Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1: DESPERATE

Tama nga ang sinabi ko, apat na quizzes ang kinuha namin. Well, Alora Amelia Castillo definitely stole the spotlight during our performance in PE subject. Even if my dance moves were a bit off, it didn't matter because everyone was focused on her anyway. Pero ang bwesit na si Aiden, pinipigilan ang tawa habang pinapanood ako sa pagsasayaw. I even caught him sneaking a video of me, even though phones were strictly prohibited. Mali-mali pa naman ang stepping ko dahil hindi ako naka-practice. Kitang-kita ko ang inis ni Alora sa akin nang makita na ang dami kong mali.

I was backstage while preparing sa mga gamit namin na gagamitin sa stage mamaya. Bahagya ko pang pinupunasan ang pinakamamahal kong drumstick.

Sa tingin ko nga mas pipiliin ko pa 'to kaysa kay Aiden, eh.

"Mikay, uuwi na raw ang boyfriend mo ngayon?" tanong ng kasama kong guitarist sa kumakanta sa grupo namin.

"Uhm... yeah. He surprised me nga kanina. I was shocked, my heart is full of inspiration right now to sing. I didn't expect his effort," kinikilig na wika ni Mikay.

I looked at her. Her slightly curly hair framed her face, with a flower tucked neatly behind her ear. Even though she wasn't wearing any blush, her cheeks were naturally flushed. Hindi ko alam kong dahil ba iyon sa kilig or if it was just her natural complexion. She had a pointed nose and thin red lips that perfectly match. Her hooded eyes, and an M-shaped forehead that added to her charm.

"Si Logan Axel Tyndall ba ang boyfriend mo?" usisa pa ni Weslyn. Sunod-sunod na napatango si Mikay.

Napasinghap ako nang marinig ko ang pangalan niya. Pupunta ba siya rito?

"Teka, akala ko ba break na kayo no'n? May nakakita pa nga sa 'yo na umiiyak ka sa parking lot habang nakaluhod ka raw sa harap niya because of a cheating issue." Napatakip si Weslyn ng bibig.

Oh, this girl.

I really like her.

I saw how Mikay's cheeks flushed more, I'm sure it wasn't because of the natural complexion dahil iyon sa hiya. Is that really true?

Oh, pity.

"Weslyn, normal lang iyon sa magkasintahan," bawi ni Mikay sa kahihiyan.

"Oh, iyong mag-cheat ka sa kaniya?" Halos mawindang ako sa walang filter na bibig ni Weslyn habang nakikinig lang sa usapan nila.

Kaya mas bet ko 'to kaysa kay Mikay, eh. Si Weslyn ang pinaka-bubbly, pero at the same time, walang preno ang bunganga. Sasabihin niya talaga sa 'yo lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin— mga bagay na hindi man niya magustuhan. Wala siyang pakialam kung masaktan ka basta ang importante sa kaniya ay masabi niya ang nararamdaman o ano man ang lumabas sa matalim niyang bibig. Mabuti na lang, wala pa akong naririnig na negative words mula kay Weslyn.

She even told me that she likes my presence, though I honestly don't think there's anything special about me. Hindi naman kagandahan ang ugali ko, bukod sa mukha ko. Still, there's something comforting about Weslyn's honesty. It's like she sees me in a way I can't even see myself, just like Aiden.

"Catalina, tahimik ka yata," wika ni Mikay, alam kong sinadya niyang pansinin ako para makaiwas siya sa kahihiyan niya kanina at sa topic nila ni Weslyn.

"Alam mo, ikaw 'yong tipo ng tao na kahit tahimik, ang lakas ng dating," singit ni Weslyn. Hindi ko alam kung compliment 'yun o constructive criticism.

"Uh... nakikinig lang ako sa usapan niyo." I smiled. Great, pinamukha ko talaga na chismosa ako. Well, it's not my fault anyway. Kasalanan ko bang dito sila sa harap ko mismo nag-chi-chismisan.

Napatigil lamang kami nang marinig namin ang emcee sa labas na sinisimula ng i-present ang pangalan ng banda namin.

"Windcatcher!" Rinig na rinig dito mula sa backstage ang pagkakagulo ng ang mga tao mula sa labas.

We decided to name our band group as Windcatcher. Because we felt like it perfectly captured the essence of our music. Just like the wind, our sound is free, passionate, and unpredictable, carrying with it both our dreams and emotions. The name Windcatcher represents the pursuit of something greater, a constant chase for our dreams, no matter how elusive they might seem. It symbolizes our passion. How we reach for the skies and let our music soar, touching hearts along the way.

