“Xue Er! Wake up. Wake up. Have you forgotten what day it is?”
“I feel really lazy… Fine, I’ll wake up right now”
That was my voice!
“Get off the bed right now or you’ll fall asleep once you hang up on my call.”
It’s him! the voice which I heard during the hallucination!
I immediately shot off from the bed…to find Dr Wei giving me a baffled look.
That was a dream.
Was that a dream? Or a part of my memory?
Then, this is the first time I’m recalling something.
Who was that guy who I saw during the stroll? Have I met him before? If so, he might help me remember something.
But, Where can I even search for him? If I only didn’t faint back then, I could’ve even asked his name.
I drooped down my shoulders in despair.
“Miss Parker?”
His voice?!
It was exactly the same voice as in the hallucination.
I immediately turned left. He was standing there and was looking quite worried. I didn’t even know what to say to him.
Dr Wei interrupted,
"You mostly faint when you try to recall your memories. So, did you do try to remember things during the walk?”
There was no point in hiding it.
“Yes, but this time I didn’t forcefully recall something.”
“Then?”
I turned left and looked at that guy,
“I might know him, I’m not sure. But I remembered something as soon as I saw him.”
“Miss Parker, I don't think we have met before”, the mystery guy answered.
Maybe it isn’t him……. But he looked vaguely familiar, and he was the first person to trigger the memories back. His was also looking the same as in that memory.
But he’s calling me Miss Parker, not Miss Xue’er.
“Laia, then do you remember what you recalled before you fainted?”
I don’t think it would be fine for me to say that as soon as I saw that guy, I recalled someone looking like him stretching his arms out for me.
I turned to look at Dr Wei. Now he was standing beside the mystery guy.
“I saw a man, and he was calling me Xue er.” I’m not telling you anything more.
Once I mentioned Xue er, the mystery guy frowned. Does he know something? He spent quite a few moments changing his expression to normal.
Dr Wei kept silent for a moment, and replied,
“Fine, don’t force yourself. You really gave me a fright once you fainted. Not only for me but also for Mr Chen.”
“Mr Chen?....”
Soon the mystery guy cut in,
“I’m sorry, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Chen Lan.”
Chen Lan?........... Why does this name seem so familiar?
The throbbing began this time even before I could remember something. I clutched my head in discomfort.
“Laia! What’s wrong?”
Dr Wei’s voice slowly faded away.
I was hallucinating…..
“By the way, I'm Chen Lan”
The guy extended his hand out for a handshake. I shook hands with him and immediately pulled my hand away.
“I have things to do, I'm leaving."
The guy blocked my way and I felt that I was quite annoyed by him
“You helped me in the morning. So let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
“Let me be direct with you. Can you stop annoying me?” I turned away from him and left.
But I heard him shout from behind,
“Remember my name! I'm Chen Lan! And I’m not going to stop following you around!”
I seemed to leave without turning back.
My eyes blurred out.
I found Dr Wei and the guy- Chen Lan keenly looking at me in concern.
“Laia?”
I found myself still sitting in bed.
“Dr Wei, didn’t I faint?”
“No. You must’ve been hallucinating.”
“Yes.”
“What did you see. Any clarity?”
I didn’t know if I should tell him that I saw someone like the ‘Chen Lan’ who is standing here, in my memories. And the guy standing here says that he doesn’t know me. But I’m very sure that his voice is the same as in my memory, and in the newest obtained piece of memory, I heard it very clear. I don’t know why he denied that he doesn’t know me. I can’t tell him.
I looked at Chen Lan and turned back to Dr Wei. Chen Lan understood what I meant.
“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I’ll take my leave then. I just wanted to check on you since you fainted right in front of me. Take rest. Goodbye.” He didn’t seem offended and left with a smile.
Soon as he left, Dr Wei continued to question me,
“Did you remember something? Did you get at least a rough idea of what it was about?”
I should tell him anyway.
“I saw Chen Lan”
“What? Did you see the one who was here, in your memories?”
“I couldn't see the face clearly, but the voice was exactly his.”
“But he didn’t seem to know you.”
