LOGIN"Magpadala ka ng isang kahon ng chocolates at mga pangbatang damit at laruan sa bahay." Utos ko kay Brandon nang tawagan ko ito.
'Tangina! Anong kalokohan na naman 'to, Vis?' Malakas na mura ni Brandon sa kabilang linya. Kaya naman agad kong nailayo ang cellphone sa tainga ko. "Ikahon mo. Ayusin mo, Brandon. Kung ayaw mong buhay mo ang sirain ko." 'Gago-' Pinatayan ko na ito nang tawag bago pa man makapagsalita. Agad ko namang pinaharurot ang sasakyan papunta sa bahay ni Lucas. I'm in a hurry. Sino namang pagpapanggapin ko na ina ng batang iyon? Wala akong balak magpakikilala rito ng kung sinong babae lang. Kaya mas mabuti pang magpadala na lamang ng kahon ng chocolate na sa akin mismo nanggaling. Just to stop her from confusions. "Let me give you what you wanted. Just to stop you from finding out truth and lies at a very young and sensitive age." Mariing wika ko habang nasa kotse. Marahan ngunit buo. — Sakto namang papalabas ako ng kotse ay sya namang paglabas ni Lucas mula sa bahay nito. "Where are you going?" Pagmamadali kong pigil rito. "Sa review center. Magrereview. And you?" Malamig na tanong nito. "I haven't plan anything yet." Because my life has become a whirlwind of diaper changes, bedtime stories, and endless understanding, all centered around the tiny human who was just adopted as my daughter. Yes, i haven't plan anything yet. Because I've found myself too consumed by her needs and wants. Nakausap ko naman si Brandon tungkol sa planong naisip ko. Kaya umuwi na lamang ako nang makitang aalis talaga si Lucas kahit pa dumating ako. KINABUKASAN..... Nasa hapag-kainan kami at sapilitang pinapakain si Ashianna. Wala itong ibang ginawa kundi ang magcellphone at ang manood ng tv. And I hate the fact that I gave her all the permissions for that. "Ashianna, napapagod na si Manang sa ginagawa mo." Malamig na wika ko. Napatingin lamang ito saglit sa akin. Bago muling tumakbo habang tumatawa dahil tuwang-tuwa ito sa paghahabol ni Manang Amanda. "ASHIANNA!" Sigaw ko nang hindi ito mapatigil sa mahinahong pagsasaway. Napatigil naman ito sa takot. "Sit down." Malakas ang boses na utos ko. Itinuro ang upuan nito sa tapat ko. Tahimik naman itong umakyat sa upuan at hindi mapanatili ang tingin sa akin. "Hindi ka maglalaro ng cellphone. Ibigay mo 'yan kay Manang." So this is what you want, huh? Yelling. "Daddy, no. I don't want my phone away from me, daddy." Pagmamakaawa nito. She was almost in tears, sniffling as she gazed at the cellphone that Manang Amanda had tucked into the pocket of her maid's uniform. Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Pinili kong hindi magpadala sa ekspresyon ng mukha nito. Dahil kung gagawin ko iyon, masasanay at masasanay lamang itong walanghiyain ako. Suddenly, I heard the doorbell rang. Tumayo ako hindi upang kuhanin ang anumang kahon na nasa labas. Kundi upang agawin kay Manang ang ginagawa nitong pagsusubo kay Ashianna. "Pakitingnan, Manang." Napatigil saglit si Manang. Tiningnan ako nito na tila alam na nito na iyon ang kahon ng chocolates na pina-deliver ko. Tumango lamang ako biglang pagsang-ayon. "Did my shout frighten you?" Mahinahong tanong ko rito habang isinusubo ang kanin at ulam. Tumango lang ito. I felt a pang of conscience and sympathy, replacing my earlier irritation for her. "Galit ka?" Tumango lang ulit ito. I nodded back, accepting blame. My nod was automatic, my gaze locked on Ashianna as I watched her every action, her every gesture towards me with anxious breathe. Kanina pa itong nagtatampo sa akin. Hindi ako pinapansin habang nagbubukas ng kahon. Malaki iyon at halos kasing taas ng kanyang bewang. "What's in your box, baby?" Tanong ko rito. Nagkukunwaring sumilip sa kahong nasa tabi nito. FLASHBACK..... Mabilis kong kinuha ang cellphone sa aking lamesa nang marinig iyong