A DEATH WISH

CATALINA 

JULY 25

I tapped endlessly on my leg, my head lowered and my eyes staring at the floor. I was waiting to hear my name. There was no queue today at the hospital, so why was the doctor taking too long?

Unconsciously, I put a finger in-between my teeth and bit down until it was going to bleed. I could feel my heart’s irregular incessant beats hitting my rib cage like it wanted to break out. My gut twisted a knot each second and suddenly I was having a stomachache.

Maybe I shouldn't be here. My very insides were rebelling with this place and this mission and every fucking thing else. What was I even thinking? What am I even doing here? 

I sprang to my feet. I had to leave, no, I am leaving. My left foot made a long stride followed by my right then my left came at it again, to make yet another long stride but a voice jolted me in mid-action. 

“Catalina Thales."

Every hair on my skin stood up straight. My heart stopped. For a whole second, I was frozen with one foot up.

“Catalina,” another voice called out. A familiar voice. I put my leg down and turned slowly, digging my nails into the soft padded hardcover of the journal in my hand. My eyes fixed to the floor. I don't know why but today of all days I didn't want to see the doctor’s face.

“Cat,” she used a more informal name. “Come in darling. Come on.”

I bit the skin behind my lower lip and took a deep breath. Slowly I walked up to her and she led me inside. Instinctively, I sat down without being told, on the same cushioned stool I sat the day after it happened.

The doctor turned her monitor to face me. There was an X-ray of two brains. Is it just me or do they still look the same?

“You are right actually.” The doctor said, like she had read my mind. “Your parents are still unreceptive.”

“Are they br—” I choked. The words clogged in my throat and refused to come out.

“No. They are not brain dead. They are still alive in there. They might still wake up.”

My lips quivered, I put my head down and buried it in my hands immediately. I wanted to cry. I really wanted to but I.. I shouldn't. I'm tough. Tough girls don't cry.

I raised my head and conjured up a blinding smile. “Thank you. I guess that's all.” I stood up before she could reply. “I will be back next week then.” My feet were desperately running towards the door, the next second. I tried to touch the handle, to push the door open slowly but my heart was pounding and I was gasping inside me like I couldn't breathe. I broke out the door instead of stepping out. 

Some patients looked my way. I ignored their surprised gaze. My chest felt like it was growing tighter and heavier. My clothes were so uncomfortable and my mind was hazed. I wanted to run, to scream, to cry but I had to escape the hospital. I can't let them see… I just can't.

I stumbled down the hall, my eyes fixed on the ground. I didn't hear anyone coming. I didn't see anyone either so the instant I turned into the elevator’s corridor, I crashed into someone. 

The force swept me off my feet, and before I could make sense of what just happened, I was already falling. 

“Ah,” a scream of shock broke out of my lips as my whole body lunged for the ground. In that split second, I shut my eyes and prepared for the pain of hitting my head on the hard tiled floor but before my back could touch the ground, I jolted in mid-air.

“Oh my God.” I exclaimed, opening my eyes instantly. His face was the first thing I saw. He was bent over, one hand on his side and the other, under my back. He was unbelievably calm and his eyes, which were oddly grey, were empty.

I just stared at him, at his eyes, completely frozen by it. For a while it seemed like time had stopped for us, but apparently it didn't last long. The voice of a nurse from down the hallway, set time in motion again.

“What's going on over there?” She asked. The man gently helped me stand up straight. I looked away from him, adjusting my dress. I scurried off before the nurse could reach us. 

Faintly I think I heard her scolding that male nurse. “What stunt were you trying to pull? She is nineteen. She is young. You shouldn't be messing with young girls.” She sounded very serious. A small smile pulled up my lips. I don't know why but I found it funny that he was getting the talk because of me. I also couldn't make out why his touch somehow chased away all the tension in my chest. I felt at ease for some reason. 

I thought perhaps this feeling would last but my notification bell dinged and I looked. All the light in my eyes vanished. I threw the phone in my pocket and sighed heavily. 

Happy fucking birthday, Catalina and happy three year anniversary, yeah, happy three years of ruining your parents’ life.

***********

12 MIDNIGHT 

EL SAGA MANSION 

I sat on the capstone of the terrace, my feet jangling in the air and my gaze fixed on the ground below. I raised the bottle of vodka above my head and shook it expecting to take a lick of the last drop. 

Nothing dropped.

“Fucking vodka.” I cursed, throwing the bottle down like I did to the other three before it. I put my legs up on the capstone and placed my head on my knees. The effects of the alcohol was gripping me slowly and I liked it. This was the one time I ever got to live without seeing the dark clouds of my fucked up life hovering over me. 

I threw my head back and I looked at the moon. “Fuck you, moon.” I raised my middle finger.

“Fuck you, world!!!” I screamed. 

“I hate my life!!!” I screamed some more and then started laughing like a maniac. I looked up to the skies again and I saw a shooting star. A thought popped up in my mind but I waved it away immediately.

“Make a wish? You gotta be fucking kidding Catalina.” 

I looked up again. The star was still flying by. I sighed deeply, a tear slipping down my cheek. I was probably about to do the craziest thing in the world but then again, with all the vodka in my system, crazy was right about the only thing I could actually do. 

“Shooting star. I know this is freaking ridiculous. I know you think I'm freaking ridiculous, I mean making a wish on a shooting star, what could be more stupid?” I chuckled, mocking myself. “But I'm kinda out of options here. So please…” my lips started quivering again. I buried my teeth on my lip and winced back my tears as hard as I could. My lungs filled with oxygen and forced out through my mouth. 

I muttered “I wish… I wish you could take my life and exchange it for my mom and dad. I want them back. Please,” I sank my face into my knees and whimpered. “Please, I beg you. Please.”

“Is that what you really want?”

I jumped, whipping my head back immediately. I was so concerned with setting my eyes on whoever the hell was behind me that I forgot I was on the edge. My feet slipped. I grabbed the capstone immediately, holding myself. 

My mouth fell open and quick gasps escaped. I almost fell. 

“Why did you hang on? I thought you wanted to die.”

I raised my eyes immediately. My gaze landed on his face. He was right in front of me. My eyes widened. I knew that face, those grey eyes and that empty gaze. It was the male nurse from the hospital.

All my thoughts screeched to a halt as I stared, wide-eyed in horror. I couldn't, for the life of me, make sense of what I was looking at. A million and one questions raged in my head, forcing its way to my lips. 

But strangely, the only thing I could ask him was, “Who are you?”

He stared at me with those deathly eyes and then he whispered. “I am the reaper and I'm here to grant your wish.”