“Yes. I’m also not sure why, but you’ll certainly understand that he is the trigger. From the moment I met him, I’ve recalled 2 fragments of my memory so far”
“I must agree with the fact that he is the one who’s triggering your lost memories back. But are you sure that it was him in your memories?”
“His body frame was exactly the same as what I saw in my memory and I have no doubt about his voice.”
“Why he denied isn’t our concern now, but now we know that he can help you bring your memories back.”
I nodded in affirmation.
“And furthermore, you didn’t faint this time after recalling a memory.”
“That means, my condition is stabilizing.”
“Yes.”
Suddenly an idea struck up in my mind.
“Dr Wei, I think hypnotherapy can help me recall my memories back.”
He was unmistakably growing angry due to the question I raised.
“Laia, as a psychology student you must know how risky hypnotherapy would be for you in your current condition! Just once being able to recall memories vaguely without fainting doesn’t imply that you’re fine and ready for hypnotherapy!”
He was panting after nearly yelling at me in one whole breath and took a pause. Does he yell like this to his other patients?
“Sorry, Dr Wei…… Hypnotherapy may indeed be risky for me”
Dr Wei was replying to what I said, but I couldn’t hear him.
Tinnitus is back...
I must be remembering something again…. As expected, my visions blurred.
“Performing hypnosis is quite risky indeed.”
It was my voice!
I was standing in front of a mirror, and the place wasn't my dorm but somewhere else.
“But I don’t have a choice.” My voice broke and I was sobbing.
Why would I cry? Why would I talk about hypnosis in my memories?
I saw myself crying, in the mirror. I seemed to be talking to myself in the mirror.
“It is my fault….. I shouldn’t have accepted him at all…..”
Accepted who?
“I can’t let him suffer and get hurt because of me…….. Sorry Chen Lan”
Chen Lan?!
“I don’t want you to be hurt because of me……. As long as memories linger, they’ll bring pain…..….”
Memories?
“Sorry Chen Lan……… I’m left with no other choice but to completely wipe me out from your memories……”
…..
What?! I erased Chen Lan's memories? No wonder he didn't recognize me… …… My mind went blank. I had no idea about what I should think about next. Seems like I really loved him in the past….there's no other way, I would torture myself to stop someone from getting hurt. There must be some huge reason for me to do that. But why in the first place did I even fall for him? Didn't I actually vow to myself that I shouldn't recklessly fall in love with anyone, but be a good girl and return to my country to get married to someone from my own culture?! Why the hell would I even have such deep feelings for that Chen Lan? I've never broken my own rules in the past!. So frustrating!!!!! I shook my head hoping that I could clear those thoughts out of my mind. “Laia, are you okay?” I shot open my eyes and saw Dr Wei standi
In a split second, the view of the hospital corridor replaced the posh interior of the hall, and I could see the gossipy onlookers whisper among themselves while Chen Lan still held me firmly. Or it could look more like I was still grabbing onto him. I pushed myself away from him carefully, reminding myself not to lose my balance again. I simply stared at the ground. I knew I must be looking so dumb, but there was no other way I could avoid the eyes of the passers-by and especially Chen Lan. Soon the onlookers moved away. I slowly glanced up at Chen Lan, not sure about what reaction I should give. However, I noticed that he was oddly too calm and appeared so relaxed as if such weird incidents were a daily occurrence to him. And I also noticed that he was openly staring at me. I averted my gaze uneasily and after a few moments, I again sneaked a glance at him to find that he was still staring at me. I decided to break the silence before I get crazy. “T
There must be something wrong with this guy. Furthermore, it was too unrealistic to receive a confession while I'm in this state. I was lost in his eyes again. There was a sudden blur in my vision which returned to normal immediately. The background was different. Whoa! I can't believe this! A rich dark green mountain background. Sturdy metal cables stretched upwards on either side. Facing me was Chen Lan. My hands tightly clasped within his, I was intently gazing at him. Why would I do something cheesily romantic like that? I was walking forward, while Chen Lan was stepping backwards at the same pace as mine without breaking eye contact. I suddenly averted my eyes and looked down. GOOD HEAVENS! How many feet is this?! Looks like 1000ft! Where the hell?! I could feel that extreme fear.
