I have come to realize that there is no such thing as perfect. Or maybe I just attract more bad than good. Perhaps for everything that goes well there is something that has to go wrong too.
My baby got shot, I was waiting to see what this is going to do to her, but she is doing well. In fact so well that she is about to shove an ice block down my pants.
Trayton ~
The worst thing a man can see is when the person he loves is crying. Sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do but give a solid shoulder to cry on. I have never been one that knew how to comfort. I always use to shy away from showing any affection. Somewhat cold and somewhat insensitive.But meeting Ava ~ has all changed that. I have learned how to comfort her and to take her tears away. Even though it scares me shitless, I have stayed next to her and help her seethe way through. She is crying again, she is mumbling through a bunch of sobs and I don't understand a word.&nb
My life is about to change, again, some of it good and some of it bad, depending which side you standing from. How can a man like me give a life when I am the one taking lives. The sad thing is taking lives is a lot less scary than giving one. Nothing in life happens as it is planned, when things change you fall in with the new and you take it from there.I have been an asshole towards Ava. I think asshole is putting it lightly, very lightly. I have had a week to digest everything that has happened. I am going to be a father and I embrace it, I have stopped thinking like a selfish jerk and even though the excitement has not fully set in, I know it definitely wi
In an instant it is all away.Everything is taken away.My life is defined in only two moments. The first night I met her and the last night I saw her. Once I was running towards her and the past week I was only running away from her. Never once did I think I would loose her. At times we have had our fights but we always would get back together. I honestly thought this would be one of those times and not one of those defining moments.Trayton ~”Where the fuck is she? Do any one of you know where she is? WHERE IS SHE?”Mary ~”Trayton I was with her the whole day and she said nothing to me.”I dial her number.It rings.And rings.And rings some more.
With Ava …This is the first morning in a very long time that I wake up alone. The view from up here is absolutely amazing, it is kind of sad that I cannot share it with someone by my side. This is also the most alone I have been in a very long time too. There is a big part of me that just want to phone him but I know that I should be strong and not give in so easily to him. If things are meant to be then they will be.I need to start planning, I know I am only about eight weeks or so but I need to get to a doctor and also I need to start reading up on baby stuff because I know absolutely nothing.It is scary but I am so excited.But I wish Tray was here. I know I should not, he will just break my heart and crush the excitement I feel with the baby.I wonder if I can trust mom not to tell him that I have
My head is just about to explode. Why the fuck did I drink so much last night. In fact I have not stopped since she has been gone and quite frankly I do not give a fuck. Yes I am busy self-destructing and I don't care.It has been a week now and we no closer than what we were before. I miss her, I am really nothing if I don't have her. The emptiness is killing me, the loneliness is suffocating. How am I supposed to continue living if my reason for reason for living is gone.I drag my sorry ass downstairs, it is time to sober up again.Kenton ~”You look like shit.”Trayton ~”I am glad you so observant.”Dominic ~”And you smell like a fucking brewery.”Trayton ~”I am glad your senses are working.”
What is the greatest thing a man can experience? Having what you have been searching for show up on your doorstep. It is true that good things happen to those who wait but damn did I had to wait long.Ava ~”Are you going to stop staring at my stomach and let me in?”Trayton ~”Sorry baby girl, you are just so...big.”Ava ~”You can be glad my hands are swollen or else I would have punched you.”Trayton ~”Come everyone is in the kitchen.”Ava ~”Who would have ever guessed that?”I am a mess, but I am a happy mess. My baby is here and she is here with my other baby, a very very big baby. They are both very big, to think that is how much I missed. I don’t want to miss the rest of it, I can only imagine how big she is
I wake up this morning with crunching in my ear, now I know for a fact that I don't have a dog, which only leaves one person. That person is sitting happily eating a pickle and talking to the baby.Ava ~”Mommy's little girl really loves Nutella doesn't she? Well mommy loves Nutella just as much as my little pumpkin does.”I watch her for a while, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. The way she is dipping that pickle into that Nutella while holding her other hand on her belly.Trayton ~”Baby girl.”Ava ~”Oh you are awake.”Trayton ~”Crunching pickles kind of has that effect on you.”Ava ~”Sorry baby but Leia was hungry.”Trayton ~”Baby girl
Fate does not ask you what you want, fate knows what is best for you even when you don’t. It determines what comes into your life, everything you need will come to you at the perfect time. Are you meant to lose people you love? I believe that things do not happen by accident but there is a reason for everything that is meant to be. Nothing is ever taken from your hands to punish you but it is only leaving your hands empty for something better to come, something like finding the ones you love.We have just phoned Ava's parents, after a few minutes with her father on the phone, she burst out crying. It's up to me now to convince him that his daughter is alive and that she in front of me. But I need to calm her and baby down first.Trayton ~”Mr Owens please give me a minute, I need to calm her down.”Richard Owens ~”Sure not a problem.”