Chapter One

ZZ...ZZ 

 

My phone buzzed from my nightstand forcing me to come to terms with what I desperately wanted to avoid. Realistically, hiding for forever wasn't an option, but that didn't make this any easier. With a shaky breath, I rolled over. My hair soaking up what the damp silk pillowcase hadn't fully absorbed. 

 

Another breath. Ignoring him would be a bad idea. As I reached out, the fuzzy blanket I had hung from my four poster bed caressed my skin for one short moment before reaching past it let in a ray of light from my bedroom. Squinting past my barrier, my hand searched for my phone and quickly retreated once it found its target. Clutching the phone to my chest I took one more deep breath. I had to calm down. Even over a text message, I had to be careful. He could never know how upset I was, or what I was so upset about. Now forced to look at the light, my eyes protested as I blinked at my screen.

 

“I’m outside your door, We need to talk.” 

 

My stomach knotted. The tears I had just barely been able to hold back long enough to read the message came back with a new vengeance. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to leave. Well, actually the problem was that I did want to leave, but not my room. I wanted to go someplace far away. Someplace sunny, and sparse. Like maybe a desert in the middle east. A bark of my own laughter brought me back. The irony of the middle east being the only place I felt I would be safe was not lost on me. Thankfully my shot of dopamine put a stop to my tears long enough that I could answer.  

 

“Password?” 

 

“Chocolate milk" 

 

“I’ll be a minute, I'm in the bathroom.” I lied as I flipped the soaked pillow over to hide the evidence. Not fully adjusted to the bright lights my eyes fluttered as I swung my legs out of bed. 

 

“I have a schedule to keep.” 

 

I smoothed out the purple bedsheets and corralled all the stray bunched up tissues into a small copper trash bin. 

 

“Well I'm sorry my human body disrupts your precious schedule. Feel free to change me at any time to further avoid these little inconveniences.”  

 

Running through my massive room I tried to make it look more presentable. Like I cared. Not like I hadn’t bothered getting dressed or even bathing all week. My stomach groaned in protest at my sudden movement and I wondered if I remembered to eat in the last couple of days. I pulled down the blankets I had hung off my bed to hide from the light. My lights were on a timer, because “Only the best” would do. That's what they told me anyway. But for me, it was just another avenue for them to control me. Lights out at a certain time to ensure I was getting enough rest. Lights on early in the morning to make sure I was being productive. As I tidied up the bed, my eyes lingered on one of the grooves in the wood I had absentmindedly been scratching more and more. Ivan would notice. I clumsily folded one of the blankets and propped it against the spiraled wood. 

 

“I’ll wait" 

 

Rushing to the bathroom across the black tiled floor I quickly washed my face and applied some eye makeup a little thicker than I usually did. When I was satisfied that he wouldn't be able to tell I had been crying, I masked my stench with some deodorant and hurried to my bedroom door. The frame was about twice the size of a standard door and a little taller. And thick. My whole room was reinforced with walls several feet deep and the door was no different. 

 

My room echoed with the heavy clinks and thuds of my thick steel door and all its bolts. I pulled the last one and grasped onto the sturdy handle with both hands. The steel was smooth enough to not hurt my hands, but ribbed enough to give me some grip. Maybe I could tell Ivan I slipped in the shower and I wasn't strong enough to open the door? It would be believable. I tried to stay in good shape, but seeing how the door was meant to protect me from vampires it was a miracle I could even open it at all. Pausing I let myself sink into the fantasy. It would buy me a couple more days at most. Eventually, my pride took over. I was already the weakest link. The thought of being viewed as even more frail didn't sit well with me. 

 

Setting my shoulders back and bracing my core, I started to pull. My muscles strained and my breathing quickened as I used every bit of strength I had both mentally and physically to expose myself back to reality. My bare feet had just started to slide on the smooth marble when finally, the door budged. I stepped back catching my breath as Ivan took over from the other side. The door did its job well. It kept everyone else out and it kept me in. Just like the King liked it. 

 

As Ivan struggled to push the door back into place I smiled. It was probably the only thing he ever struggled with and it made me feel just a little bit more understood. The vampires I lived with didn’t seem to struggle with anything. They were strong enough to lift a car with the same effort it took me to lift a pillow. They were fast, graceful, and able to manipulate others easy as breathing.  

 

With the door closed, Ivan did a quick scan of my room before he turned to me sniffing the air. Then his eyes locked on mine for what would be the remainder of our conversation. 

 

“You finished your period then?” His cool monotone voice asked. 

 

“Yeah, yesterday.” I answered just as emotionless. Showing even a glimpse of emotion was dangerous. Everything was a mind game here. Any emotion, ammunition for manipulation. If I could trust anyone it was Ivan, but even he was a risk, being the king's right hand man. 

 

“Why did you not alert me?” 

 

“I don’t have to tell you everything.” 

 

“Yes, you do." He said sternly. "It’s how I am able to keep you safe.” 

 

I kept my face blank but wanted to laugh hysterically. There was so much he didn’t know, and telling him wouldn’t make me safe. It would probably put me in more danger. Turning the focus from myself I countered,   

 

“You don’t tell me every detail about your life.” 

 

“I tell you plenty.” 

 

“Oh yeah?” I raised an eyebrow. “Where were you the past three days? Not here.” 

 

There was the most subtle change in his face and I knew he was annoyed with me.  

 

“Rebecca if you left this room while you were bleeding I...” 

