Chapter 3

“You must be out of your goddamn mind!”

My mother yelled in my face.

Her alcohol stenched breath made its way through my nostrils and I immediately scrunched my face in disgust.

“Mother it’s just till I get back on my feet.” I rolled my eyes, already having a headache from her behavior.

She had blocked my path, stopping me from getting into the house. A house I paid the full rent for.

“You’re going back….burp…..to that marriage you hear me.” She tried to reach for me but I dodged her hand.

People had already begun to gather in front of the compound.

“Mom, we'll talk about this tomorrow…when you’re not wasted. Just let me get my things back in the house.” I pushed past her but she pulled me back.

“You’re so useless!” She screamed. “You’ve done nothing but…but leech off me..burp….now when you’re supposed to spend on me you waste that opportunity!” She pushed my head back with her index finger.

“You’re so useless and stupid. You’re the reason your father left us, he couldn’t deal with all…,your…your rubbish.” Her lips began to quiver. “I should have done the same too.”

At this point the whole street had gathered to watch us.

“Mother just go inside, we’ll talk about this–”

“No!” She swatted my hands away.

“Who’s going to pay for the house now? You?”

“Once I’m back on my feet I’ll pay for the house and take care of you.” I tried to calm her down.

“You’re lying and you know that. You can’t survive without Jordan’s money! He’s the richest man in this part of town….you've doomed us all.” She fell to the ground and started lamenting.

“Goodness she’s at it again…”

“It’s just 4pm, how is she so drunk?….”

“Poor Mai, I would have left her to die in the bottom of a bottle by now….”

They weren’t even trying to be quiet about their gossip anymore. I could hear all of them.

This isn’t what I need right now.

“Mother please, just stop this and let’s go inside.” I picked her up from the floor but she only pushed my hands off and fell back down.

“Go back to that marriage or I die here, today.”

I don’t know if it was the after shock from what I had experienced with Jordan or Karla or the fact she was making things so difficult but I couldn’t hold back anymore.

I lashed out.

“Go back to the marriage?!” It was my turn to tell now.

“Do you know when last he told me he loved me? When was the last time he kissed me? Mother, Jordan doesn’t even look at me!” I sniffled.

“And I decided to come home and hide away from all this madness and instead of asking you about my feelings and health you keep talking about money, money, money!”

“Yes, because your emotions won’t pay my bills!” She barked.

I shook my head as I backed away.

“You’re never going to change. I thought after all these years you’d at least try and change for me, but–but this is just who you are.”

She doesn’t say anything. She just sat on the ground staring at me.

“Don’t ever call me back, because you’ll never see me again.”

I backed away till I was near the cab and got back in.

All her neighbors had already surrounded the entrance of her gate, watching and sympathizing with me.

Why did I even come here? What the fuck was I thinking?

“Where?” The cab man asked.

I stifled my moans of pain.

“Just—anywhere, as long as it’s far away. I’ll pay.”

As he slowly pulled out of the drive way I locked eyes with my mother who had still refused to get up from the floor.

“Leave me just like your father!” She yelled as the cab drove off.

I didn’t even wait for the cab man to be out of the neighborhood before I howled out in pain.

I gripped my shirt and slapped my chest—where my heart is located—several times until all I could feel was the sting from the physical pain I had just caused myself and not the emotional damage.

It was getting hard to  breathe and my vision became blurry.

“Ah…” I moaned. “Why me?”

The driver watched me from the mirror but said nothing.

He just drove round town for hours and hours.

He didn’t speak or demand anything. He knew I needed the quiet and lust let me soak in my misery.

Eventually evening came and he had to clock out for the day.

He had taken me to a motel in the heart of town. It wasn’t too shabby and it looked like a place I can afford for at least three days.

“This is the best I can do for you ma’am, I’m sorry.” He apologized as I got out of the car.

I sniffled and smiled quietly. “It’s fine, you’ve done plenty. How much do I owe you?”

“Oh no, no.” He shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Fuel is expensive, I can't just…”

He still shook his head. “You use that money to pay for a place to stay for the night.”

He helped me get my things out of the car and drove off.

By the time I finally managed to move my things inside the motel I was a gasping mess.

The security guard who was posted at the front did absolutely nothing to help me at all.

“Good evening…” I breathed out.

The receptionist on duty barely raised her head to acknowledge me.

“Can I please get a room? I’ll be staying for three days.”

She stretched out her hand.

I stared at her confused.

After a while she sighed heavily. “Cash or card?” She drowned out.

Her voice was drained of every enthusiasm and energy.

“Oh…” I reached into my bag and handed her my card.

She swiped it once and it read declined on the screen.

She scowled at me and kissed her teeth.

“Check it again.” I begged.

She swiped it again and again but it still showed declined.

Fuck, Karla froze all my independent accounts.

That crazy bitch.

“Okay can you just let me stay a night? I swear by tomorrow morning I’ll get your money ready for you—”

“No ma’am I can’t do that.” She shook her head. “It’s against motel policy. Please step out of our establishment or I’ll have to involve security.”

“You don’t understand, I have the money, I just need to unfreeze—”

“Ma’am please step outside.”

And this time she wasn’t asking.

I took slow but steady steps backwards before I struggled to take my things back outside.

Absolutely nothing was working out for me right now.

I’m being kicked out of every single place I go.

This whole situation is supposed to make me want to go back and beg. To let them know I’m nothing without Jordan’s money. To beg my mother to let me in.

But over my dead body would I let my knees touch the ground for any of them.

I’ll show them, I’ll show them all.

“Help! He just collapsed!”

I was dragged out of my thoughts as the cry for help echoed throughout the narrow back alley behind the motel.

My first instinct was to turn away. I shouldn’t even get involved, I couldn’t even afford to.

I hadn’t touched a patient in years. Not since I decided to drop everything and marry Jordan.

My hands shake anytime I think of going back to the hospital.

“Please!” The woman screamed again. “Is there a doctor around? He’s having a heart attack!”

My chest tightened painfully.

I took a step back, my heels scrapping against the concrete. This wasn’t my problem. I was tired, broke, disoriented and exhausted, I was barely holding myself together–how was I supposed to save a life?

But the moment a wet choking sound attacked my ears, all thoughts of not getting unloved disappeared immediately.

I turned before I could stop myself.