Chapter four

     

  "Ma'am, I have personally come to report rethabile to you, she has been a bad child, and as you can see this, she has forgotten her bags in school."

 " You don't mean it".

" Yes I do, am I lying?" He asked 

 Tears had stormed my eyes again as I began to fidget, " speak up rethabile!" Mom yelled, making me fall on the floor, 

 " Please don't scold her, she's just little, their mouths are full of lies and deceit just to get whatever they want, they don't know real-life struggles," he said.

  

   Mom stared at him like she was actually listening. Maybe she was, she nodded to his every word and I know she felt connected in some way, it hurts, she won't believe me, she never does 

        " Take this inside," she says. It felt like my demons were staring at me, in human form, and walking a step felt like a thorn in my flesh, " fast!" She yelled and I yelped, taking it from her and then heading into my room. She didn't ask about the bruises she doesn't care either

       I run into my room, tears welling in my eyes, as I stare at the mirror, all I see is a dark skin girl with threaded hair, a narrow hip, brittle lips, and a swollen eye, what do others see, that I can't see in myself, there's absolutely nothing beautiful here… nothing

   

     More tears well in my eyes and I think I might as well suffocate in my palm, as scenes of being molested when I was little came knocking again, it had been my biggest secret, for a while but I know no one believes when there's no proof.

   

      Back in Zulu I had gone to see ugogo and umkhulu [ grandma and grandpa], and they had a visitor who also claimed to be a relative. We would play with itshe all day, tossing it sound, making games of our own.

   We had lots of them and I felt that he understands me, he gets the sadism of a child who wasn't fluent in her language nor was she fluent in her mother's language either.

     The same rethabile who never played with children because they felt she felt too mature for her age, and when I finally found someone who was ready to play with me, I felt the sky beneath my feet.

    But once again in my vulnerable state he had his fingers in my private area. I felt his tongue on me while I was sleeping in his arms, after a new series of nightmares, he was the first person I could think about that wouldn't see as too clingy.

   And when he thought  I was coaxed to bed, he had his tongues and fingers on my private area, then after that was threatened to be killed if I said anything, when I was asked why I would be crying in the middle of the night.

    He did the same thing that just happened minutes ago, he was the first to confront my guardian, lying about how I had been a bad child, and no one ever believes a child, they believe grown-ups, my decision doesn't matter.

    Grandma scolded me for being too clumsy that day, and when I was finally told to sleep, I cried all through the night, as the horrible scene of being threatened came knocking like the ants that hovered around my room.

    " If you say anything, I will kill everyone!" He threatened, my only witness was the ikati. Outside, I could hear their meowing all through the night, and when I couldn't stop crying I came out, it wasn't big, just a small black cat that was almost one with the night sky.

    Its oddly shiny eyes were the only thing I could see clearly, and ever since that night, I had found a special friend who would not expose any of  my secrets to anyone.

    I woke up the next morning and the weird relative had left, without a notice, I felt more joy than pain when the holiday had ended, as there would never be a threat to my family ever again, ever since then I haven't seen my grandparents

   But now it has happened again,and I am forced to see him five times a week. I don't know why they want to do these bad things to me, only an adult does these things.

   " Why are you crying reth" David asked as he entered the room, he was just 11 but he gets me more than anyone, " nothing David," I say to him. I knew he wasn't convinced in any way, but he had tires in his hands and I know he was just about to go out and have the best time of his life.

   " Tell me when I get back" he mumbled with biscuits in his mouth. I smirk at his attempt of dominance, but he would never understand. I wipe my tears, my bruises still hurt, but my heart hurts even more 

    I crawl on my bed, maybe if I sleep it will all go away, it always does. I would be frightened by my nightmares, and then I would forget my present life, that's what I will do, that's all.