 

“Oh relax.” I nodded to my table with some chicken on it, now remembering that I in fact had not eaten recently. “The chicken is pink.” I paused in thought. “Also flavorless. You weren’t here to cook for me which means you were out on a job, without me.” He was a little more obviously annoyed now, but not at me. The food here was terrible unless it was from Ivan. It really annoyed him when I was improperly fed. I could never tell if it was because he cared, or because the king would have his head if I became malnourished or sick. I had a suspicion he used to live among humans before he joined the clan. That would explain his impeccable self-control and his ability to know what good food was. He refused to tell me anything about his life before I was born though. 

 

“I was out scouting for a job without you.” He corrected. “One I need you ready for by tomorrow." 

 

I nodded eagerly pushing down the dread. “What will I need?” 

 

“It's a standard job. I'm not even going to fire my gun if I can help it.” 

 

“Then why bring me?” 

 

“To get you out of your room. You need some fresh air and sunlight.” 

 

My anger spiked as he spoke of me like I was a houseplant. He had a point though. Leaving the castle was literally the best part of my job. I often thought of slipping away on our outings. But Ivan would find me within minutes. He was a hunter, a tracker. All of his senses fine tuned to find their prey.

 

“The job?” 

 

“We found the medallion. It’s in a safety deposit box of a small bank.” 

 

A wave of uneasiness slowly washed over me. Banks meant security and a high risk for collateral damage. I had seen it before. Some brave cowboy type goes to shoot someone on the team, only for the bullet to hit someone else, maybe a single mom just trying to get her bills sorted. 

 

“That doesn’t sound standard.” I said lowly. 

 

“Whoever did their security was unwise and spent all their resources at the front door. The bank neighbors a small department store. We take down the wall in-between and get to the box before their alarms even go off. It will be nothing like last time, I promise.” 

 

Again I simply nodded, pushing down the image of the lifeless woman, the sound of her screaming child ringing in my ears. 

 

“Full uniform Rebecca.” 

 

I glared at him, letting part of my mask down.  

 

“If the king cares so much about my safety he should stop commissioning dangerous jobs.” 

 

"Would you rather never leave the grounds?” 

 

"I'd rather he stop putting humans in danger."

 

"Stay then."

 

I held my tongue. The only way my life could get any worse would be if I couldn’t leave at all. In my silence, he continued,

 

“Full uniform.” He emphasized. 

 

“I wouldn’t have to wear that wretched thing if you would just make me one of you.” I said with just the slightest hint of anger in my voice. 

 

“We’ve been over this Rebecca, it’s too dangerous.” 

 

My emotions still near the surface I snapped. “Bull shit! Ivan, I’ve seen you sitting in a pool of blood trying to save a human's life. You’re the only one who can be around me when I’m on my period, you’re the only one the king trusts to be alone with me because he knows you won’t suddenly snap if I get a paper cut. You could change me if you wanted to, I know it!” 

 

“Tasting blood is different than just being close to it Rebecca. You could die.” 

 

“I could die during a bank robbery too you know.” 

 

“Rebecca,” He paused “Very few choose this life and no one gets to choose their destiny. I know you think you are vulnerable. But you are envied by many for the strength you show every day. You act with authority and grace and have our respect. Be happy with who you are, because there is no need for you to be anything more than that." 

 

“Fine.” I shot back a little too sharply. Of course Ivan noticed, but he said nothing. Turning to my door he started to leave. My stomach knotted as I realized my week of solitude was now over. 

 

“Ivan?” I called out. Slowly he turned his head back to me.

 

“Yes?” 

 

“When you talk to the king, could you tell him I’m still on my period? But that I’ll still be ready for tomorrow?" 

 

His eyes studied me thoroughly. Then he did something he almost never did, and pressed lightly into my mind. I easily blocked him. That was the last thing I needed. For Ivan to know what I was really thinking about. 

 

“Rebecca, besides what you are feeling about being human, are you happy here?” 

 

In shock, it took me a moment to respond. That's not what I expected him to ask, but I adjusted accordingly. “Of course! The king gives me anything I desire. You’ve given me an excellent education, what else could I ask for?” 

 

“You have no friends here.” He said hesitantly as if acknowledging it would suddenly make me realize how alone I was. Even he had friends and he was significantly more closed off than I was. 

 

“I have you. Besides, we both know I’m more the introverted type.” 

 

I could see him thinking deeply.  

 

“You’re avoiding the king. Why?” 

 

I sighed and flicked my wrists gesturing towards myself. “Introvert.” 

 

“You find solitary work with the king that draining?" 

 

“I just need some space.” 

 

Thankfully he dropped it. The king, while he wanted to raise me himself, put Ivan in charge of me instead. Given that Ivan had a level of self control I had never seen in another vampire, it made sense. In day to day life, I had the reassurance that if anything were to happen to me, the king would kill whoever it was that put me in harm's way. It was a great motivation for the other vampires to keep their distance from me, but Ivan didn’t need the threat. He was calm and poised at all times. An emotionless robot like the rest of them, but almost more so. Despite this, he somehow was incredibly understanding, and had trained me how to still and secure my mind. Part of this was regularly giving myself space to think and meditate. Those were my magic words. If ever I wanted out of something, I just told him I needed space and he covered for me. 

 

He gave me a curt nod and pulled the heavy door back in place.  

 

Damn, I was a good liar. I laughed to myself as I re bolted my door. How could he possibly believe I was happy? I was a human living with vampires. I was weak, and vulnerable at all times. One paper cut away from losing my life to someone who hadn’t eaten recently. I went to my closet and pulled out my uniform. My jet black, bullet resistant, scratchy, heavy, motion inhibiting uniform. It was late summer and I was more likely to get heat stroke than get shot. I had no choice though. I never had a choice.