3

3

Sidney sat in her idling car, wringing her hands around the steering wheel. The early morning sun glared through her windshield, glinting along the cracks reaching out across the glass. She squinted behind her sunglasses but kept her fingers gripped to the wheel. The minutes closed in around her, banging away in time with her throbbing heartbeat.

She hated coming to Aiden’s.

He still lived in the small house they had purchased when Cameron was learning how to walk—the house in which they had been a family. After all the renovations he had made over the subsequent years, he had said she would have to pry the keys from his cold, dead fingers. If only it was all of those tireless renovations that had ended their marriage.

As time collapsed on her and she ran out of seconds to stall, she took a deep breath and tapped her forehead on the steering wheel. Then she yanked the door handle and forced her steps to the front porch where Cameron used to color with sidewalk chalk in the summer. She poked the doorbell then wrapped her arms tightly around herself, fingertips crawling around her ribcage.

Aiden’s shape appeared behind the screen. He extended his arm to open the main door, but his shadow remained faceless as he kept his eyes down. The form did not even hesitate before walking back into the house without acknowledging her. His footsteps thumped in the hallway as he kept his shoulders rounded like an angry and pouting child.

“Cameron,” he hollered down the hallway, “your mother is here.”

Sidney reached out and let her fingertips touch the handle on the screen door. Her heart pounded harder. She heard it in her ears as her chest tightened, like it always did now at this house. She almost tightened her grip to open the door, then let her hand fall back to her side. She returned her clutch to her ribs and pressed her teeth to the inside of her lips.

She heard Cameron’s footsteps slapping the floor before she glimpsed him bounding toward the door. His shoelaces fluttered untied on the ground beside him, and his backpack bounced on one shoulder. Aiden intercepted him in a quick embrace, pressing a kiss into his hair then releasing him.

“Momma!” Cameron cried as he pushed the screen open.

“Good morning, baby,” Sidney said, grabbing him in a hug as she walked off the porch.

Aiden slammed the door firmly behind them. She felt the impact echo on her skeleton.

“How was your weekend with Daddy, baby?” Sidney said as they settled into the car.

“Really good!” Cameron clicked his seatbelt and sat up excitedly on the backseat. “We did monster trucks!”

Sidney tried not to let her deflation show on her face. She stretched her smile tighter and tried to, instead, bask in the presence of her child. She forced the thoughts away of how she spent her time with him at school drop-off and baseball practice and homework while his father got to be fun and bring him to things like monster trucks. Things that made his smile impossibly big, as it was now in the rearview mirror.

“That’s awesome, Cam,” she managed. “Did Daddy pack you a lunch today, bud?”

Cameron furrowed his brow for a moment then reached over and opened his backpack.

“Nope,” he replied.

Sidney felt the rage flicker deep in her chest. She tightened her grip on the steering wheel and pushed thin breaths out between her lips, clutching until the tension dissipated.

“But I have my baseball bag, Mom,” he said.

“Did Daddy put a snack and a water bottle in there?”

“Nope.”

Sidney continued to strangle the steering wheel. Her breath whistled through her lips as she pulled them taunt over her teeth. She did not realize how tightly she was flinching until her forearms began to tremble. Below her writhing frustration, images rolled unmediated through her mind.

“Momma,” Cameron said from the backseat, far away. “Momma? Momma!” Louder until he was shouting.

“What?” Sidney snapped.

“That’s the turn! You’re missing my school.”

“Oh shit!”

Throwing a frantic glance toward her blind spot, Sidney yanked the wheel and sent the small car careening toward the turn. The oncoming van slammed on its brakes, driver flailing as they skidded by. A horn behind her wailed angrily. On the smaller residential street, she slowed the car to approach the drop-off line as if she had not almost landed herself in the middle of a traffic accident. Her heart banged in her chest as she unwound the tension coiled in her back.

“Momma, we almost died!” Cameron yelled. “Daddy is going to think it’s so funny.”

The stress knotted back up along Sidney’s spine. Quiet fury broiled over her stomach, gnashing unhappily in its hunger. The file of cars crawled along the blacktop, bumpers flirting with each other. Every time her foot pressed on the brake, the irritation swelled in her chest.

