Chapter Three

She slid over a bit to make room for his massive body on the bench next to her. “Sure. Be my guest.”

“Thanks.” Adam sank down, stretched his long, muscled legs in front of him, half-turned his huge upper body to her. “You doing OK?”

“Mmm-hmmm.”

“Liar,” he said softly.

Mia jumped, shocked. “What?”

“You heard me, Mia. You’re lying. All you’ve done for the past three weeks is lie about being fine.” He paused. “And I know why.”

“Oh, yeah?” she said, the anger rising again.

“Yeah. It’s the same reason that I’ve been lying.”

That surprised her, and she stared at him. “You have?”

“I have,” he said heavily. “I’ve been a fucking guilt-ridden wreck, Mia, and I haven’t said a word about it to anyone.”

“Not even Katie?” Mia asked cautiously, not sure that she should call attention to her friend quite yet, seeing what had just happened upstairs.

“Nope. Not even Katie.” His eyes met hers now. “By the way, she was way out of line back there and I told her so, in no uncertain terms. God knows that I love her more than I’ve ever loved anything, but sometimes the woman has no filter, and she picked the worst possible time to have that conversation. She owes you an apology, and you’ll get it.”

“Oh,” she stammered. “No. No, she doesn’t –”

“She does,” Adam said in an insistent tone. “So let her.”

“OK.” Mia bit her lip. “So… why have you been lying about being fine?”

“Because,” Adam said succinctly. “I feel like I let Nick down.”

Mia fell totally silent. Good Lord, was the man a mind-reader or what?

Adam saw her face go still and he carried on. “Nick and I have been friends for over a decade, Mia. We competed together and we run a business together, and by now, I think of him as my brother. I thought – I thought that he trusted me, that he knew that he could come to me with anything. But he didn’t say one word to me about what was going on with him… not one goddamn word.”

“I know.”

“And I keep asking myself why? Why didn’t he talk to me? Why didn’t he trust me?”

“Adam,” she began, but he cut her off.

“No, hon.” He shook his head, a hard, sharp gesture. “Let me talk about this, OK? I need to.”

“OK,” she whispered.

“I keep wondering what the hell I did wrong.” Adam stared down at his hands now. “I mean, I asked him what was happening with him, but he avoided answering my questions. Why didn’t I push harder? I knew that something was way wrong between the two of you, but I didn’t come to you. Why didn’t I? I knew that he was limping and in pain, but I accepted his transparently-bullshit excuses about some new student kicking him by accident. Why? Why did I?”

Mia shook her head, wordless.

“And now here we are,” Adam said. “I know that nothing I could have done would have changed this outcome, but I still think that I could have been there for Nick, you know? He didn’t have to go through all those weeks alone and in pain… but he did. He chose to be alone with his secret and his fear, instead of talking to me. His brother.” Adam sighed. “Why? What did I do – or not do – to make him keep this from me? Why didn’t he ask me for help?”

“I don’t know.” Mia’s voice trembled and Adam looked at her. “But I wonder the same thing. About me, I mean.”

Adam nodded slowly. “I know you do. And that’s why I understand what you’re doing now.”

“What are you talking about?” she faltered.

“I’m talking about being there for Nick for the past three weeks, to the point that you’re tying yourself in knots and hurting yourself.”

“I’m not –”

“You are.” His eyes were steel as he gazed at her, not accepting one second of her feeble excuses. “You’re punishing yourself for Nick not confiding in you – though that was his call, not yours. I know that you pushed him to talk to you and he refused to do it, but you’re beating yourself up about it badly. Not eating, not sleeping, not talking to your friends, not allowing yourself to cry or hurt about how things are going to change for you. Spending hours and hours on the laptop and on the phone, desperately looking for an answer that just doesn’t exist. It’s self-punishment for some mythical failure on your part, hon, plain and simple. And you’ve been doing it ever since he finally told you the truth.”

Mia felt tears burning and she averted her eyes, wishing like hell that he’d say his piece and go away. But he wasn’t done.