The Two Fs

I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell him to go away, that I wasn't in the mood for… him. At the same time, I wanted to tell him to come in and just be here. Instead, I said… nothing. 

He was silent, and I thought I would hear his receding footsteps. But I didn't. What I heard was the dull thud of his back hitting the door. I squeezed my eyes shut, hugging my legs tighter.

We stayed in silence like that for a while, and then I asked in a barely audible voice, “How long do you think your mother will be married to my father?” 

No answer came, and I thought he didn't hear me, but then: “I don't know.” 

“What…” I swallowed. “What happens when you leave?”

He went quiet. 

“Jackson?”

“I don't know, Siri. But for tonight, I'm here.” 

Silence again. I stood up slowly, and my door unlocked with a soft click. I opened it slowly, and he stood there, already staring at me. I stared back before I stepped aside. He stepped in, and I shut the door, watching as he stood in the center of the room like he did the first day, and yet… It seems like so much has changed between us since then.

“Hi, darling,” he said softly, and my heart skipped that stupid beat.

I looked away. “Hi, too.”

“Are you just going to stand there?”

“Are you?”

He sat at the edge of my bed. I slowly sat on the chair near my bed, still not staring at him. 

“What are you doing here? They’re not asleep yet.”

“They’re not, but I'm sure they’ll think nothing of a brother checking up on his sister after her father was a dick to her.”

I raised my head and gave him a look. “Seriously?”

His expression was serious. “Seriously.” 

I sighed deeply. “We can’t be alone together in this house, Jackson.” 

“I know.”

“And yet you’re still here.”

“And yet I'm still here.” He stared at me, that intense look back in his eyes. “Why are you so far from me, my dearest?” 

I couldn't help but scoff at the dramatic tone in his voice. His eyes twinkled. He tapped the space beside him. “Come on.”

I stared at his hand on the bed before I stared at him. He nodded towards the bed, and I stood up with a sigh. I sat beside him, keeping a distance, but he wasn't having that. He shifted closer, his side completely pressed to mine. He took my hand, interlocking our fingers and placing both hands on his thigh. 

I stared at our joined hands. “You know… I did some research, and fuck buddies don't act this way with each other.”

He scoffed. “No. But Siri and Jackson do.”

I raised my head to him. “I meant what I said last night, Jackson.” 

“I know you did, and I agreed. What’s so harmful about holding hands? I still want to be your friend, you know. There’s nothing wrong with mixing friendship and fucking. The two Fs.”

I shook my head as I scoffed. “You’re a menace.”

“Take one to know one.” 

When I chuckled, he smiled, that same smile he’d given me at the arena, and my heart slammed against my ribcage. 

I never thought a man could be beautiful until I met this prick. Everything about the shape of his brows, to his straight nose, and the little bow on his lips made him look so unreal.

Was this what someone looked like when they’d been made with love?

“That look in your eyes, Siri,” he muttered, his voice suddenly raspy. 

I swallowed. “What look?”

“That look that makes me want to lean down and kiss you senseless.”

“What’s stopping you?”

His eyes grew dark. “Because it won't just stop on a kiss, love. And have you seen where we are?”

“We… we will be quiet.”

I wasn't going to admit this to him, but from the moment our eyes met in the arena, I've been having all kinds of thoughts about him. And watching him play so aggressively and beautifully did nothing but fuel those thoughts. 

Last night has haunted me in the most beautiful way all through my day. I wanted to feel his hands on me again, in all the places I've hid and hated. I wanted… God, I wanted him to look at me the way he did last night. I wanted him to–

Jackson kissed me. 

His lips came from nowhere, in a flash, and crashed on mine with a force that made me taste blood, but that only fueled the kiss. I was already panting, and we had just started. He ripped his hand away from mine and cupped the side of my face, his palm warm. 

I turned my body towards him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and throwing one of my legs over his. He let go of my face and grabbed my leg, raising it higher, and his large hand moved up to my thigh. Even through the clothes, his touch burned into my skin.

His lips moved from top to bottom, sucking on each lip, his tongue snaking into my mouth and curling around my tongue. 

“I could see those thoughts behind your eyes, Siri,” he rasped when we broke the kiss to catch our breath.

I scoffed softly. “No, you don’t.”

His face was so close to mine that I felt the intensity of his words on my lips. “Yes, I bloody do. And the things those thoughts are doing to me…”

My arms tightened around his neck. “Tell me.”

He smirked. “No.”

He shifted, still holding my thigh, and pulled me deeper into the bed. His hands moved up to the waistband of my pants. I raised my hips, helping him take it off. My sweater came off next. When I was just in my underwear, he settled on top of me, shifting his weight to his elbow beside my head. 

When I felt his cock pressing into my core from his jeans, I moved my hips.

He grinned as his breath hitched. “What a naughty girl you are.”

He shifted again, taking his weight off me, and he was leaning beside me on the bed. Before I could mourn the loss of his weight on me, I felt his finger teasing around my core.

“How wet are you?” he whispered, his eyes hot on mine.

I wiggled my hips. “Why don’t you find out?”

That smile again. “Let’s find out then.”