Lumabas kami mula sa backstage. The crowd grew wilder as we stepped onto the stage.

My eyes scanned the crowd, hinahanap ko si Aiden na alam kong kanina pa naghihintay dito sa labas. But strangely, my gaze was pulled toward another figure, a man who stood out effortlessly.

Sabi nila kapag first love mo ay mahirap talagang kalimutan, I think they're right. Because the moment our eyes eyes collide. Parang naging biglang sariwa pa sa akin ang lahat.

My first love is Aiden, my friend. But my first love romantically is Logan Axel Tyndall.

Seeing now in front of me, pakiramdam ko ay bumalik muli sa simula ang lahat.

"Shit, Mikay. Si Logan, oh. Pero bakit hindi siya nakatingin sa 'yo?" I heard Weslyn say, her voice edged with surprise habang tinuturo ang lalaking tinitingnan ko.

Despite the crowd's deafening cheers and the wind brushing against my skin, my attention was locked solely on him. It was as though the rest of the world had faded into the background. Sandaling nawala sa isip ko si Aiden because of him.

I noticed Weslyn following the direction of Logan's gaze. Her eyes landed on me, narinig ko ang bahagyang pagsinghap niya.

"Luh, tinitingnan niya si Catalina. Sabagay, sino ba naman ang hindi titingin sa ganiyang mukha? Kahit hindi na nga mag-effort na ayusan ang sarili, agaw-pansin na ang ganda," Weslyn said bluntly, her words tumbling out without hesitation.

Pero hindi ko pinansin si Weslyn. My focus was on him, the man whose piercing gaze was making it hard for me to think straight.

He looked different now, more mature and composed, with a confidence that seemed to draw people to him effortlessly. His dark hair was neatly styled, and his sharp features had become even more refined over time.

Ang bigat ng titig niya, parang binabasa ang buong pagkatao ko. My heart raced, but I couldn't tell if it was from the intensity of his stare or the chaos happening around us. Pero sa pagkakaalam ko sa sarili ko, sanay na sanay na akong mag-perform. Pero bakit ngayon nakaramdam ako ng kakaibang kaba?

Nothing changes, his effects to me still the same.

The energy between us was almost unbearable, but I couldn't bring myself to look away.

Umiigting ang panga niya habang nakatingin sa akin, completely unaffected by the noise and chaos of the crowd around him. Napahigpit ang hawak ko sa drumstick na hawak-hawak ko ngayon. Sa sobrang higpit ay parang mababali na ito. It felt like, in that moment, I was the only person in his world the way he stares at me. The way he looked at me made my heart race, hirap na hirap akong huminga, feeling like I'd forgotten how to.

Ano ba ang problema niya? Why is he staring at me like that?

His oval-shaped face, with its soft jawline and slightly wider forehead, was even more handsome than I remembered. He looked like a mafia boss or possessive CEO, salungat naman iyon kay Aiden na mukhang playboy ang dating. Hindi na ako nagtataka nang makita ang mga babaeng humahagikhik sa tabi niya, nagtutulakan pa at nagbubulungan na parang kilig na kilig sa kaniya, clearly charmed by him. But he didn't seem to care about them or anyone else, for that matter.

His focus was sole on me. His gaze made me squirm, unsure of what to do under his intense stare. Why wasn't he looking at his girlfriend instead? Did he enjoy seeing me this flustered?

Parang gusto ko na lang itusok itong drumstick sa mata niya.

His eyes are very intimidating. Tangina, nangangatog ang tuhod ko sa kaniya. Bakit ba parang hindi pa ako sanay sa ganiyang mga titig niya?

Ano'ng ginagawa niya rito? Ano'ng nangyari sa kaniya? Nauntog ba ang ulo niya at napagtanto ang halaga ko? O trip niya lang talaga akong trip-an ngayon? Naikiling ko ang ulo ko sa naisip. No matter what his reason, I don't care anymore.

By the way, what is he doing here? I can't forget what he told me before he left. So, ano? Nilunok niya lahat ng mga sinabi niya. Tss.

"We love you, Catalina!" I heard the crowd shout my name as I sat behind the drum kit.

My eyes flicked to the men standing beside the girls, their eyes gaze fixed on me. Oh, another admirers. Sanay na ako. Nakita kong napalingon din si Logan doon, I saw how his eyes darkened. I rolled my eyes dahil sa nakita ko.

"Start na tayo!" sigaw ni Mikay, kaagad na naagaw ang atensyon ko dahil doon.

Ngunit bago niya inayos ang microphone na nasa harap niya. Matalim siyang napalingon sa akin.

What, bitch?

