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COULD FEEL HIM BREATHING HARD

Author: Ray Nhedicta
last update Last Updated: 2026-01-06 18:33:02

Chapter 42

Aurelia

I was done waiting and done wondering and done letting fear hold me back from something I wanted so badly I could taste it.

And tonight when I saw him I was going to kiss him and I didn't care if it was forward or if it wasn't ladylike or if it made me seem desperate because the truth was I was desperate, desperate for him and for his touch and for the feeling of being wanted that I'd only experienced once two weeks ago.

I wasn't going to let fear control me anymore and I wasn't going to sit around hoping he'd eventually decide I was worth kissing again because I was worth it and I knew it and I needed him to know it too.

The old Aurelia would have waited forever and made herself small and convinced herself she didn't deserve to ask for what she wanted but the new Aurelia, the one Drey had helped me become, knew better and she was going to take what she wanted even if her hands shook while doing it.

He'd texted me earlier to meet him at eight tonight and said to d
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  • FOUR SHADES OF DREY   THIS HAD NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE

    Chapter 44Dreyven "What?" Her voice was small and confused and hurt."I said leave and go back to your dorm, we're done for tonight." I couldn't look at her because if I looked at her I might apologize and I might pull her back into my arms and I might do something I'd regret even more than what I'd already done."Drey, what's wrong and did I do something wrong and I'm sorry if I was too forward but I thought..." She was rambling and I could hear tears in her voice and I hated that it affected me and I hated even more that I wanted to comfort her."Just go, Aurelia." I used her full name deliberately because it created distance and it reminded both of us that whatever had just happened didn't mean anything.She sat there for another moment and I could feel her staring at me and waiting for an explanation I couldn't give, then she opened the door and got out, I heard her footsteps walking away and I finally allowed myself to breathe. The second she was out of sight I slammed my han

  • FOUR SHADES OF DREY   LIKE SHE'D BURNED ME

    Chapter 43DreyvenI'd decided to take tonight's shift because I needed to see for myself what the hell my brothers were losing their minds over. I needed to understand what it was about this girl that had Dreylen writing poetry in his fucking notes app and Drayton coming home with that stupid soft look on his face. She wasn't even my type and from everything I'd seen she was exactly the kind of weak, pathetic, attention-seeking girl I'd always despised and there was no way in hell I'd ever feel anything for her except the contempt she deserved for putting her hands on me that day.I'd told myself I was doing this for strategic reasons and that I needed to assess where we were in the plan and whether my brothers' feelings were going to compromise the endgame.But if I was being honest there was a part of me that was curious and that curiosity pissed me off because I shouldn't care and I shouldn't wonder.And I definitely shouldn't be sitting in this car waiting for her like some lov

  • FOUR SHADES OF DREY   COULD FEEL HIM BREATHING HARD

    Chapter 42Aurelia I was done waiting and done wondering and done letting fear hold me back from something I wanted so badly I could taste it.And tonight when I saw him I was going to kiss him and I didn't care if it was forward or if it wasn't ladylike or if it made me seem desperate because the truth was I was desperate, desperate for him and for his touch and for the feeling of being wanted that I'd only experienced once two weeks ago.I wasn't going to let fear control me anymore and I wasn't going to sit around hoping he'd eventually decide I was worth kissing again because I was worth it and I knew it and I needed him to know it too. The old Aurelia would have waited forever and made herself small and convinced herself she didn't deserve to ask for what she wanted but the new Aurelia, the one Drey had helped me become, knew better and she was going to take what she wanted even if her hands shook while doing it.He'd texted me earlier to meet him at eight tonight and said to d

  • FOUR SHADES OF DREY   I'D MADE A DECISION

    Chapter 41AureliaHalloween fell on a Thursday this year and the entire campus had been buzzing with costume plans and party invitations for the past week.But I barely noticed because all I could think about was Drey and how the past two weeks had been the sweetest, most confusing, most wonderful two weeks of my entire life. We'd been seeing each other almost every day but always in secret and always in places where no one else would find us and there was something thrilling about that secrecy, something that made every moment feel more intense and more precious because it belonged only to us.He never came to my classes and he never showed up in public places where people could see us together and at first I'd thought maybe he was embarrassed to be seen with me but then I realized it wasn't that at all.It was that he wanted to keep what we had private and protected from everyone else's opinions and judgments. When he picked me up it was always on his motorcycle with his helmet c

  • FOUR SHADES OF DREY   EVEN IF SHE CAN NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR IT

    CHAPTER 40Dreylen "I said, what if I don't want to do this anymore. What if I want out.""You don't get out." Dreyven's voice drops to something deadly. "We're brothers. We made a plan. You agreed to it. You don't get to back out now just because you caught feelings.""Why not?" I challenge. "This was your revenge plot, Ven. Not mine. I went along with it because you're my brother and I'd do anything for you. But I never wanted to hurt her. I told you that from the beginning.""Then you shouldn't have agreed to participate.""You're right. I shouldn't have." I look at each of my brothers. "But I did. And now I'm in too deep. And I don't know how to get out without destroying either her or us."Drayton sighs. "This is exactly what I was afraid of.""You're falling for her too, aren't you?" I look at him. "Don't pretend you're not. I've seen the way you look at her after training sessions. The way you talk about her progress like it actually matters to you."Drayton doesn't answer, bu

  • FOUR SHADES OF DREY   WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT ANYMORE?

    Chapter 39Aurelia "It's nothing bad," he adds quickly, reading my expression. "Just... I'm not perfect, Ari. I have things in my past I'm not proud of. Family complications you don't know about. There are parts of my life that are messy and complicated and sometimes I don't know how to navigate them.""I don't need you to be perfect," I say. "I just need you to be honest."Something flickers in his eyes. Guilt? Conflict? It's gone before I can name it."I'm trying," he says quietly. "I'm trying to be honest. About how I feel. About what this is. I just need you to know that my life isn't simple. And getting involved with me means accepting that there are things I can't explain right away."Warning bells should be going off in my head. This sounds like the beginning of a Julian situation—secret girlfriend, hidden agenda, elaborate lies.But when I look in his eyes, all I see is genuine conflict. Real emotion. Not manipulation."Everyone has complications," I say. "I'm certainly not s

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