MATEO
I’m high out of my mind. It’s a good kind – borderline euphoric where everything seems funny and unimportant now. A distant concern. I take another hit, leaning against the wall and staring up at the ceiling from my place on the floor. I barely react when my door swings open, hardly registering the boy tiptoeing down my stairs at midnight.
“You could knock, you know,” is all I say as Kieran stares at me. Or maybe I just think it. I don’t know, nor do I care.
Kieran looks at me with those furrowed eyebrows of his as he walks over. It seems like he’s moving throu
KIERANI try to catch Mateo’s eye, but either the school-provided food is really interesting, or he’s ignoring me. Our friends give us a wide berth, shuffled to the end of the table, loudly talking as if to fill the void of mine and Mateo’s voices. Even Lana, who’s usually hanging off of Mateo like a bat, sits far away with pursed lips. I briefly wonder if Mateo told her what’s wrong before my conscious reminds me that it’s none of my business. I feel guilty for being jealous of her – especially since I’m the one having sex her boyfriend. She’s been nothing but kind to me, and she’s always looking out for me. When Cordelia
MATEOI can’t look at him. I can’t.Every time I do, I get the urge to pull him in and never let go. This feeling of warmth blooms inside my chest, burning me in the most pleasant way, but knowing what it means – what I feel – I… I can’t.I can’t let myself love him. I can’t let myself fall for a guy. Not now, not him. I’ll ruin him. I can’t even be with him! Everything within me screams at me to end things, to cut i
KIERANMateo crowds himself into the corner of his room, legs tangled in his blankets as tears stream down his face. Harsh sobs wrack his frame, coming out in rasps and gulps. His room is a mess – bed completely bare and random objects flung around the room. The lamp that usually lies on his desk is in pieces beside it. His series of framed photos that resides on his dresser lie on the ground, cracked. One of him and Lana on their first date is absolutely shattered. I gingerly pick my way across to him, watching out for any glass shards.I had come as soon as I got his call. He had worried me this afternoon with how distant he had been and how suddenly he had
MATEOWhen I wake up, Kieran’s gone. I don’t think much of it – today we have a match against our rival school, Milton High. It’s the first one of the season too, so the pressure’s on, especially for Kieran. He’s our star striker, whereas I’m only a defender. He may be barely 5’4”, but he’s the fastest player on our team. If anything, his height is an advantage, as most opposing players don’t think much of him until he’s quite literally stealing the ball from your feet. He’s fearless like that – utterly unafraid of collisions since most people will back off at the sight of him flying at them.I had made the mistake of underestimating him at tryout
KIERANIt had been a week since Mateo and I unofficially-officially started this thing. He had explained to me that he didn’t want to tell anyone yet, especially since Lana was still avoiding our group like the plague. She still greets us in the hallways though, and Mateo had told me that they’re in the process of reconciliation, which is all the more reason to keep this under wraps. I respect that, but it’s getting harder and harder to hide how much I like him. Our friends have noticed that I’ve been happier lately, and every time they ask why, I want to blurt the words out. I’m so happy with him, even if I’m not technically with him yet.
MATEOKieran is so pretty.For some reason, Rob isn’t here this period, so Kieran and I get to sit side-by-side. There’s only the three of us in Chemistry, but the desks are for two, so we’ll usually rotate who sits alone, and it was supposed to be my turn today. It’s unlike Rob to wag, but I pay it no mind. I’m glad things have worked out in my favour, as I haven’t seen Kiki all morning and I’m not sure I could last another class without him.Maybe it’s worrying how codependent I am a
MATEOLucas laughs at something Kieran says, and I have to fight the urge to tell him to shut up. The pitch of his laugh is obnoxiously high, and he hasn’t stopped doing it all afternoon. The two of them have been inseparable all day because he “needs a guide” and whatever other bullshit he fed to Kieran. Apparently, the two of them had been best friends in middle school, but he really should be clued into the fact that he’s been replaced. I can’t believe I agreed to this, but regardless, I’m sat alone on the opposite side of a table to the two of them in some shitty diner waiting for my food. Kieran and Lucas already got theirs, as the owner remembered the two of them and made sure to serve his “best customers” straight away.From what I’ve picked up,
KIERANWitnessing an awkward exchange is possibly the worst fate there is. I pick at the thread-bare cushions of Mateo’s couch as the birthday boy himself opens his front door. When he had gotten Lana’s text, he had grimaced and told me he wasn’t actually sure if she was coming until this moment. I’m a little surprised myself, but I guess it’d be worse if she didn’t show. The two of them have spent nearly every birthday together – I think the one exception was the time Mateo’s family visited Italy for all of December.I watch as Mateo steps aside to let Lana in, but the girl goes in for a hug. Mateo had lamented to me about th