"LAI-A-WAKE-UP!-LAI-A-WAKE-UP!-LAI-A-WAKE-UP!...." "Ugh! leave me alone!" "LAI-A-WAKE-UP!-LAI-A-WAKE-UP!-LAI-A-WAKE-UP!...." These crazy girls! I feel like screaming! "STOP IT!" yelling out like that, I shot up from my bunk-bed and glared at the faces which were staring up at me. I felt so glad that I got the top bunk, not the bottom one. Or else, they'd have made me deaf with their chants. "Laia! don't you remember what day it is?", the short one asked. Before I could even think, "It's freshmen admission!!! There'll be a lot of cute and hot juniors", the tall one answered. "Yaay!", both cheered in unison. There they go again! I quickly climbed down and ran into the bathroom ignoring those two. Today, I had to go to college earlier than usual, so I soon hurried back into the room after cleaning myself up. Both of them were already dressed up. One was packing
Completely startled, I kept leaning back to prevent the tiny gap left between us from getting even smaller. Strangely, I didn't push him away, or hit him or do any sort of action in protest of his provoking behaviour. “You will fall backwards if you keep leaning back like that.” That sentence knocked some sense into me. I pushed him away and frowned at him. My brain began betraying me at that very moment by refusing to generate speech. However, I mustered up some courage and retorted at him, “Such an arrogant kid!” “My apologies, Senior. I startled you.” He was still smiling mischievously, his eyes twinkling with delight like a kid who had been rewarded with ice cream. Looking at his ridiculous expression, I wanted to shout more, but I was already running late, so I turned around for real this time and rushed back along the same corridor which we passed a few minutes ago. Behind me, I heard him shout out, “But it wasn't
WeiWei and Rourou looked at me with worried looks. "Both of you know me the best. With my conservative character, do you think that I'd be able to fall in love with someone but get married to another?" Both of them shook their heads either way in unison. "So, There's no such thing like love, or dating for me." Rourou hugged me from the side, hoping it would comfort me, while WeiWei clasped my hand within hers. We shared a few moments of silence. Both of them were feeling down. I didn't want to make them sadder, so I immediately cheered up. "Hey, both of you, are you mourning for someone? So melancholic. Back to your positions! No more sad faces!" Hearing that, both of them seemed to cheer up a bit and returned to their tables and continued with their study. Relieved, I let out a deep sigh. Born in a prestigious Indian family of high social status, it was my duty to continue the bloodline of my family, since I was the only child
“How can you casually say that?” “Because I know how you feel.” It might have sounded romantic, in a romantic atmosphere like this, with a romantic guy standing beside me, holding an umbrella for me, and walking me back to my dorm. But right now, I was feeling very much pissed off. “Huh. Do you know how I feel? Do you?” “Take a good rest, I don't think you can manage this conversation.” “Can you please stop it? Stop acting as if you know me! It's really irritating!” Only the pattering of the raindrops on the floor was audible and nothing else. “I hate it when people act up as if they understand me. Don't you even dare to try that!” Saying that I left without another word. I don't know why I was so angry, but it was painful, so painful to hear his words. Especially when he said that he knew how I felt. I felt my legs automatically leading their way up to my dorm. I flung the door open. RouRou and WeiWei gave me startled
I tried my best not to yell at him and took some deep breaths to ease out the fury building up within me. “Chen Lan, let's talk.” “Isn't that what we're doing right now?” Is he stupid? Now that I try to be calm, he is purposefully trying to get on my nerves again by making those sarcastic remarks. “Come let's go and sit somewhere.” Saying that I found a stone table with a few stone stools located under a tree. It was the nearest option. I went there and sat, so did he. “So finally, you call me by my name.” Ah! Shit! I must have called him 'kid' or 'little junior'. “When you call a senior by name, why can't I call a junior by his name?” “Sounds logical. But for me, it really seemed like you did that subconsciously.” I must make sure and check that this guys majors in Data Science, not Applied Psychology. “I'm not here to chat leisurely with you, let me come straight to the… “ Befo