I rolled my eyes at her. Hindi ko kasalanan na nakatingin sa akin ang boyfriend niya.

If she doesn't want her boyfriend staring at another girl. Edi itali niya sa katawan niya. Hindi iyong babae ang kakalabanin niya, imbes na pagalitan ang boyfriend niya.

Hinanap ulit ng mga mata ko si Aiden. This time, I did my best to ignore the piercing gaze that had been fixed on me. Finally, nakita ko si Aiden na kumakaway, tila kanina pa nagpapapansin sa akin. Nakasimangot pa ang mukha niya, halatang kaunti na lang ay magtatampo na talaga siya kung hindi ko siya mapansin.

When our eyes met, his face lit up with a wide smile, only for it to shift into a teasing smirk as he noticed something different in my expression. Bahagya pang kumikinang ang hikaw na suot-suot niya sa kaniyang tainga. Hindi ko alam kung nakita niya rin ba ang nakita ko. But probably, he saw it too.

His eyes followed mine and landed on Logan. Tumigil siya sandali, then looked back at me with a knowing grin. Makahulugan niya akong tiningnan, I sighed internally. I already knew pagkatapos nito, siguradong tutuksuhin niya ako.

As Mikay started singing the first verse, my hands moved automatically, beating out the rhythm. My eyes darted back to man in the crowd. He hadn't looked away, his intense gaze locked on me like I was the only person in the stage.

Bakit ako ang tinitingnan niya? Ba't 'di niya tingnan ang jowa niyang parang sasaksakin na ako sa talim ng titig sa akin?

Mikay's voice rang out, clear and strong, but I knew her focus wasn't fully on the song. Every now and then, her eyes would flick toward me, as if silently blaming me for something I had no control over. Ano'ng problema niya? Tusukin ko mata niya, eh. Nakakainis.

Lahat ng inis ko ay dinadaan ko na lang sa hampas ng drumstick sa drum. Ini-imagine ko na ulo nina Mikay at ng boyfriend niyang haliparot ang pinupukpok ko ng drumstick.

The crowd's energy fed into our performance, but I couldn't shake the unease bubbling inside me. Mikay's boyfriend, or maybe ex-boyfriend based on how things looked had become the invisible wall between us, and I could feel it cracking with every song we played.

Napapalingon ako kay Aiden dahil kinukuhaan niya ako ng litrato at videos. Well, he always like that kapag may gig ako. Puno ng mukha ko ang cellphone niya. At puro ako na ang nasa story niya sa f******k at iba pang social media. Mabuti na lang hindi mahilig si Mommy gumamit ng social media kaya hindi pa ako nabubuking sa pinanggagawa ko.

Nakatatlong songs kami. Isa lang sana iyon, eh. Kaso nanghingi pa ng palugit ang mga tao. Ayoko na sana, kaso itong si Mikay pabida-bida. Hinayaan ko na lang siya, alam ko kasing gusto niya lang i-impress ang boyfriend niya. Pero ewan ko sa gago, hanggang matapos ang pag-perform namin sa stage. He never takes off his eyes on me. Surely Mikay will feel disrespected. Paano ba naman kasi, siya ang girlfriend tapos ako ang tinitingnan niya?

"Catalina, uwi ka na agad?" Weslyn asked when she saw me na nag-aayos ng mga gamit ko. I looked at her, she looks tired. Siguro dahil na rin kanina sa stage. Nakita ko kasing napilitan lang siya na maggitara roon dahil gusto pa ni Mikay kumanta.

Her round eyes looked sleepy, and she kept sneezing dahil may allergy ito sa buhangin. Her pointed nose was red right now, along with her cheeks. I couldn't help but notice that she looked even cuter with her bangs, especially with her hair tied up in a bun. She was wearing a denim mini skirt, a halter neck top, and gladiator boots.

"Oo, eh. Naghihintay si Aiden sa labas," sagot ko sa kaniya.

"Ba't 'di mo lang siya pinapasok dito?" suhesyon ni Weslyn.

"Niyaya ko siya kanina, kaso mas gusto niya sa labas," sagot ko naman. Palibhasa feel na feel niya na tinitingnan siya ng mga babae. Babaero rin kasi ang lokong iyon.

"Ah, ganoon ba? Bakit naman?" tanong ni Weslyn sa akin. Bahagya pa itong humalikipkip sa mesa.

"Ewan ko nga sa kaniya," sagot ko at sinabayan pa ng kibit-balikat.

"Do you like him?" singit ni Mikay na kakarating lang habang nakataas ang kilay. Wrong question, I guess.

