This is Worse

***

~~~ RIVER~~~

***

I notice her. I’ve always noticed her, and Chan has always been… naive. Quiet. Too soft for someone like me.

I’ve been watching her for four years. Even before all these forbidden escapades. Before the lake. Before she saved my life.

My jaw tightens slightly at the memory. If she hadn’t pulled me out that afternoon… I don’t even let myself finish that thought. I owe her. More than she realizes. And maybe that’s why I try so hard to make her invisible. Because if I give her too much attention, I already know how this ends.

I know girls like her. They fall. They fall really hard. And Chan? She’s fragile. Just like I was four years ago. Just like I was before this lifestyle of mine started at sixteen.

My phone had buzzed in my pocket that Saturday night just as I drove into the mansion's driveway. I didn’t need to check to know who it was. I saw her message.

Did you get home safe?

I read it. I just didn’t reply. I stared at it longer than I should have. I couldn’t reply. If I start answering her… it won’t stop there. She’ll think I care. She’ll start asking for more—answers, reassurance, something real. And I can’t let it get there. I can’t give her the kind of closure she’s looking for.

This isn’t about Chan. It’s about control. And control is the only thing I have left.

Time had passed, but it never really fixed the pain I felt years ago.

“I can’t talk right now. I will see you after my class,” Cortney says. Before I can respond, she grabs Chan’s hand and pulls her away. I watch them go, exhaling slowly. She looks pissed. They both do.

Cortney never liked attention. I couldn’t blame Hazel either. Her father is a very scary man, and he can pull her out of school because of this. Still… Something about it doesn’t sit right with me.

My face was blurred out in the picture Hazel sent me. Which means whoever sent it wasn’t trying to expose me. They were protecting me.

My jaw tightens. If this reaches the school board, it won’t just be gossip. It could affect my position on the hockey team. My reputation across states. My future. And my father—he won’t like that. Not when he enjoys playing the proud father in public.

The whistle blows. The sharp sound cuts through the rink, making us pause.

“Dawson!” Coach Hazard shouts. “Focus!”

I sniff and skate back into position. My head is full of everything except practice. Hazel said she never told her father who the boy in the picture was. She said he threatened her, and I have a feeling she’ll break and reveal who I am in no time. That bothers me more than it should, and it’s exactly why I need to speak with Cortney.

“Pass the puck, Captain!” Riley Green yells. He’s our alternate captain—and my best friend.

“Left!” I shout, sending the puck across the ice. But my timing is off.

Coach Hazard blows the whistle again, stopping us in our tracks. “Dawson!” he yells again. “I think you need to take a break.” I open my mouth to protest, but he cuts me off. “Now!”

I pull off my helmet and skate away. For the rest of practice, I watch my teammates do a better job than I did on the ice.

The whistle finally blows, and everyone starts heading off for water. I’m about to leave when I hear— “Captain!” I turn. Coach Hazard signals for me to wait. He walks over and grips my shoulder firmly. “Rough day, huh?”

I don’t say anything. I just look at him. Whatever this is, I’ll bounce back. I always do. The first time something like this happened was four years ago. I try not to think about it, but the memories keep finding their way back.

“Is everything okay at home?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

I nod quickly and let out a small, nervous laugh. “Of course. Everything’s fine.”

He taps my shoulder. “Well, Captain, it better be. Because today, you were an ass out there. Next practice, I better not see you slacking. Understood?”

“Yes, Coach.”

I let out a breath when he finally walks away. My eyes meet Riley, who’s still on the rink, watching me from a distance. He signals for me to wait, then skates toward me, pulling off his helmet.

“You okay?” he asks—then doesn’t even wait for an answer. “You were an ass out there.”

“Will you guys stop saying that?”

“I heard about your sister and Hazel. Who would have thought this day would come when they’d clash? They were so close back then.” He nods slowly. “But…something tells me it has something to do with you. Again.” When I look away, he points at me. “I knew it! What did you do this time? Because I know your sister. She hates attention.”

“Forget it.” I push his hand away and turn toward the exit.

Behind me, I hear him call out, “Come on, River! What did you do?”

As I walk through the hallway, the school bell finally rings. I change into my uniform and head to her class, but the room is empty. When I ask around, someone tells me Cortney and Chan went to the cafeteria. I hate crowded places like that. All eyes are always on me. I like crowds but only when they’re cheering for me on the ice. The other kind of attention just makes me feel… off.

Still, I walk in. And I’m right. Heads turn. Conversations lower into murmurs. I pause at the doorway, scanning the room until my eyes land on Cortney. She doesn’t even look up. Just keeps eating like nothing’s happening.

Chan does the opposite. Her eyes meet mine for a second, then she quickly looks away.

I take a quiet breath and walk over. Only the two of them are sitting there.

I pull out a chair and sit, leaning forward slightly. Cortney still doesn’t acknowledge me. And I try—really try—not to look at Chan. It’s harder than it should be.

I reach for Cortney’s cup of Coke, but her voice stops me. “I’m not in the mood, River. Leave me alone.”

“But I want to talk to you,” I murmur.

She finally looks up, dropping her spoon with a soft clink. “Fine. Talk.”

I glance around before looking back at her. “Not here. This is about… you know.”

She exhales. “Yeah. Talking about it here would put you at risk. And if you’re at risk, somehow I get dragged into it. Mom always finds a way.” She pushes her chair back. “I’ll be right back, Chancé. Don’t wait for me if I’m late.” Chan nods, still avoiding my eyes.

Cortney walks off, and I follow her like a lost puppy.

We reach the back of a building around the field. She plants her hands on her waist. “Start talking.”

“Someone is trying to protect me,” I begin, “but sooner or later, Hazel’s father will find out it was me in that picture, and—”

“I wasn’t the one who sent it,” she cuts in.

“I figured. You wouldn’t risk getting involved.”

“Well, maybe one of your psycho girls did? Ever think about that?”

No one saw Hazel and me that night except Cortney and Chan…

No, no. Chan wouldn’t. A quiet laugh slips out.

“Did someone come to mind?” she asks, narrowing her eyes.

“No.” I lie instantly. “No one.”

Chan wouldn’t.

Cortney taps my shoulder. “Great. You just ruined my lunch, and this conversation is over. Just pray it doesn’t come out. Because if it does…” She shakes her head. “You know how Dad is.”

I shrug at her words, but something tightens in my chest. I don’t want to remember how harsh my father can be. He hates failure.

And four years ago, when I slacked for the first time, he made sure I paid for it when my team lost. I was already broken, but he didn’t care about my feelings, my pride, any of it. He told me I was supposed to be a man. To move on. Even when he found out I just got my heart broken, he still didn’t care.

My car was taken. My black card, gone. I couldn’t even access my own account. Training became hell. I don’t want to go back to those days.

Cortney smirks like she’s enjoying my discomfort. “I really do pity you. I’ve told you countless times to keep your penis in your pants. Now look where it got you.” She walks away with a shake of her head.

I drag a hand through my hair, frustration clawing at me. I don’t even know why I went back to Hazel. We had just won the game. I was on a high. She walked in while I was changing. What was I supposed to do? Not kiss her back?

“Fucking hell,” I mutter under my breath.

If I hadn’t done that… maybe things would be different. Maybe I wouldn’t be standing here, stressing over my future.

