KIERAN
The week after, I feel hollow. All the emotions I’ve held onto for the past however many months have finally been released in one draining flood, and now all I can really feel is weariness. Mum offered to let me stay home this morning – I would’ve accepted, but she had work and May had school, and I’ve already missed most of last week.
Besides, what I really need right now is a healthy dose of Lana, Alyssa, Alex and Rob to cheer me up. Mum drops me off early as usual, and I wander through the desolate school grounds. The depressing grey paths lead me away from the half-melted, half-muddied slush and into the slightly warmer but somehow quieter buildings. My limbs weigh me dow
KIERANFor about two hours now, I’ve been sitting on Mateo’s front-step, waiting for his parents to come home. Every time I hear someone walk by, my head snaps up in a wide-eyed panic, before I remember that Mateo doesn’t live here anymore. That starts the whole cycle of misery again until I distract myself with some crappy ad-filled game.I go back and forth with that and with my conversation with Lucas on Instagram – he’s trying to organise details for this weekend, and I’m being spectacularly unhelpful. Not by choice, mind you, simply because someone else will walk by and my attention will be broken once more. I think we settle on a time, and I’m pretty sure he&r
MATEOI quietly push open the door to Alex’s bedroom. It creaks open to reveal the owner in question sitting on the edge of his bed, phone in hand. He jumps away from the bed and marches across the room, standing in front of me with his arms crossed.“Where were you last night? I’ve been calling you for hours!” His concern is touching, though he hides it behind his frustration. I’m glad we’re at this stage now rather than the hell-like limbo we were in before – where he was obligated to hate me, and I was obligated to accept it. The past month had been lonely – only Lana had attempted to t
MATEOAn incessant buzzing brings me from my sleep. I groan, throwing a hand over my eyes to block out the harsh sunlight as I blindly search for my phone somewhere within my sheets. Whoever’s calling me this early in the morning better have a good excuse, because my dream self was eating a massive New York-style pizza. Before you ask, I don’t know how early it is since I still haven’t found my phone, but if I’m feeling this awful and I can hear birds singing, then you know it’s too early.My phone falls silent, and I let myself believe that this means I can rest. Nope – not a second later and it starts up again. I finally pry open my eyes, squinting against the sunlight and trying to shake the
KIERAN“Are you an idiot?” I yell into the microphone on my headset for the billionth time. Rob had just gotten himself blown up by a creeper, leaving me alone in the mineshaft we had slowly been making our way through. We’ve been playing Minecraft together for the past few hours, and this kid doesn’t know anything! I’m honestly losing my mind, but there isn’t anything else to do. All my other friends are asleep. I can’t blame them, with it being 4a.m. and all. Honestly, I think Rob’s only stayed up this late because he feels sorry for me.Usually, I’d be on a call with Cordelia, but obviously, that ship has sailed. That’s probably why he’s put up with me yelling a
KIERANI should’ve told him.There’s a particular type of heartbreak that comes along when your crush tries to set you up. It’s that innocent kind of misunderstanding that hurts all the more. It hurts because it’s a confirmation of what you already knew – that you are not and were never an option.“So,” Mateo says, grinning like he hasn’t reached his hands into my chest, ripped out my heart, punctured it with his talons, torn it into two jagged halves, pierced it with a sewing needle to thread it back up, and shoved it back in between my lungs back-to-front, “she’s pretty cute,
MATEO“So.”“So,” Lana, Rob and Alex echo.“So?” Kieran replies, shrugging at us through the screen.The five of us are FaceTiming now that Kieran’s back from his date. He had been M.I.A ever since school let out for the day and hadn’t once texted to let us know how it was going. I had figured that it meant it was going really well and so I expected him to be ecstatic, but he looks only mildly happy.
MATEOI’m high out of my mind. It’s a good kind – borderline euphoric where everything seems funny and unimportant now. A distant concern. I take another hit, leaning against the wall and staring up at the ceiling from my place on the floor. I barely react when my door swings open, hardly registering the boy tiptoeing down my stairs at midnight.“You could knock, you know,” is all I say as Kieran stares at me. Or maybe I just think it. I don’t know, nor do I care. Kieran looks at me with those furrowed eyebrows of his as he walks over. It seems like he’s moving throu
KIERANI try to catch Mateo’s eye, but either the school-provided food is really interesting, or he’s ignoring me. Our friends give us a wide berth, shuffled to the end of the table, loudly talking as if to fill the void of mine and Mateo’s voices. Even Lana, who’s usually hanging off of Mateo like a bat, sits far away with pursed lips. I briefly wonder if Mateo told her what’s wrong before my conscious reminds me that it’s none of my business. I feel guilty for being jealous of her – especially since I’m the one having sex her boyfriend. She’s been nothing but kind to me, and she’s always looking out for me. When Cordelia