He recalled how he had taunted Shawn with his purity, never giving in, pushing him away and freaking out, declaring his love for him, asking for some person moments to think about them, only to choose to court Chloe throughout their college days until they broke up, having caught her fucking Liam, who would without thinking twice eagerly put his penis inside anything in a skirt. Ivan had remained undecided of what to do.
He exhaled softly as he rubbed his face, glad that Serah had not returned from the night out with her best friend. He could not describe how it would be if Serah had walked in and seen him in that position. Ivan was not ready to come up with an emergency lie. He remembered this man, who had fallen hopelessly and madly in love with him.The man who was ready to do anything to have him in his life, the man he had brutally rejected without a single thought, the man who has now invaded his sleep every nights, stirring up every emotions and longings he once thought was buried forever. Because of him, Shawn had broken the rules of their school, bravely coming out publicly, to confess his love for Ivan in the presence of everyone, ready to publicly claim Ivan even in private to assure Ivan of his love and unwavering commitment to protect him from the incessant taunting by bullies who would mock him relentlessly for loving a man.He recollected how this man also held the esteemed position as the captain of the college football team, the coveted figure that drew the attention and desire of both genders. He had them groveling at his feet. Yet, this same individual had become besotted with the ordinary Ivan Hudson, a scholarship kid. Often, Ivan wondered what captivated this man's interest in him. He did not hail from a privileged background like Shawn; he was bound by the shackles of numerous limitations, unable to reveal his truth to his parents, who would not only disown him but mercilessly execute him, ensuring his demise remained concealed from the world. Ivan's father made this sentiment clear during their family dinners: "Any man who engages in a romantic relationship with another man is doomed to a lifetime of failure and is unworthy to be considered among humans""It is impossible for me to be with you, Shawn. My father will bring about my demise," Ivan disclosed one evening in their clandestine meeting place, where they had both arranged to meet. Shawn's eyes sparkled with excitement, radiating a captivating light that could illuminate an entire street when he saw Ivan the first time that evening.Shawn had embraced him tightly the moment he arrived, almost stealing Ivan's breath away, and proceeded to hold his hand and kiss its delicate back.But as soon as Ivan made that statement, Shawn's expression faltered, and a sharp pain pierced his chest as Ivan released his hand from his grasp. "Please, Ivan, I love you and it's you I want, exclusively," Shawn implored, his voice full of anguish and rejection, his body trembling as he saw Ivan avoiding his gaze."Is there someone else?" Shawn asked, hating the very thought, dreading having to ask Ivan such a question. Shawn had daydreamed countless times about this secretive first meeting, overwhelmed with joy when Ivan agreed to meet him. However, now it seemed like it was turning into one of his nightmares."No, there is no one," Ivan promptly replied, this time their eyes met.Shawn breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank goodness! I can't imagine what I would have done if the situation were reversed."Ivan looked at him, a slight melancholy smile forming on his face, "Shawn, I'm scared. Scared of my fellow classmates, scared of my father...I don't want to disappoint my family. Unlike you, I don't have a family who would accept you for who you are."Shawn took Ivan's hand, tenderly placing a gentle kiss on it. "Then stay with me, live with me. I will take care of you, making sure all your needs are met."Ivan abruptly pulled his hand away from Shawn's grip, "Are you really serious right now? Leave my family to be with you? Just because I don't have the privilege you have doesn't mean I'll abandon my family to join yours!"Shawn shook his head, eager to stop Ivan's anger, "I'm sorry, Ivan. I'm deeply sorry. Forgive me for suggesting that you should come live with me. I just want your happiness," he apologized, hating himself for making such childish proposals.Shaking his head, Ivan turned away from Shawn and said, "I'm sorry, Shawn, but I can't be your boyfriend. For Godsake iam not into boys. Iam not Gay shawn. Please, put an end to whatever it is you are feeling." Without giving Shawn a chance to respond, Ivan swiftly left, almost running away. He ignored Shawn's