Chapter 807

NOAH.

It’s been months, and this still doesn’t feel normal.

I park outside Sierra’s place and cut the engine, my gaze lifting to the front door before I can stop myself. I don’t come inside anymore. That was one of her boundaries and I respect it even though it sometimes burns.

Slowly I get out of the car and walk towards the door. It opens before I can knock.

“Hi, Dad,” Nolan says, his hands still clutching the doorknob.

“Hey.” I ruffle his hair, then look behind him when I don’t see Nova. “Where is your sister?”

“Aunt Sierra is helping her with her hair.” He answers. “She got some mud on it when we were playing with Blackie.”

“Okay, are you ready?”

“Just a second,” he says, before slinking away, leaving me standing awkwardly at the door.

“Daddy!” Nova squeals minutes later as she comes barreling straight into my legs.

I crouch slightly as she wraps herself around me and then press a kiss to her hair before standing up.

Sierra and Nolan follow at a calmer pace, backpack slung over his shoulder. They come to a stop and I just stare at Sierra, my mind going blank for a minute.

She has one hand resting instinctively over her belly, while the other holds Nova’s bag. She’s glowing; there’s no other word for it. Her hair is pulled back loosely, her face softer and fuller. The baby bump is unmistakable now, beneath her dress.

My chest tightens. She looks good. Too good and maybe I’m high or something, but damn… she looks better than any pregnant woman I’ve ever seen. Better than even my mother. Better than Chloe.

My gaze is fixed on her, but she’s not looking at me. She never does. It’s like I don’t exist.

“Ready?” I ask my kids

“Yes,” Nova says, then pauses. “But Sierra has snacks for later.”

“I packed them already,” Sierra says, her attention entirely on the kids. She hands Nolan a small bag, then adjusts Nova’s jacket. “Call me when you get home, okay?”

Nova nods enthusiastically. “I will.”

She hugs Sierra hard, pressing her cheek to her stomach. Nolan does the same before whispering something to her belly.

I stand there, like I’m invisible. Like I’m an outsider and they're the real family. It shouldn’t sting but it fucking does and I hate to admit it.

Sierra finally looks up at me. Our eyes meet for half a second, but I don’t see anything in them except politeness and distance.

“Have a good evening,” she says.

“You too,” I reply.

That’s it. That’s all that ever happens. She barely talks to me and when she does, it’s with detached interest, like I don’t matter.

She tells the twins goodbye one more time before she closes the door behind them without another glance.

The drive home is loud. Nova talks nonstop about school, about a drawing she made, and about a song she learned. Nolan adds commentary here and there, correcting details and filling in facts.

The noise should be enough to quiet my thoughts, but it isn’t. Sierra’s behavior has been bothering me for months now, and no matter how much I turn it over in my head, I can’t figure out why it gets under my skin so badly.

I should be fucking happy. Elated that she’s finally keeping her distance but no matter how hard I try to convince myself, I can’t accept that she’s doing exactly what I told her to do.

This arrangement has been in place since the week after Sierra left my home. The twins have unlimited calls and visits, and sometimes they even have sleepovers at her place.

As her relationship with the twins improved and the bond between them grew stronger, my relationship with her grew more strained

“Daddy,” Nova says, swinging her legs in her seat and pulling me back from my thoughts, “We think Sierra has a boyfriend.”

My grip instinctively tightens on the steering wheel.

“What?”

“She has a boyfriend,” Nolan repeats calmly, but there is something under that calmness that reminds of a caged animal.

I glance at them through the rearview mirror. “Why would you think that?”

Nova shrugs. “She smiles at her phone a lot… and talks on her phone for hours after we go to bed.”

“She might be talking to her mom or Lilly.”

“No, that's not it,” Nolan adds thoughtfully. “She sometimes receives flowers and chocolates and gifts. I don’t think that’s something Aunt Lilly or her mom would do for her weekly.”

A sour taste hits instantly, leaving an unwelcome taste in my mouth.

“Have you met him?” I ask.

They shake their heads.

“No. We haven’t seen him and she hasn’t said anything, but we are sure she has one.” Nova replies.

Fuck, why is it suddenly so fucking hard to breathe? This information shouldn’t affect me, yet it fucking does.

I stew in my seat, thinking the topic is over until Nolan whispers,

You need to do something about it,” he says. “Because I don’t like the idea of her marrying someone else and becoming a mom to other children.”

