5. Confrontation (2)

 XIMENA

“Are you cheating on me?”

That was the first thing that came out of Jake's mouth. Not are you okay? Not why were you at a club when you hate places like that? Not even an apology for ignoring me for an entire week.

Just one question asked in a tone that made it clear he had already decided on the answer before even asking me.

My eyes dropped back down to the screen to see a photo of me and the stranger outside the club. The angle was misleading, capturing the exact second my hands were pressed against the stranger's chest and his arm wrapped firmly around my waist to hold me still, but the only thing my boyfriend saw was how intimate it looked.

“You think I'm cheating on you because of one photo?” a humorless laugh slipped past my lips.

“My friends saw you at the club with another man and sent me that!” His jaw tightened as he stepped closer. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me? Is he the reason why you haven't reached out to me all week?”

His eyes contorted into a disgusted look and I almost let out a laugh. 

He was worried about what his friends would think. The same friends he couldn't even admit I was his girlfriend to?

“So you were counting,” I whispered.

“That's not the point, Ximena!”

“No, it's not,” my throat burned as if the splitting headache tearing through my skull wasn't enough. 

“You ghosted me for seven fucking days to punish me for being upset that you kissed another girl! You sat in your apartment waiting for me to crawl back and apologize to you, but the second you get a photo of me and another man, you suddenly find the time to come into my room?”

“So that is it?” He scoffed in disbelief. “You threw yourself at another man because you wanted to get back at me?”

“If you can do it, why can't I?” I shot him a look and he flinched at my words.

“God, you're so hard to reason with lately! You're turning this on me again? All I did was play a game, but you chose to embarrass me in return!”

“Because it's always about you, Jake!” I shoved his phone back to his chest angrily. “It's always about you. Your reputation. Your friends. Your ego. You can kiss Maya in front of a room full of people and call me insecure for crying about it, but the moment the table turns, I'm the villain?”

I inhaled sharply. “Did you ever stop to think that I went there because I was hurting and needed to clear my head? Of course you didn't. Because somehow, in your head, everything I do still revolves around you.”

“Ximena—”

“No!” I cut him off before he could start making excuses again. “You told me last week to fix my insecurities, remember? You said you're done with the back and forth, but from where I stand, I realize it's not just an insecurity issue, Jake. I think we need a break.”

“You can't possibly—”

“I can,” my voice interrupted him once again. “I'm tired of bonding for a day and fighting for three weeks, Jake.”

Tears stung my vision but I didn't let it spill. I didn't shout, or try to make him understand me anymore. I have done that countless of times and where has that gotten us?

“I'm tired of being the girl who does everything to please a man. I'm done shrinking myself just to make your life easier. I'm tired of watching you prioritize everyone else's feelings above mine. You care so much about what your friends think. Your teammates. Even the girls on campus that you shouldn't have any business with. But in all of that, where does that leave me?”

His mouth opened slightly to defend himself, but he was too stunned to speak.

“I'm tired of you turning on me everytime there is a problem,” I pressed on. “All I ever wanted was for you to stand up for me when your friends mock me to my face! I spent four years letting you hide me, all for what? Just so you can throw me away the second a stupid dare comes up? I'm better off alone.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Jake shook his head. “How many times will I say it for you to believe that I've never cheated on you? Not even once! We've been together for four years and you still won't trust me?!”

“And that exactly is why I expected better from you, Jake!” I screamed at his face.

I have never doubted his love for me or accused him of cheating on me. All I asked was for him to respect me and those are two different things.

“Four years, Jake! That's a lot of time to learn how to stand up for me!”

“You're not a weakling, Ximena! Why do you need me to do that for you?!” He snapped back.

He's still not getting it. 

“All I asked for is for you to respect me without making me beg for it! You don't trust me. You don't take me seriously, and yet you think I owe you my devotion when you give nothing in return. That's not fair!”

“What is not fair is blowing things out of proportion just because you're jealous!”

The room fell silent and for the first time in since Jake and I got together, I didn't feel the need to argue anymore.

When be noticed that I was not speaking anymore, he finally broke the silence.

“So what are you saying?” He asked calmly.

“I think we need a break,” I breathed out, my lips trembling as the reality of my words hit me.

“There's no break, Ximena. I gave you one week to clear your head and you were already messing around with another man,” he sucked in a deep breath. “Our future has been planned and I won't allow you ruin it over something like this.”

I didn't expect things to come to this either. I have spent the last four years making list of what we'll do after graduation. Our marriage would fall in Summer, honeymoon in Paris, buy a vacation house in Italy because by then, he'd have been a successful player and I'll be his supportive childhood sweetheart and wife.

But even in all those plans, I imagined myself as his shadow.

“I'm not asking for your permission,” my voice lowered in exhaustion. “That is what I want.”

“If I walk out of the door, Ximena, we're done for good,” he threatened, expecting me to falter and take back my words like I'd always do but this time, I'm done chasing him.

I love Jake, but for once, I want him to fight for us too.

“So be it.”

His eyes flickered with something unreadable, then his expression hardened.

“Is it because of him?” His voice dropped and my stomach churned loudly.

Even now, he still couldn't believe that I'd ask for a break without seeing someone new. I have to be the villain in the story for him to feel justified, so I nodded slowly.

“Yes,” the words rolled off my tongue like a bitter pill. “I cheated on you so I don't think we should be together anymore.”

If he knew me, he'd know that was something I'd never do to him no matter how angry I got, but turns out I spent the last four years learning everything about him while he just enjoyed the attention.

“I never want to see you again,” he spoke softly before storming out of my room.