorry." He said for one last time before he could take a step away from me.

Every time he took a step farther made me start to realize that I could no longer touch his hands, and those late night talks we often do will only remain inside my memory; those times when I wanted a shoulder to lean on, he was right there. And now, that man I thought is my Prince Charming is now fading away from my hold. I know exactly that there was something wrong but I remained deaf and blind because I love him. I still can remember how he approached me on our second semester in third year, we then became friends and often went out after class breaks. 

I wipe my tears off my face for the nth time before I raise my head to see his back, and for one last time, I called his name and he immediately stop. Elric remained standing without turning his face to me, but I still push what I wanted to ask him. 

"Did you by chance love me even just a little?"

A long silence occured in between Elric and me while other people from afar are making good laughs and conversation. The faint sound of people is all I hear right now while waiting for his response until he shakes his head—a one last sign I need to finally stop this delusions.