“Here, baby,” Sidney said, as they approached the curb. “Take this money for your lunch. There are a couple dollars you can use in the vending machine for a snack and a water. Don’t forget your baseball bag. I’ll pick you up after practice tonight.”

Cameron spotted a couple of his friends milling around the planters outside the front of the school. He kept his eyes locked on the group of boys as he snatched the bills from his mother’s hand and dove out the door.

“Have a good day,” Sidney said to his backpack.

The car door slammed in her face.

“I love you,” she said to herself.

She did not have time to wallow in the echo of the slamming car door. She squealed from the curb, avoiding eye contact with the scowling teacher aide in an orange vest brandishing a STOP sign. The line of parents streamed into the gap she left to filter through the parking lot. Sidney retreated back into her mind, coasting to work on autopilot.

She parked her car behind the store and glanced at the clock. With eleven fading minutes between her and opening, she turned off the engine and unlatched her seatbelt. She released a pent-up breath and dug her phone from her purse.

Sidney: Started this morning off with a strong mom fail.

Pick up more wine on your way home?

She knew Kendra would not answer for hours, but somehow it felt better to send the message now, to say it to someone.

Adam: Good morning

Sidney: Monday is already kicking my ass.

Adam: It is brutal. What happened?

Sidney: Just picked up my kid. Ex didn’t send him with any food. Almost missed the turn for school and nearly killed us. Now at hell . . .

Sidney: I mean, work.

Adam: That’s a hell of a start.

Sidney: I hate this place.

Adam: I know you do. Get more advertisers for your website and get that blog going so you can quit!

Sidney smiled to herself and felt a little farther away than the cell phone store parking lot. A double vibration cued that she had more messages on another platform.

Oliver: Hi sexy

Sidney: Hey there

Oliver: Let me see you this morning.

Sidney: I’m just heading into work.

Oliver: Doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you.

Sidney opened her camera app and lifted the phone slightly above her head. She let a sly smile tease her lips and stared into the lens. Then she sent the selfie.

Oliver: Gorgeous

Sidney rocked the nail of her index finger along her bottom teeth. The distractions swept her further away until the moments closed in around her. She slipped the phone into her back pocket and went to open the store.

The store sat dark and quiet as Sidney’s keys rattled and scratched against the metal doorframe. Sidney shoved the glass door inward, sending jagged reflections of the morning sun violently across the carpet. She sucked in a deep breath of yesterday’s recycled air. It tasted the same as it did every morning—like disappointment. She choked a bit on the stale and familiar aroma before falling into the worn foot patterns on the flattened carpet.

As she settled into her shift, the sunlight crawled lazily across the floor, inching toward the base of the display cases until the mechanical chime signaled the opening door.

“What’s up, Sidney?” Seth greeted her, letting a heavy emphasis drag out the first half of her name.

“Morning, Seth.” Sidney pushed herself away from the counter and clasped her hands in front her waist. “You know you’re ten minutes late, right?”

Seth slipped his phone out of the pocket of his impossibly skinny black jeans and lit it up to read the time. The fitted cuffs of his pants strangled his legs down to his brightly laced high-top sneakers.

“Yeah, you’re right, boss lady,” Seth flashed her a broad smile. “I’m sorry, Sidney. I met this new girl last night. You know how it goes.” He continued to flash his childish grin at her as he moved toward the door to the storage room.

“I have to write you up next time,” Sidney said, shaking her head.

“Oh, come on,” Seth mock-whined. “I wouldn’t have to go through all these girls if you would just finally go out with me.”

A laugh erupted from Sidney, full and wholehearted.

“Seth, I am way too old for you. Plus, I’m technically your boss.”

“So you keep saying,” Seth joked. “But think of all the things you could teach me.”

“I’m about to teach you with a write-up.”

“Yes, ma’am!” Seth snapped to attention, laughing, and disappeared into the back to stow his backpack.

As the door clicked shut behind him, Sidney giggled to herself and shook her head. Seth was borderline worthless as an employee, and she knew his flirtations were a complete farce, yet he had a way of keeping her distracted from the claustrophobia she always felt within these walls.