"We're just childhood best friends. Hindi ko siya gusto, at mas lalong hindi rin niya ako gusto."

"So that's why you're flirting with my boyfriend?" Mikay's bluntly asked. Sabi na nga ba, eh.

Weslyn's eyes widened, kita ko ang pag-awang ng labi niya. Hindi makapaniwala ang mukha niya nang marinig ang deritsahang tanong ni Mikay sa akin.

"Your boyfriend is the one who was looking at her, Mikay. At habang nasa stage tayo kanina, he wasn't looking at you. Even though nakatingin si Catalina kay Aiden. I noticed that your boyfriend's attention was on Catalina, not on yours. Bakit nga ba, Mikay? Wala akong nakikitang flirt na nangyari roon, maybe you should blame your boyfriend for that," singit ni Weslyn. That's why I like her, she knows how to observe properly.

Mikay's eyes are like a piercing dagger. I could see her jaw tighten as she tried to find something to say back. Pero hindi naman siya hinayaan ni Weslyn na magsalita.

"Look, Mikay, maybe you should talk to your boyfriend first before accusing anyone else. He's the one who needs to be honest with you," Weslyn added, crossing her arms confidently. Bahagya pang nakataas ang kilay nito sa salubong na mga kilay ni Mikay.

Mikay's face flushed red, and she quickly turned on her heel, storming off without another word.

"Don't mind her. She's just projecting her insecurities on you," wika ni Weslyn, sabay irap. "Eh, bakit ba kasi ganoon sa 'yo ang boyfriend niya? Ang pangit naman kasi sa part niya na ganoon. Magkakilala na ba kayo, kaya ganoon?" I tried to open my mouth but none came out. Ayaw kong sabihin sa kaniya, kaya naman napailing na lamang ako.

What happened between us will remain etched in the past. Ayoko nang balikan iyon. Hindi ko na hahayaang bumalik pa ulit iyon. Hindi ko na hahayaang maging katulad ako noon dahil lang sa kaniya. I admit that I made a mistake in the past, lalo na sa kaniya. But I thought we already settled. Pero na-settle na siguro para sa kaniya kaya siya bumalik dito.

Napatingin kami sa isang lalaking pumasok. He approached Weslyn's and kissed her on cheeks. My cheeks flushed because of awkwardness when his boyfriend snaked his arm on her waist. He looked possessive and territorial while holding her own property. You can see the difference on their height, si Weslyn ay hanggang dibdib lang nito. Napaiwas ako ng tingin nang makita ko ang lalaki na tinuntong niya ang baba niya sa ulo ni Weslyn. Weslyn suddenly giggled, ang lapad pa ng ngiti niya.

Uminit ang pisngi ko nang makita ang posisyon nila. Weslyn smiled widely when she saw my reaction.

"Hatid na kita sa inyo," I heard the guy whispered to his ears. Napahagikhik si Welyn nang marinig ang baritono at malalim na boses ng kaniyang kasintahan.

Napairap ako, ang lapit lang naman ng bahay niya, eh. Landi talaga nito.

"Catalina, mauna na kami sa 'yo ni Owen." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ng lalaki.

"S-sige, ingat kayo," sabi ko habang nakaiwas ng tingin sa kanila.

"Mag-ingat din kayo ni Aiden pag-uwi, ha." Napatango ako.

I sighed nang mawala na ang dalawa sa paningin ko.

Lumabas ako mula sa backstage. Nakita kong nakahalukipkip si Aiden sa harap ng pinto, halatang kanina pa ako hinihintay. Nang makita niya ako, agad siyang umayos nang tayo pero hindi pa rin nawala ang makahulugang tingin niya at mapaglarong ngisi. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Uwi na tayo?" paanyaya ni Aiden. He yawned suddenly, halatang pagod at antok na.

I laughed. "Sige, inaatok na ako. Gusto ko na ring umuwi," wika ko sa kaniya.

"Inaantok o may iniiwasan?" he playfully asked while wearing his annoying smirked.

"Ewan ko sa 'yo, seryoso ako!" inis na anas ko sa kaniya. Aiden was about to tell something, pero agad ding napatigil dahil may nakakuha bigla ng atensyon namin.

"Logan! Wait! Hindi mo ba ako ihahatid? Kukunin ko lang ang gamit ko!" Sabay kaming napalingon ni Aiden nang marinig ang boses ni Mikay. She sounded so desperate.

My lips parted when Logan's gaze landed on me, then shifted to Aiden. His eyes darkened, and I saw his jaw clench. Kaagad siyang dumiretso sa paglalakad.