I stare at him through the rearview mirror, unsettled by the possessiveness in his tone. I wonder when my son became so territorial over Sierra, so certain, as if he weren’t making a suggestion but laying down how things would be.

The rest of the drive passes in a blur because my mind is racing and I can barely concentrate on anything except the bomb the twins just dropped on my lap.

Once they’re settled at home and the nanny takes over, I retreat to my study and shut the door harder than necessary.

I don’t think as I just grab my phone and call her. It’s unreasonable, but I want answers.

She answers on the third ring. “What?”

“Are you dating?” I ask.

There’s a pause, then incredulous laughter. “Excuse me?”

“The twins told me you have a fucking boyfriend,” I snap.

I can’t explain the anger or the bitterness, but it’s there and it burns inside me like acid eating away at my insides.

“And how exactly is that your business?” she fires back.

“You shouldn’t be dating, Sierra.” I argue, my fist clenching at the thought of Sierra with another man.

“Really?” she says coldly. “And why is that?”

I rake a hand through my hair. “You are fucking pregnant for fuck’s sake!”

“Where the hell does it say a pregnant woman can’t date?” she asks, completely pissed off.

“You’re carrying my child.”

“Oh really?” she says. “If I remember correctly, you didn’t want anything to do with my baby, Noah… MY BABY… so what gives you the right to dictate what I do and don’t do?”

I remain silent.

"You conveniently forget my child when it doesn't suit you, then remember him when it does... what the fuck is wrong with you?"

“It’s just not right,” I growl, gripping the phone. "You can't date another man while pregnant with someone else's child."

As long as he still wants me, you can take your unwanted opinion and shove it up your fucking ass.”

“Who is he?” I grind out, pissed

“I don’t owe you an answer,” she says. “You don’t get to interrogate me about who I see or don’t see.”

“Sierra…”

She cuts me off before I can continue.

“You’re crossing a line,” she says sharply. “Mind your own fucking business, Noah.”

She ends the call and I’m left staring at my phone, jaw clenched, heat flooding my chest.

Fuck! She didn’t give any answers and why the fuck does it bother me that she’s not backing down?

I take a deep breath before opening my eyes.

This entire thing feels suffocating. I need grounding and there is only one thing that can help me with that… Chloe’s diary.

I open the drawer, take it out, and just run my hand over the worn-out leather cover.

I’ve been reading it slowly, and seeing her affection, love and crush for me through the pages reminds me that she loved. Reminds me that what we had was real.

I don’t remember most of the scenes and events that she wrote about, but seeing how we started through her eyes grounds me.

I flip through familiar pages, flipping through entries about childhood crushes, about watching me from afar, and about how long she waited.

I smile faintly, and then I turn the page to where I’d left off the last time I read it.

[I remember my first true heartbreak. It was the day I saw Noah looking at Sierra. We were in high school and it was during lunch break.

That day, Sierra had dressed differently from her usual clothes, and I had to admit, she looked really good. So good, in fact, that a few boys even turned to look at her.]

The memory resurfaces. Sierra had been wearing a short pleated skirt instead of her usual baggy trousers, knee-high boots instead of sneakers and a fitted long-sleeved top instead of a wide t-shirt.

[The three of us were seated a few tables away from him and his friends and Noah kept stealing glances at her. She didn’t even realize it. Didn’t even see how he smiled when she laughed at something Lilly told her.]

I didn’t even realize anyone had noticed; that’s how captivated I was.

My annoyance with her had faded as we got older, and I mainly ignored and avoided her because I didn't understand the feelings that seemed to come alive whenever she was near.

That day, though, became the turning point, the moment I realized that I had a crush on her. I kept it hidden, but little by little, my attitude toward her began to change.

[I don’t think he realized it, but I did. I always do. He was starting to feel something for Sierra, and I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t let it happen because he was mine, and I wouldn’t let anyone else have him.]

My breath catches, and for a moment I can’t draw air into my lungs. I read it again and again, but the entry doesn’t change.

A chill crawls up my spine as her words settle like stones. My fingers tighten around the page before I close the diary slowly.

Something about those words feels wrong. There’s a stark contrast between the emotions in the previous entries and this one.

The earlier entries spoke of something soft and innocent. This one doesn’t. This one reads like ownership. Like possesion... And that makes me question her love for me.