magvibrate. Sandali kong itinigil ang pagrereview para sa board exam. Brandon: Just choose fast and quick, you moron. Napakarami ng mga sinend nitong pamimilian kaya nilahat ko na lang. Me: Take all. The price doesn't matter, tho. Brandon: Magkano ba ang commission ko rito? Me: Is my punch enough? Brandon: Fuck you, Realmondo! END OF FLASHBACK..... "I got a chocolates... and toys here." Sagot nito sa akin. It seems like she's bragging the package her mom sent, but it was actually something I had made for her. I smiled, biting my lip in relief. It seems that she wasn't mad at me anymore. "And what's that one." Patuloy ko. Itinuro ang tatlong box na ipinatong lang muna nito sa sofa habang kumukuha pa ng ibang mga bagay sa loob ng kahon. "A lego house, Daddy." Masigla nitong sagot. Masaya nitong dinampot ang kahon at itinaas sa kapantay ng kanyang dibdib upang makita ko. "And a seas cruisers lego. And a lego house again." Pinagsalitan nyang buhatin ang mga kahon. She seemed to be bursting with energy and excitement over the gifts in the package, but surprisingly, she didn't even noticed the chocolates. Hinayaan nya iyong nakapatong sa kabilang gilid. Nakahiwalay sa ibang mga laruan nito at damit. "Can I have one?" Tanong ko. Tumayo upang kumuha ng isang box ng chocolate. "Opo." Sagot nito. Abala na ngayon sa pagsusukat ng bestidang tingin ko ay si Brandon ang pumili. Hindi ko iyon nakita sa mga sinend nya kahapon. Kinuha ko na lamang ang chocolates at sinubo. My mood suddenly dropped, and I lost interest in watching Ashianna's toy unwrapping. Fvck that dog! Wala naman sa pinili ko kahapon ang mga dress at lego na iyon! — "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANA~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANA~ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANA~" Rinig kong pagkanta ng mga kaklase ni Ashianna sa may swimming pool. I hold her 12th birthday party by the swimming pool outside, and invited her Grade 8 classmates and a few friends from other sections. Kasama ang mga teachers nito mula sa Comanche Highschool. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ASHIANNA! HOW YOUNG ARE YOU?" sigaw pa ng mga kaklase nito. Nanatili akong nasa lounge kasama ang iilang mga kaibigan. Habang pinapanood ang nagaganap na kasiyahan sa kabilang gilid ng swimming pool area. "Your daughter must have been very happy for this." Panimula ni Lucas. Nakatingin rin ito sa kabilang gilid ng swimming pool. Kung saan hinihiwa na ni Ashianna angcake na regalo mismo ng mga kaklase nito. "Dapat lang." Mariing sagot ko at mabilis na tumayo nang makitang may isang lalaking tumutulong rito sa paghihiwa ng cake. Kapit nito ang kamay ni Ashianna habang pareho nilang pinagtutulungang hiwain ang cake. Malakas na hiyawan naman ang nanggaling sa mga bisita. "Guess who's freakin' jealous!" Asar ni Brandon. Habang sumisipol na sumusunod sa akin. "I'm jealous, too. Wala man lang akong kaholding hands na chix ngayon." Dagdag pa nito. Hindi ko nilingon ang dalawa sa likod. Dahil nanatili ang mata ko sa dalawa. Habang nakangiting naglalambingan sa harap ko at sa harap ng maraming bisita. "Dad." Tila nagulat naman si Ash nang makitang nasa harap ako. "Let me." Malamig na wika ko. Siniguradong matatakot sa mga tingin ko ang lalaking katabi nito. "D-dad si Kendrick po. K-kaklase ko." Nauutal na pagpapakilala ni Ashianna. Kita ko ang pakikiusap sa mga mata nito. As if telling me to not cause a scene or to not do anything annoying . I looked at the boy halfly behind him. He was visibly nervous and struggling to introduce himself. "Your boyfriend.. seems anxious, Ash." Bulong ko. Siniguradong maririnig iyon ng lalaking kasama nito. "He's not my boyfriend, daddy. Classmate ko lang po." Mahinahong paliwanag ni Ashianna. She was visibly holding