66 Great Opportunity

Anya Shumilskaya:

Everything happening felt unreal.

How the hell did it happen that just yesterday I was on my own, thinking how to escape from Nazar, and today I’m sitting in a pizzeria and voluntarily agreeing to babysit TWO completely unknown kids? Because if I fail at the role of mom, something even worse awaits me: the role of wife!

And if with the role of mom I’m almost sure I’ll manage, then in the role of wife I’m headed for a complete disaster.

I’d long caught myself thinking that I just… intentionally DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE Yartsev when he talks about love and relationships. I just don’t want to believe it not because it’s a lie, but quite the opposite.

What if he means all of it seriously?

Then I have even more problems.

Maybe it would be better if he were lying and playing with me. Because what would he gain from it in that case? Right, to sleep with me. We’d fuck, and honestly I wouldn’t even be against it anymore, he’s damn good at it, not gonna lie. Of course, I’d pretend to be terribly offended, pout for decency’s sake, and then we’d go our separate ways.

But no.

He keeps pushing further, and I’m genuinely scared that it’s serious for him. That he really fell in love with my hopeless ass and now he’ll dig through the earth just to keep me near him.

And me?

His all-around care and attention toward me are incredibly disarming. I can’t categorically refuse him intimacy anymore. Even though I try to keep my distance and tell myself every time to stay on guard, the moment he comes closer and looks into my soul with those cursed green eyes, it starts trembling anxiously. And the next moment, I already realize his lips drive me insane and his hands give me pleasure.

Damn experienced serpent-tempter!

I’m no inexperienced girl myself, but I can’t resist him, can’t keep my legs closed around him. Hell, he’d manage even without spreading my legs… The scariest part is that I like his kisses, and the way he knows how to drive me crazy. Sexually, we’re completely compatible. He somehow knows what I want, and I feel what he wants, and the result satisfies both of us.

I don’t want him to love me.

What for, exactly?

I’m not worthy of anyone’s love, because I simply don’t deserve it. With my past…

One way or another, Nazar’s concept of family is tightly tied to having children. Even though he was playing a role with his nephews, it was obvious they love him very much, and he loves them too. You can coach kids into a role and certain actions, but their love and sincere emotions toward him can’t be bought so easily.

If Yartsev got his act together, he’d make a wonderful father.

But next to me, that’s impossible.

Because I simply can’t become a mother.

I’m an incomplete woman, but he doesn’t need to know that. I don’t want to see that disgusting pity in his eyes, disappointment in me because of that too. If Nazar decides on a serious life, it definitely shouldn’t be with me. Let him find himself a normal girl, maybe even that Nastya from the cleaning service, get married, have kids. Everyone will be happy, and he’ll have someone to leave his inheritance to.

Truth be told, I agreed to this crazy bet not so much to get rid of the brunette, but because… I’m curious myself what it’s like to be a mom. Would I handle that role? Would I like it, or am I torturing and tormenting myself for nothing, only to cross myself and sigh in relief after two months? Maybe my infertility isn’t a punishment, like I think, but a gift from above?

Basically, this bet was a perfect chance to answer many questions tormenting me… well, and to get Nazar off my back peacefully.

Though EVEN if I lose, the truth about my infertility significantly increases the chance that he’ll run himself.

And anyway, I’ll think of something.

And most importantly, I’m not planning to lose!