desperate attempts to call his name and stop him from leaving.Shawn's heart shattered as he watched Ivan slowly disappear from sight, tears welling up in his eyes. He drove home, entered his room, and gave in to his emotions. The pain of rejection overwhelmed him, causing his tears to flow freely.Lying on his modest bed, Ivan couldn't shake the image of Shawn's eyes reflecting his profound pain. Despite genuinely liking Shawn, the fear of coming out to his family was overwhelming. He couldn't bear the thought of his father looking at him with disappointment and disgust, as often happened whenever the topic of same-sex relationships came up.Turning to the other side of his bed, Ivan let the tears stream down his face. He whispered softly, "I'm sorry, Shawn," as he cried himself to sleep, wondering what the next day at school would bring.Waking up from his dream, Ivan got up like a zombie and turned on the shower. With hope in his heart, he hoped that the cold water would calm his uncontrollable desire. But he knew deep down that this longing could never be satisfied. Despite his fervent yearning for a different life path, he had made a series of foolish decisions.Tonight's dream had been the most vivid and realistic one yet. The reason for its intensity was clear. At six in the evening, he would come face-to-face with the man who held the utmost importance in his life, at his ten-year college reunion.The man he had once secretly loved, rejected and left.A strange sensation surged through his body, causing him to tremble at the mere thought of seeing Shawn again, this time in person. Most of his encounters with Shawn had been through magazine pages. Secretly, he had been following Shawn's online presence using an anonymous account. He had even mustered the courage to reach out to Shawn, asking if he would be interested in meeting or talking.When he caught a glimpse of Shawn the first time after five years, Ivan's mouth began to water, driven by a strong curiosity to find out what he had been up to since college.From just looking at his picture to closely watching his numerous televised interviews, it was undeniable that Shawn had a commanding presence. Standing tall at an impressive height, he emitted an aura of confidence and charm. His piercing deep blue eyes, highlighted by well-groomed dark eyebrows, sharp jaw, and his jet black hair styled to perfection seemed to hold a spark of ambition, determination, and something else that
For Ivan, it was both a sense of right and wrong. It felt incorrect to lead Sara on when his feelings for her were not based on sincere love, yet it felt appropriate to seize the opportunity before him with wisdom.Ivan had made a vow to never hurt Sera in any way, but instead to provide her with abundant care and attention. As time passed after proposing to her, which she eagerly said Yes to, he gradually realized that what he felt for her was not mere likeness, but rather a sincere blossoming of love for Sera Grayson. However, everything changed on that fateful evening when he received a message that would completely upend his life, reopening a chapter he had believed to be closed forever. The moment Sera laid eyes on that message, and read it out loud, Ivan ceased to be the Ivan he had been two years prior to when he had known Sera. This time, he transformed into the Ivan he once was during his college days."Pardon me, did you say something?" Ivan inquired, this time looking dir
Before Ivan knew what was happening, Shawn's lips collided with his in a fierce kiss that shook him to the core. His tongue found entrance into Ivan's mouth as he sweetly kissed and dominated him.Ivana stood motionless, everything came to a halt, with wide eyes open in shock, feeling Shawn's soft, yet dominating lips on him.Coming back to his senses, Ivan pushed Shawn away from him. His palm collided with Shawn's cheek in a resounding slap that left the side of Shawn's face red from the impact."You disgust me," Ivana told him, turned around, and walked out.That was the last time he ever set his eyes on Shawn. He never saw him until they graduated from college. Now, tonight, he would be coming face to face with Shawn, in the flesh.Everything he had feared for so long, everything he regretted was coming back to slap him in the face tonight. Maybe this time if he faced his mistakes, he prayed silently, he could finally recover.Ivan cleared his throat slightly. He gave Sera a small