"I have to go, Mikay. I have a lot of things to do. I just came here to see someone," he said in a deep voice. My heartbeat suddenly pounded rapidly. Who's that someone, then? Pakiramdam ko ay parang may kumurot sa puso ko nang marinig iyon.

"A-akala ko ba you came here because of me? N-nanood ka pa nga sa akin, 'di ba?" Mikay's voice almost sounds like begging. Humakbang siya palapit kay Loban, but he stepped back. Para bang nandidiri siyang hahawakan siya ni Mikay. My heart hurts.

Habang nanonood sa kanila. Pakiramdam ko ang pangyayari noon ay parang kahapon lang nangyari.

Mikay turned her gaze at me and then to Aiden. Her eyes were full of disgust, but I didn't back down and raised an eyebrow at her. Ano'ng problema niya? It's clear that I didn't do anything wrong. Kung tutuusin, ako ang dapat magalit sa kaniya dahil sa nangyari sa nakaraan.

Pareho kami ni Aiden na naka-cross ang mga kamay habang pinapanood ang eksena sa harap namin ng magkasintahang tila nag-aaway.

"We didn't buy popcorn, moonbeam. Hindi ko alam na may libre palang sinehan rito," bulong ni Aiden sa tainga ko. Hindi ko namalayang nakalapit na pala siya sa likuran ko. I rolled my eyes on his joke.

Nakita kong napabaling ang tingin ni Logan sa amin. Napatiim-baga siya bago muling ibinaling ang tingin kay Mikay na halos luluhod na sa harapan niya. Malamig na tinapunan niya ng tingin ang babaeng desperada sa harap niya.

Desperate, huh? Am I talking to my old self?

Parang hindi rin ako naging ganiyan dati sa kaniya, ah. But not now, I learned from my mistake. My mistake is him. And I don't want to repeat those mistakes again.

I sighed deeply, almost as if I could exhale all the lingering pain that clung to my chest.

"Am I looking at you during your performance, Mikay?" he asked coldly, making me gasp. Bumaling ulit siya sa akin, and my heart felt like it was about to burst from how fast it was beating.

"L-Logan—" Mikay didn't finish her statement when Logan cut her off.

"Go home alone, Mikay. We're over," he said coldly. Tumingin ulit siya sa akin bago tumalikod at iniwan si Mikay.

"Natameme ka yata," wika ni Aiden habang nagmamaneho. I can't believe what I just heard!

Did he come to see me? Gusto ko na lang sampalin ang sarili sa iniisip ko. Ano na naman, Catalina? Umaasa ka na naman? Pinapaasa mo lang ang sarili mo.

Fuck!

Paniguradong hindi ako makakatulog mamaya nito sa kakaisip sa sinabi niya kay Mikay.

"Parang bumabalik na naman ang tamis, ah," he teased, smirking.

"Shut up, Aiden. That was a long time ago. I was just desperate back then. For god's sake, I was just fifteen years old that time. Infatuation lang ang lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa kaniya. Tamang crush-crush lang iyon, huwag kang OA!"

Napataas ang kilay niya at ngumisi. He glanced at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road.

"Desperate? Is that what we're calling it now?" I groaned.

I leaned my head against the car window. "You really love digging up ancient history, don't you?' I asked sarcastically.

Humalakhak siya bigla. "Your reaction is priceless kapag siya na ang pinag-uusapan. You should be ashamed of what you did before, moonbeam. Begging is like digging your own grave. It's not your vocabulary, as I remember."

My thoughts drifted back to Logan, his intense gaze and the cold finality in his tone when he ended things with Mikay.

Habang nasa byahe ganoon pa rin ang iniisip ko.

"I know. Kaya nga 'di ko siya nilapitan, eh," mahinang turan ko.

"Sa tingin mo, bakit kaya siya nandito?"

"I don't know... and I don't care kung ano man ang rason niya kung bakit pa siya bumalik."

Kung ano man ang dahilan na iyon, I won't allow myself to fall for him again. I won't allow myself to chase after him again... to be desperate again... to love someone I know cannot love me back... to cry every night... to let my heart break once again... to fix the broken pieces caused by him.

I'm sure I'll never be like that again.

Nanatili akong nakatingin sa bintana ng kotse, tinatanaw ang bawat building na nadadaanan namin. I was silently gazing out the window, reminiscing about the moments in the past that we spent between me and Logan.

I glanced up at the gray skies, the clouds heavy with the promise of rain.

The memories flooded in like a tide I couldn't stop. How his presence could light up even in my darkest days, it all felt so vivid as if it had just happened yesterday. Yet, those memories, no matter how beautiful, were now nothing more than fragments of a time I could never return to.