CHAPTER ONE

My parents never talked about their son. 

But I knew him, not just his face from the photos hidden in the basement. I knew him from the heaviness in Dad’s voice when he said goodnight to me and hesitated at the door opposite mine, like he wished he could go in and say it to someone else. 

And how Mom always stood at the door of the room opposite mine longer than she needed to. 

I knew grief… grief was contagious. 

And I had caught it, not in the dramatic way people would imagine, not screaming or crying endlessly. 

No, this grief was quiet. It was everywhere in the house and it had settled into the walls and furniture and into my skin until I couldn’t tell which was mine and which was theirs. 

I didn’t replace him, I was only a placeholder for the love they lost, someone that held a piece of their love, a way to keep going. 

When people spoke about me being the face of the Anti-Werewolf Youth Club, when Zelda rolled her eyes as I spoke yearly at different anti-werewolf fairs. They didn’t know what they were talking about. 

They didn’t understand the grief like I did. They may have grieved and moved on but I lived in mine. 

“Maaaaaaayaaaaaaa.” Zelda dragged my name like an annoying song. “Are you driving to school today or is Mr. Hawke dropping you off in the sadmobile?” 

I didn’t stop walking, I didn’t spare a glance at her, that was my first rule with dealing with Zelda all my life. 

Don’t feed into her bullshit. 

She matched my pace. Her strong floral perfume filled my senses as she walked faster to catch up to me. 

“Oh come on. You’re going to be speaking today right? Shouldn’t you be looking… better? I mean you’re our tragedy queen but you’re a queen nonetheless.” 

In front of us, two shadows came out of their houses and fell into strides behind Zelda. 

Lila and Tessa or Tessa and Lila, I couldn’t tell but they laughed like they had heard what Zelda said. 

“Zelda, why aren’t you in your car to school?” I asked. 

“How do I start the new semester if I don’t find our brooding war orphan and walk her to school?” 

I stopped walking. 

I had to breathe, to remind myself there was no need to answer her, she wasn’t worth the energy it would take to push her into an incoming car. 

Zelda smiled. 

I wanted to wipe that sick smile off her face. 

“You don’t have to try so hard, you’re already the mayor’s daughter. That should count for something but it seems you’d prefer to be the war orphan.” 

The laugh Zelda gave sounded like a shriek. “You really don’t get it, do you?” 

I waited for her reply. 

“You’ll never be me. You can lead fairs, and make speeches but this town? It belongs to me. You’re just the sad little girl we let play on the stage because it makes everyone feel better.” 

Her words weren’t new, but they hit deep today. She didn’t know it but she was talking about more than she could see. 

She was talking about the void inside me, the one left by the family I never knew and the family I had that only existed partially. 

I said nothing to her but I kept my head up and kept walking. 

*** 

The school parking lot was buzzing with life, tables were stacked with pamphlets and banners were strung up. 

It was the semester where the Blood War memorial would take place and the entire town was buzzing with anti werewolves paraphernalia. 

I hated most of it. 

But I hated the werewolves more. 

Even though I’d never seen one and I wasn’t really present the day the Blood War burned half the town. I hated them for what they did, for the lives they took. For the way my parents stared off into nothing sometimes, probably picturing their son’s death. 

My parents loved me. 

Just not in the way everyone expected. 

There were no warm hugs in the morning, game nights or movie nights. But they remembered the important things, food, warmth, quiet and cakes on my birthday. But joy was a foreign language that my parents had forgotten how to speak. 

And I didn’t blame them. 

*** 

“Maya!” Mr. Cartwright waved me over, alongside Ms. Decker, “We’ve got your speech set for ten and we need you ready backstage before that, you’re on right after the Principal.” 

I nodded. 

“Alright ma’am” 

Then she handed me a t-shirt with bold letters: 

Never Forgive, Never Forget

I took it and went to the bathroom to change, the shirt felt uncomfortable, scratchy but I had to wear it. 

I stared at my reflection in the mirror. I looked calm.. as always. 

Even though I didn’t feel calm at all. 

*** 

Zelda showed up in the school gym. 

She had changed into a T-shirt similar to mine and had someone filming her as she pretended to hang flyers around. Her smile was picture perfect, it was no wonder why the camera and almost the whole town loved her. 

She found me near the podium, where I was rehearsing the approved speech. I hated speeches and I usually preferred to skip it but according to Ms. Decker, it was my responsibility. 

“Are you ready for your close-up?” She asked sweetly. “You might want to let the camera catch your good side, if you have one.”

I kept my eyes on the paper. “You don’t have to be here, you can go back to swooning over boys on tv screens and pretending you matter.” 

She blinked, taken aback by my statement. “Excuse me?” Her statement held venom. 

“You heard me.” 

Zelda narrowed her eyes, making sure no one was watching. “Do you know what your problem is, Maya? You think your problems make you special. It doesn’t. Everyone just pities you because you and your family walk around like you invented grief.” 

I looked up. 

“That’s what you don’t understand.” I said, holding her gaze. 

“I walk around like someone who has to live with grief but who gets jealous because their family didn’t die?---Only Zelda.”

When I said that, she didn’t have a comeback. 

*** 

The gym filled up with solemn music as kids handed out flyers to parents and guardians. Teachers stood at different spots for donations to the town memorial fund. Older people who fought in the war gave speeches and got somber nods. 

It was my turn to speak, my heart hammered and my fingers clenched around the paper. 

When I opened my mouth to speak, it wasn’t the words they had given me. 

“My name is Maya,” I said. “Some of you know me as the girl who lost her parents in the Blood War. Some of you know me as the girl the Hawkes adopted, but most of you just know me as the girl who really hates werewolves.” 

There were nods and slight chuckles. The Mayor smiled. 

“I do,” I continued. “I hate them but that’s because they took away a family I never got to meet and left behind ghosts that can’t be buried. I live with two of the kindest people ever and I can’t still get them to smile like I know they used to.” 

There was silence in the gym. 

I looked at the crowd. I could see Zelda seething as I connected with the crowd. 

“I hate them,” I repeated. “Hating them is better than feeling nothing.” 

The gym erupted with clapping. 

Later when the booths had shut down and students part of our club packed up fliers and other equipment. 

Someone sat beside me. 

I knew that scent, it was my mom. 

“You spoke well,” she said softly. 

I nodded. 

She didn’t say anything else. J

ust sat there, waiting for me to be done. 

She didn’t need to say anything else… I had heard her.