Ivan's blood grew cold. He knew who Madeline was talking about, even though the desperation to crane his neck and look at shawn rose within him. Ivan couldn't summon the courage to meet his gaze. He looked at Madeline, who was already looking at him, and then at Shawn, standing and doing God knows what, and being in God knows which location.Ivan could feel his hand trembling as he held the champagne glass, even though he had been drinking since the reunion party started. Suddenly, his throat became dry. This time around, he didn't need to gulp down a champagne but something strong, something capable of calming his tense nerves.Madeline patted his shoulder softly and walked past him, obviously going over to Shawn. Ivan shakily exhaled as he slowly turned, and his eyes landed on Shawn. But he couldn't help but notice the very handsome blonde man standing close to him, giving Shawn a sweet smile that made Ivan's stomach churn.He realized Shawn hadn't come alone to the party, he came w
Shawn unexpectedly lost his breath. He was even more handsome now than he had been in college, manly fair, and as prim and proper as usual. But the raw need in his eyes drew him to Ivan like a moth to a flame.Ten years had passed since that day in the locker room when he had caught Ivan, who told him he was not gay and would never be one, swapping spit with Alexander Stroviv. He had fooled himself into believing Ivan was straight, as he had endlessly said, and that he was pushing too much. He hated the fact that he had thought he had freaked out Ivan, wanting him to do things he never wanted and had decided to take it slow or back out. Begging to be kissed by Ivan, to touch him, to hug him, Ivan had rejected him, pushed him away, threatened him, called him all sort of hurtful names, Yet, he was in the boy's locker room, going hot with Alexander, an image even after ten years, Shawn hadn't forgotten about it.Still, wanting to be with Ivan was instinctual. Like jumping out of a tenth
Just like he had felt ten years ago, Shawn felt a pang of hurt and pain seeing Ivan making out with the woman he was sure was his fiancée. He hated that he felt this way with just one action from Ivan; this wasn't the new plan. The supposed plan was to ignore Ivan throughout the party, pretend he wasn't there, flaunt his fake boyfriend in his face unbothered, and head back to France like he never came. But it now looked as though the opposite was happening. Instead, it's Ivan flaunting his fiancée right in his face, kissing her passionately, knowing he might be watching, and fuck yes! He had been watching.He had been watching Ivan's every move ever since he laid eyes on him.He had been watching the way he smiled, his dimples appearing cutely on his cheeks.He had been watching the way he held the champagne glass. Heck! A silly thought had crossed his mind, hoping it was his cock Ivan was gripping that way instead."Get a grip of yourself, Shawn Maddox," he chastised himself, hating
"Thanks," he muttered softly, taking the glass of scotch from Shawn.They spent what felt like hours on end sipping and not saying a word. Even though Ivan yearned to hear Shawn's voice, his increasing madness stemmed from his desperate desire for Shawn to say anything, whatever it may be. Even if Shawn had nothing to contribute, Ivan hoped he would engage in conversation about the party or the drinks.Looking directly at Shawn felt daunting, prompting Ivan to swiftly gulp down the remains of his drink, forcing it down his throat and clearing his throat in anticipation of Shawn's response.Meanwhile, Shawn struggled to maintain composure externally, but internally, he was shaking. Standing next to him, Ivan's physical presence was palpable, as was the familiar scent of cologne that Shawn still realized had become Ivan's favorite. While discreetly sipping his drink, Shawn fought to conceal his trembling hand.He pondered what was going through Ivan's mind at that moment. Hoping he wou
Ivan allowed Shawn to take the lead. His mouth, teeth, and tongue dominated every nook and cranny of his own mouth. It felt as though Shawn could not get enough, as though he wanted more. He was desperate to suck in every taste of Ivan's mouth, desperate to eat him whole. Ivan's response matched Shawn's hunger.The way his finger scratched his back, the way he drew Shawn closer to himself, letting him feel his arousal, the way Shawn's hand slid through his hair and gripped it, sent a fiery fire of sensation rushing through Ivan from head to toe. Then he felt Shawn stiffen and his hands jerked away from Ivan like he had touched a scorching object.Shawn's heart almost dropped to the floor. What had he done? This was a mistake, everything! From the moment he accepted the invitation to attending the reunion party, it had been a huge mistake. A mistake he could have certainly avoided.Shawn pushed Ivan away from him, a shocked look on his face as they both stared at each other, lips red a