Chapter 3 — The Document I Hadn't Read

The next morning, Luca was waiting by the front entrance.

He opened the car door. The cut at his mouth had swollen further overnight. Mother got in beside me. Father said he would come in another car.

As we passed through the main gates, I looked in the side mirror. Luca's eyes met mine for a moment before returning to the road.

"Did you drive me that night?"

Mother laid a hand on my knee.

I pushed it away.

Luca kept his gaze forward.

"I drove you as far as the villa."

His speech was slightly slurred. I looked at the corner of his mouth, where Renato had struck him the night before. Luca avoided the mirror.

I gripped my seat belt and waited for more.

"Did I tell you to go?"

"When you got into the car, yes."

"Who was with me?"

Luca's eyes rose to the rear-view mirror.

"Sera."

Mother had spoken.

"He can answer me now."

"Shall we pull over and talk?"

I looked at her. She was watching the driver's seat. Luca slowed briefly.

I turned towards the window.

I couldn't explain why the prospect of leaving the road and stopping frightened me more.

"No. Take me to the hospital first."

Mother withdrew her hand to her lap.

A different member of staff greeted us at the hospital. She addressed me by name and took me to a small waiting room. Mother stopped at the door.

"She wants to go in alone," Mother said.

The employee looked from Mother to me.

"It might help to hear the explanation with your family member—"

"Alone."

The word was mine.

The woman adjusted the papers in her hands.

The doctor who had seen me on my first visit was absent. An older woman stood as I entered.

"Where's Dr Moretti?"

"She'll be here for the afternoon clinic. I'm Rossi. What were you expecting us to explain today?"

I sat down.

Only once the door had shut completely did I speak.

"My father knows I'm pregnant."

She put down her papers.

"You mean he found out without you telling him?"

I nodded.

The doctor turned her computer screen slightly towards me. I could see the emergency contact and guardian information. Father's phone number was there.

I'd written down my own.

"Change it to this number, please."

I set my phone on her desk.

"Send the results only to me. I'll listen to the explanation of the tests. But until I've made a decision, don't tell anyone that I've agreed to proceed."

She made a note.

"And I want copies of all my medical records."

The doctor opened the records. While I waited for the papers to print, I spoke again.

"There's a night I can't remember."

Hearing myself say it made my mouth go dry.

"I don't know what happened that night. But there are people I saw before and after it."

Her expression changed. She asked whether I felt safe now.

I looked at the door.

I could say yes inside this room. I didn't know whether the answer would be the same once I stepped outside.

"I want to talk about that again. Today I just want my records."

She wrote down a number for a counselling service. I put it deep inside my bag. Luca's voice sounded beyond the door, but the doctor didn't open it.

After she explained the paternity testing, I consented to proceed. The four men would each have their identities checked and submit samples. I did not consent to the results being shared with my father.

Andrea was standing in the corridor when I came out carrying the records. Ethan stood behind him.

"Did you come together?"

Andrea nodded.

"For the samples. The others are coming at different times."

Ethan wore the same dark jacket as yesterday. When his eyes fell on the documents in my hands, I drew them against my chest. He looked away.

"Mr Andrea, this way, please."

At the employee's call, Andrea looked at me and turned to follow her. I couldn't go with him. Mother, standing nearby, asked what the doctor had said.

"I need the bathroom."

I headed down the corridor. Luca was on the phone at the far end. Ethan stood beside the exit. When I approached, he moved aside.

The papers caught on the corner of my bag. As I grabbed at them to stop them falling, Ethan supported them from below. Our fingertips touched beneath the pages.

I looked at his hand before I looked at the documents. When he withdrew it, the thin sheets settled against my palm.

"Did you read them?"

"I didn't look."

"That's what everyone says."

His eyes came back to me.

"Then see for yourself."

His open hand was empty. Only after looking at it did I slide the papers into my bag.

"Why do you keep helping me?"

"Because I can stop a few sheets of paper falling."

"And nothing beyond that?"

Ethan stepped closer. I started to step back, then stopped. Mother was visible at the end of the corridor. Without following my gaze, he asked:

"Is there someone you don't want overhearing us?"

I couldn't answer. His business card was in my bag, among the papers.

"You told me to call if I needed to."

"About my brother."

"Is what happens to me separate from what happens to him?"

He didn't answer immediately. It unsettled me that he wasn't searching for a soothing thing to say.

Luca finished his call. Ethan stepped away first. My shoulder felt cold, though he hadn't touched it.

"I'll listen when you're ready to speak."

I went into the bathroom and locked the door.

The face in the mirror looked unfamiliar. I drank some water and washed my hands. I dried them for a long time so I wouldn't turn the pages with wet fingers.

Among the medical records was a sheet the doctor hadn't mentioned today.

Consent for collection of records by a family representative and disclosure of results.

Below my father's name was my signature.

Sera Bellone.

It looked exactly like the way I signed. Even the final stroke of the last letter rose slightly.

I looked at the date.

It was the day after the party.

I set the paper on the sink. A drop of water fell beside the signature.

That morning, I hadn't even been able to get out of bed at the villa.