Chapter 1 Promises are meant to be broken

Hannah’s Point of View

The house is chaotic, looking so neglected you would think nobody lives here. I am rarely around anyway. I only ever come home to sleep, waking up just to leave again.

My unit is here in Makati, where I’ve lived for almost three years since graduating with a degree in Business Management. I work in the clothing and manufacturing industry. At twenty, I worked myself to the bone just to move out and escape my parents. I desperately wanted my independence. At first, they were completely against it, but they couldn't control me.

It is exhausting to be around them. They place the heaviest expectations on my shoulders, especially since I am an only child. They want me to manage the family business, get married on time, and give them grandchildren.

Unfortunately, I can never give them that life. I am a lesbian, and I am still deep in the closet. Even when I was young, I knew something felt different about me. I always felt more comfortable around women than men; in fact, talking to boys usually just ended in a fight.

I ignored that side of myself until I met Billy in high school. For me, it was love at first sight. The moment she walked into the classroom, her beauty completely blew me away. She was the talk of the campus for being absolutely gorgeous. We were assigned as seatmates, and we quickly grew close because I always helped her with her schoolwork.

Soon, we were hanging out constantly. Billy was reckless, always skipping classes to sneak off with her boyfriend, which constantly got her scolded and summoned to the principal's office. One day, I caught them in the act in the old school stockroom. Billy was completely naked, moaning and grinding on top of her man. That was the moment my struggles truly began. It was my very first heartbreak, a painful, one-sided love that I was forced to deal with entirely on my own.

Yet, out of everyone in the world, she is the only person who truly knows me. When I am with her, I feel entirely free.

I still remember the afternoon we were in her room after finishing our homework. Out of nowhere, she suddenly kissed me. That was my first kiss. Afterward, she grew more aggressive. My true feelings were unleashed by uncontrolled lust and flirting, though for her, it was only ever about having fun. Billy is always ready to try anything—experimenting with things, and even with emotions. I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve slept together.

I am always there to pick up her pieces. Whenever she is upset or overwhelmed by the pressure of her studies, we escape reality together. We take spontaneous road trips out of town just so she can forget her problems. Billy was raised by her grandfather, and because their family business is successful, her lifestyle is very comfortable.

We are much more than friends, but we aren't in a proper relationship. There is no commitment like a normal couple would have. My entire world revolves around her; I feel numb when she isn't around. Billy feels entitled to do whatever she wants without my consent. But whenever her life spins out of control, she runs straight to my condo. She gets drunk, cries all night, and then, inevitably, something happens between us.

I accept this arrangement despite how much it hurts, simply because I love her—even if she can never love me back the same way. Our physical encounters are completely random, usually happening when she has just broken up with a boyfriend and is hurting. Sex became her escape, too. It is a unique kind of torture for me, because these fleeting moments are the only times I truly get to hold her.

Ally’s Point of View

The sky today is gloomy, matching my mood perfectly. Dad and I are arguing again. Ever since Mom died, we haven't gotten along, and things only worsened after my older brother passed away.

Just because he is my father doesn't mean he gets to dictate my entire future. How am I supposed to marry a person I don't even know? Ever since my brother died, it feels like the entire weight and responsibility of the company has been dumped onto my shoulders.

"That is my final decision, Ally," Dad says, his voice completely unyielding.

Furious, I snatch my bag and car keys. I storm out of the house and head straight to a bar, desperate to numb the pain. I am wearing my usual outfit—a fitted shirt, jeans, and sneakers, with my hair falling free.

Hannah’s Point of View

My condo isn't huge, but it's beautiful, especially when it's clean. It has a cozy living room, a kitchen, a dining area, and a balcony that offers an alluring view of the Makati skyline. I drink out there alone or with Billy, smoke, and sometimes, that is where we sleep together. The condo has basically become her second home. She rarely stays at her own place, spending most of her time here whenever her life is falling apart.

In my free time, I prefer staying indoors rather than going out. I watch vlogs, design new dresses, and test out new recipes I find on the internet.

I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life. Plenty of men have wanted to court me, but they are rejected immediately—I shut them down before they can even make a move. I can find men aesthetically attractive; I am just not attracted to them. I have a few male friends, but they are almost always gay.

I’m not ugly, nor am I super pretty, but I have a distinct appeal. I’m witty, I have a good sense of humor, and I carry myself well. Even though I am a lesbian, I love wearing skirts, shorts, and daring clothes. And for the record—I am still a virgin when it comes to men, just not with women.

I try calling Billy, but she isn't answering. We had plans for tonight.

Finally, a text comes through: "Hannah, I'm so sorry, but I can't make it tonight. I promise I will make it up to you next time. An emergency came up suddenly."

Deep down, I knew she wouldn't show. She should have just told the truth—that she was somewhere with her boyfriend—instead of manufacturing a cheap excuse. It would hurt less than expecting her to actually show up. At least I haven't started cooking yet, otherwise the food would just spoil and end up in the garbage, exactly how she treats me.

Anger boils up inside me, flushing my cheeks red. I type back furiously: "You should have told me earlier, Billy. You are so irresponsible. You always pull this shit whenever it suits you. You shouldn't make promises you have no intention of keeping." I throw my phone onto the bed.

"Hannah, try to be considerate. I told you something came up," she replies.

Tears well up in my eyes, my lips trembling in a pout. My entire day is ruined, and I feel completely devastated.

"You are always like this. Better not to promise anything at all," I text back, adding an angry emoji.

"Whatever you say, Hannah. Grow up," she shoots back, ending with a crying emoji.

We had promised to celebrate our anniversary as friends tonight, and this is how it ends. It makes me feel utterly worthless.

Instead of staying inside to sulk alone, I decide to go out for a drink. I change into one of my own designs—a graphic t-shirt with the words Crazy Love printed across it—paired with a maroon skirt and black doll shoes without socks. I apply a light layer of makeup to hide how upset I am and tie my hair up tightly to give myself a fierce, confident look.

Slamming the apartment door behind me, I walk out into the night.