~~~

I stay in my room the entire evening after school. No new message from Hazel—not after I told her Cortney wasn’t the one who sent the picture. She didn’t believe me. And I still don’t want to believe it could be Chan. She doesn’t have the guts.

I’m about to head downstairs for dinner when I hear the sound of a car pulling up. It is fast. Too fast.

I frown, curiosity kicking in. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I step into the living room, and Cortney’s eyes meet mine. She shrugs. Without a word, we both head for the door.

The engine cuts.

I scoff the moment I see who steps out. He hasn't changed a bit. Just taller. He looks at us with a wide grin, arms already spread open. “Hello, cousins.”

“Ricky? Ricky!” Cortney runs straight into him, and he lifts her off the ground in a tight hug. “What are you doing here?”

“A surprise visit.”

“At this time of night?”

He chuckles. “It’s the perfect time, Cort. It’s 8pm. What time would be perfect for me to ride my baby in style?”

Cortney’s eyes light up as she looks at his car properly. “That is actually a sick car.”

“I know, right?” he says proudly. “Mom got it for my nineteenth birthday last month. Didn’t Aunty tell you I was coming?”

Cortney shakes her head, then glances at me as they walk toward the house. “Did Mom tell you anything?”

“No.” I look back at him, narrowing my eyes slightly. “Why are you really here? It’s a school week, Rick.”

He smirks and pulls me into a rough hug. “I’ve missed you, bud. This is going to be a very good year.”

Something about the way he says it doesn’t sit right.

He pulls back, taking a deep breath of the night air like he already belongs here. Then his eyes meet mine again. “I just transferred to your school,” he says, his smile widening.

“What?”

“You heard me. And I’ll be living with you from now on.”

For a second, I just stare at him, my mouth slightly open in more shock. Of all the things I expected to happen today…

This is worse.