back from yelling at me. "Not your boyfriend, but got a pretty possessive grip on your hand!" Mariing hamon ko rito. Ngayon ay nauubos ko na ang natitira nitong pagtitimpi. Nakakaya na nitong tumingin sa akin. Matalim at nanlilisik ang mata. "Tinutulungan nya ako, daddy!" Mataas ang boses na sagot nito. Pinapantayan ang akin. "Then, let me help you. Ano pang kailangan gawin... ako na. Damn it!" I asked. Cursing frustratedly under my breathe. Narinig ko naman ang pagsipol ni Brandon sa likuran. "Tama na 'yan, Vis. Tinatakot mo masyado ang mga bata." Pasimple ako nitong siniko sa likuran. Inginuso ang babaeng papalapit sa amin. "You're woman's here." Bulong pa ni Brandon. "She's not my woman." I shot back. Lucas had given the guests the green light to eat or hit the pool, so they didn't notice the commotion between my daughter and her not so good-looking boyfriend. Napatingin ako kay Ashianna. Kinakausap na nito ang lalaking katabi kanina. Malayo sa amin at halatang humihingi ng tawad ang anak ko. "Bakit nandito ka? We talked about it, Ma'am Andra. Ako ang pupunta, hindi ikaw." Kontrolado ang boses na wika ko. Nakatayo kaming pareho sa harap ng swimming pool. "I'm not here for you, Vis. Gusto ko lang umattend ng birthday ni Ashianna." Paliwanag nito. Itinaas ang paper bag at ipinakita sa akin. "She doesn't need you." Singhal ko. Hindi maalis ang tingin ko kay Ashianna na nakikipag-usap na ngayon kay Lucas. Tila nagtatalo ang dalawa. Dahil kinuha ito ni Lucas mula sa grupo ng mga lalaking nasa swimming pool. Nagbabasaan at nagtatawanan. "Well, I personally bought your daughter a gift." Wika ni Ma'am Andra. Parang modelo itong naglakad patungo kina Lucas.Pagkatapos kong kumain, I took a bath and dried my hair afterwards. Mabilis kong ibinagsak ang sarili sa kama at kinapa ang cellphone sa maliit na table sa gilid.Me: Nakauwi ka na?I waited for her reply. Pero wala. Hindi man lamang gumalaw 'yung bubbles.Me: It's already 9:30. Not home yet?Napabangon ako. Lumabas ako saglit sa balcony at nagsindi ng sigarilyo.I dialed her number, there's a continuous ring at the other side but she's not answering.Me: It's fvcking 10pm now, sweetheart. Answer your damn phone.Ilang minuto lang, nagreply naman na si Ashianna. Ashianna: 13% na lang phone ko kanina. Hinatid naman ako nina Kiko. Don't ya worry.Me: Kiko? Who's dog is that?Ashianna: Dog? He's not a dog. He's my friend. Napamasahe ako sa sintido. Tutulog na nga lang, sasakit pa ang ulo."Who's Kiko?" Tanong ko nang sagutin ni Ashianna ang tawag."A friend, daddy. Kasama ko-""A friend, hmm... friend mo na nong high school?" Tanong ko. "No..." Ashianna answered. Parang may idudugsong
"Son, your papa and I are talking about having a vacation there in the Philippines, but your dad is super busy...Please, anak...Ikaw na lang ang bumisita sa'min dito. Miss na miss na kita...Look oh, my skin was not as healthy as before, ang dami ko ng wrinkles at kulubot na ang balat ko, matanda na ako, di mo ba ako balak man lang alagaan dito sa Melbourne, son?"Pagdadrama ni mama nang makausap ko sa video call. He was just in her late fifties. Talagang gusto lang nya na pumunta ako ng US para bisitahin sila."Mom, I told you last time..may trabaho ako dito. I'm teaching." I explained for over a million times already. Mom frowned. And I gave up."Fine, mom. Fine. Bibisita ako." Pagsuko ko. I was in the College of Arts and Sciences office when she called and kept on pestering my work. So I had to silenced her down by agreeing on what she's saying. It's not like I don't want to go to Us. Or I don't wanna visit them. Pabor pa nga 'yun para sakin dahil hindi nila kailangang umuwi at ma
