Chapter Five

Nick Spencer swam back to consciousness, feeling nothing but fuzzy and blank. He didn’t mind, though, because he knew that these seconds – these dark, dim seconds – were the final ones that he had before he went over a line that he’d been dreading crossing.

But it had to be crossed.

When Nick had gone under the anesthetic, he had done so with two whole, entire legs. And now he had one whole, entire leg and one… not.

Yeah, he was going to cherish these last few, precious seconds before reality came crashing on down and in. Before he had to open his eyes and look down the length of his body.

And see what he was now missing. What he’d be missing forever.

“Nick?”

He turned to the voice, responding to his Mom’s worry. He cracked his eyes open. Blinked.

“Nick? Honey?” He felt a soft hand on his hair, smoothing it back, and marvelled that Moms could make almost everything better with a single touch. Almost. “You awake?”

“Yeah,” he grunted.

“How are you doing?” his Mom asked quietly, still stroking his dark-blond hair. “You feel sick?”

Nick shut his eyes again, trying to actually feel his body. For over a decade now, he’d had perfect command and total control over it, as he’d practiced karate religiously, first as a tool to kill the men who had killed his girlfriend, and then as a discipline worthy of respect. Over the course of all those years, Nick had learned how to use his body, to harness its immense power, and then to make it move in ways that were both lethal and beautiful.

Now, though, his body felt – strange. Unbalanced and off-kilter. He felt an absence, a void, and his heart sank as he fully realized for the first time that he’d be feeling it for the rest of his life. Where there had once been muscle and tissue and bone, now there was just air. Emptiness.

Nothingness.

He opened his eyes again, focused on Marnie. “I feel OK, Mom.”

“Yeah?” his Dad boomed from the other side of the bed. “You need some water?”

Nick managed a tiny grin at his father. The man was half-deaf and refused to acknowledge it – refused to even let Marnie or Nick suggest any kind of hearing aid – so he shouted pretty much all the time. Normally, it drove Nick up the wall, but right now, as he fought his way back to full consciousness, the added volume helped him reconnect with the world around him.

“Yeah, please,” Nick rasped, his throat like sandpaper. “That’d be good.”

Will poured a glass of water, then gently – more gently than Nick would have thought possible from this gruff man – he helped his son to sit up. He kept his large hand on Nick’s shoulder as he drank, then took the cup and eased Nick back to the mattress.

Nick sighed, stared at his parents. They stared right on back, waiting.

“Mia?” Nick said at last, wondering if she’d finally come to her senses and run for the hills. God knows, he wasn’t the strong, sexy man that she’d fallen for once upon a time. Not anymore. “She gone?”

“You gotta be kidding me,” Will said. “She’s here. The hospital rule is that you can only have two visitors at a time, and she insisted that we be here when you woke up from surgery. Said she’d wait.”

“Oh.” He looked away from their knowing eyes. “Right.”

“You want to see her, honey?” Marnie asked.

“No,” Nick said immediately. “No. Not yet.”

“OK,” Will said, showing remarkable patience and restraint. “When you’re ready.”

Nick nodded and despite himself, his eyes dropped to his legs stretched out in front of him. The bed sheets gave the game away completely, as he saw the indentations made by his legs clearly. One leg was significantly shorter than the other, and he just gazed at the proof that it had happened and for real.

While he’d been out cold, someone had taken away a part of him.

“Nick?”

He jerked his head up to look at his Mom. “Yeah?”

“You OK?”

He looked down again, studying the way that the thin sheet lay flat on one side of his body, covered a strong, muscular limb on the other. “Yeah.”

His parents exchanged looks across the bed, and he saw them do it. He pretended not to, though, since he was suddenly fighting down the urge to roar his rage to the world.

Fuck, it was unfair. He’d spent much of the past few months asking Why me? of course, and he’d played every angle of the Bargaining Game imaginable: save my leg, and I’ll never complain about anything ever again. Save my leg, and I’ll volunteer every single Saturday at the local youth centre. Save my leg, and I’ll finally ask Mia to marry me because God knows, putting it off for this long has been a huge fucking mistake.

Nothing doing, though. He’d played the game and he’d lost, big-time. Go to jail, don’t pass go, don’t collect your two hundred dollars. Just sit here with your one leg and think about your life choices, and ponder what the hell the rest of your life will look like.

Nick was pushing thirty-five years old, and had no idea what his life was going to look like from this point on. All he knew for certain was that it wasn’t going to look much like the one that he’d led until the day before.

“Nick?”

Aware that time had passed as he’d lain there lost in thought, Nick glanced up yet again, this time with a frown. He was surprised to see that his Dad was alone with him, and he blinked around the room.

“Where’s Mom?”

“She went to tell everyone that you’re awake. They’re down in the cafeteria, probably drinking the world’s worst coffee. Prepare for the stampede.”

Panic gripped him now. “Mia will come in soon.”