Chapter 18 - Asking for Help

Brooklyn’s POV

I’m so ashamed of myself, I don’t know why my wolf refuses to behave, I walk to the kitchen door and grab some of my clothes that I now keep at the bottom of the basket and slide them on.  Tonight, she shifted without warning when she heard Ava giggling, “I miss you too lover boy.”  She was going to attack her for no reason, and I fought her hard, pulling her back as she clawed at the ground.  Thank the goddess she walked inside before she finally lunged in her direction.  She took off running around the forest and scared a girl, one I go to school with, she teases me about my boyish figure.  I sat on the back steps staring up at the trees, it’s not fair that I’m the only one that looks like this, even Sofia has a bra and she’s younger than me and taller, so everyone thinks she’s older.  I wiped my face and walk inside, Momma was in the kitchen alone, she narrowed her eyes at me, “Brook, you weren’t wearing those clothes earlier, were you?” 

I stared at her and decided I need more help with this, I can’t keep attacking people for no reason, what if I hurt someone or worse.  I shook my head, “no Momma, mine got ripped up.”

Her eyes went wide, “Brooklyn, did someone try and hurt you?  Oh goddess, baby tell Momma if that’s what happened.”  The fear in her eyes shook me and my heart clenched in my chest.

“No Momma, no one’s tried to hurt me,” I shook my head, “Momma I have something I need help with and you’re not going to like it.”

She sat next to me, wrapping her arms around me, “Brooklyn, I’ll always help you no matter what, I’m your Momma there’s nothing you could tell me that I won’t be here for you.”

“Momma, my wolf,” I inhaled sharply, “she’s already here.”

She moved off me, her hands on my upper arms as she looked into my eyes, “okay, she’s talking to you already,” she smiled.

I shook my head, “No, well yes she talks to me,” I roll my eyes, “she’s not very nice Momma, she’s really angry and wants me to do horrible things to people.”

Momma’s blinked rapidly, “uh huh, what is she telling you to do Brooklyn?”

I shake my head, “she really doesn’t like Ava, she wants me to really hurt her,” I feel the gathering of tears already and I haven’t even told her yet that I can shift.  She shakes her head and is about to speak when I cut her off.  “That’s not the worst of it, I already shifted Momma, and she has tried several times now to hurt people”

Her eyes go wide and then they soften, “but you pull her back don’t you sweet girl.”

I nod and wipe at my eyes, feeling the tears hit my cheek, “yes, but it’s getting harder to do Momma and I’m scared she’s going to hurt someone, tonight she scared a girl I go to school with,” I shake my head.

Her arms wrap around me, “it’s fine sweet girl, Momma will help you, if you have your wolf then your power is surfacing as well, I’ll train you, so will Nonna and….

“No, Momma, please don’t tell anyone, if everyone knows it will be worse, the pups at school,” I shake my head, “no, please Momma I’m begging you, don’t tell anyone, I don’t want people to look at me like that, with pity, it’s already bad enough looking like this.”

She sat straight up staring at me, “Brooklyn what are you saying, you’re beautiful sweet girl, there’s nothing wrong with the way you look, absolutely nothing.”

I scoff, “Momma, please I look like a boy, if it wasn’t for my hair, people would think I was one, not to mention they all think I’m younger than even Tyler because I’m so small,” I shake my head.

She chuckled, “I’m so sorry you’re short like me.”

I smirked, “yea, but I don’t have all you have either, if I did at least I’d look like a girl.”

Momma promised not to tell anyone, but she said she needed to tell Daddy because they don’t keep secrets, and he would be so hurt if he found out because he loves me so much.  I’m okay with Daddy knowing I told her, but no one else.

When Daddy came to my room and talked to me about my wolf and what she does he tried to convince me to allow him to tell Abi and Alpha Christov, but I refused and told him if he told them, I would never confide in him again.  I know it was wrong to say, but I also know that once this gets out my world will crumble all around me and I can’t deal with that, not with everything else.  He told me he wouldn’t right now, but if things get out of hand, then he would have no choice, and I would need to understand that.  I do understand and am surprised that he is going along with it even for a second.

As the month passed, Momma trained me to gain better control of my wolf, but there are still times she pushes through and scares others when she goes for her short runs, I’m not sure how she manages to not get caught by the patrols, but we haven’t and she won’t shift if anyone is with us, so that’s a plus. 

The day of Teresa’s party was the worst for some reason, when Sofia and I returned home from Abi’s she just paced back and forth in my mind, getting angrier and angrier as time passed.  It took all I had to keep her from shifting as Aunt Leah, Uncle Chris and Ava walked out heading for the party, right before us.  I don’t know why she is getting so upset, but it may be that she is angry about how people treat me, I know Ava wasn’t being mean, when she said I look like a real babydoll, when she seen me ready for the party, but it did hurt my feelings.  My wolf finally calmed down after my dance with Gamma Gabe though, he’s so sweet and I was thrilled for Teresa to have him as a mate.  I wish I was more like Sofia, she’s confident and gorgeous, she’s 10 months younger than me and is already getting attention from the male pups at school, sometimes I feel like I’m just lost in her shadow.  I love her and she’s my best friend, my only friend and I’m proud of the girl she is, I just wish I could be proud of myself.