Ilang minuto na akong nasa byahe, pero hindi pa rin nagcha-chat si Ashianna. I think she's mad. After what she freaking did. Ako dapat ang nagagalit ngayon. 'Don't be mad.' I typed while waiting for the stoplight to turn red. My thing hasn't calm down a bit. It only worsen when Ashianna's figure climbing on top of me flashed back on my mind. Mabilis kong iniliko ang kotse. At naglakad patungo sa condominium ni Andra. I parked my car away from the building. Walked unbothered and in a fast motion. I knocked impatiently on her door, can't hardly wait to satisfy my hunger. "Visarius?" Andra sexily greeted me. She's wearing a see-through dress showing her flawless body. She's always prepared. Sometimes I wonder, is it for me or for the other boys she's playing with. Mabilis kong itinulak ang pintuang kakaunti ang pagkakabukas. Kinuha ko ang braso ni Andra at hinila para maisandal sa pader. My kisses went rough. Madiin iyon at mapagparusa. "Sa-bi ko na ahh..babalik
Later that night, after hearing nothing from me. Ashianna vanished out of my sight and refused to leave her room. Kahit si Manang hindi nya kinakausap o pinapansin. She looks quite annoyed by what I've acted back in the car.And now, mom's pestering me. Begging me to visit them in New York. Things that she clearly knew I won't give a fuck."Son, ang tagal-tagal na naming hindi umuuwi. Your titos and titas are all here. Wala naman tayong relatives dyan. Kaya why don't you stay here instead, son?" Mahinahong pangungumbinsi ni mama. "Mom, we've talked about it many times. I'm good here. I'm already teaching in college." Napapagod na paliwanag ko.Kung dati, dinadahilan ko ang pag-aaral at pagrereview para sa board exam. Ngayon, pagtuturo naman ang ginagamit ko para lang hindi mapilit ni mama na sa ibang bansa na lang manirahan."Magbakasyon ka muna sa pagtuturo. Ilang taon ka na, wala ka pa ring. girlfriend." Mom emphasizes the last five words. As if it is the most essential thing I co
Ashianna's been busy, earlier until now. After her friends left, she went up to her room. And when she came down, she was carrying a tent, blanket, a pillow, and the teddy bear I gave her as a gift when she was young.She just passed by me on the sofa and headed straight to the garden. She's not running away, is she? Why is she bringing a tent? When she came back for the second time, she was carrying faded lights. She even stopped by the kitchen to get some food. "What are you up to?" I asked when I noticed her approaching where I was sitting. But she just passed by me again. On her third trip, she got another pillow and was already wearing her pajamas. "Hey, what's going on? What's with the back and forth?" I asked, coldly. I couldn't focus on the business magazine I was reading because of what she was doing. Ashianna didn't reply. Kaya naman, tumayo ako at saglit na inilapag ang dyaryo sa ibabaw ng coffee table."What's our problem?" I was all looking serious. Towering her sm
"Ayaw mong maging responsable sa nararamdaman ko pero kung tratuhin mo naman ako parang hindi mo anak." Matamlay na wika nito. Tila ba sinisisi ako kung paanong naging mabuting ama lamang naman ako sa kanya. I brought her home and lifestyle that her biological mother can't. I took care of her. From baby feeding to changing diapers. I barely slept when she was a baby, she'd cry nonstop every night. I sent her to school. Prepared her food. Fund and secured her future expenses. "Hindi tayo magkasing-edad lang, Ashianna. What you feel was just a puppy love, a hormonal influence on emotions during adolescent. It's normal but it's unacceptable." Nilingon ko si Ashianna. Nakasandal ito sa headrest ng kotse. "Kaya hindi mo'ko gusto?" "Ashianna, you- you're. my. daughter." Aabutin kami ng kung ilang oras na nakatigil sa gilid ng kalsada, kung paikot-ikot lang ang pag-uusap namin. Nandito ako para linawin ang mga bagay-bagay. Na hindi kami pwede, dahil bata pa sya at hindi ko m