By the time Seth joined her among the counters of dancing smartphone screens, she had posted herself behind the register, leaning back as she waited for disgruntled customers. Seth already had his nose in his touchscreen. Sidney’s phone found its home in her hand. She scrolled through her notifications. An unimpressive number had racked up in the brief morning hour since she left the parking lot.

She tapped her memo app and scrolled through her half-constructed blog post ideas: the tragic devolution of vampires in the horror genre; the best and the worst of the found footage horror explosion; the best indie horror out of this year’s film festival circuit; scream queens to watch, the new horror badasses and final girls. She tapped her nail on the edge of her phone case as she formulated the sentences in her mind. Then the phone vibrated against her palm.

Brady: And the likes keep coming!

Bloody bathtub for the win!

See you at yoga.

The day dissolved around her, the same as all the others spent under the florescent lights. Eight then nine then ten hours swallowed by monotony. Sidney happily resigned her managerial responsibilities to Seth and practically sprinted back to her car. She had precious minutes to race back before the end of Cameron’s baseball practice. The sun began to die in the sky around her as she retraced her near-catastrophic commute earlier in the day.

Sidney threw her car into park and ejected herself from the seat. She slammed the door behind her, not even bothering to lock it as she leaned into quick steps toward the grass. The cars along the edge of the field were scarce. The pack of children had been reduced to a few stragglers still insistent on running the same dirt they had been playing on for the last hour. Several parents hovered menacingly around the coach as he gathered up stray bats behind home plate. Her heart flexed in her chest, climbed up into her throat. She was late.

Sidney spotted Cameron at the edge of the dirt, his bag slung over his shoulder. His back to her, he stared out at the empty field.

“Shit,” Sidney breathed to herself as she walked faster and plastered a smile on her face.

The thick smell of impending rain swept across the lush carpet of park grass. Clouds gathered around the sun’s retreat behind the mountains. Sidney closed her eyes as her steps squished across the field and she pulled the aroma back into her lungs. Something about it smelled like her childhood. As she ascended the small slope beside the field, Cameron finally caught sight of her. He did not move to meet her. He made her come all the way to him.

“Hey, Sidney!” one of the lingering mothers said as she approached.

“Hey, Kate,” Sidney returned, slowing her steps to loiter beside her.

“You look awfully clean for someone who has been bathing in blood,” Kate laughed.

Internally, Sidney rolled her eyes at the shallow quip, yet she smiled.

“Someone has been on Facebook.”

“Instagram, but yes. That picture is crazy! I’m just scrolling through my feed of kids at the park and people’s lunches and bam! There you are naked and covered in blood. Very bold, girl. I’m just glad none of the kiddos were peering over my shoulder. I wouldn’t want to have that talk yet.”

Sidney chuckled, good-heartedly. Beneath her shirt, her back muscles contracted.

“Are there more bloody pictures coming?” Kate continued. “You know, so I know to keep my scrolling out of sight of the kiddos.”

“Yeah, my friend and I did an entire shoot, and he’s been editing a lot of them.”

“Oh, how exciting. What are you going to use them for?”

“Just more articles and promotions and clickbait and stuff.”

Sidney glanced across the field. Cameron stared into her with his arms crossed, shifting his weight from leg to leg.

“Uh oh,” Sidney said. “I’m getting the eye.”

Kate looked over at Cameron, smiled, and waved at him.

“He did great today,” Kate reported. “He caught the most impressive pop fly.”

“Oh, you were here for practice?”

“Yeah, I like to come watch. It’s just so important that the kiddos know we are here to support them. Got to be here for every little thing.” She paused, leveling her gaze at Sidney. “It matters.”

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Sidney turned and allowed her eyes to roll freely.

“All week, then the game on Saturday,” Kate piped.

“Have a good night, Kate.”

Sidney shook the exchange loose as it echoed in her head. Something about the baseball moms inspecting her naked, blood-soaked body made her stomach tense. She pictured them wrinkling their noses, tapping their finger on the bulge Brady had not managed to hide. She heard them whispering to each other about how disturbing and sad it was that she felt the need to post these pictures. Imagining her pictures being consumed seemed more exciting when she envisioned anonymous readers on the internet. She let these real and live comments slide off the back of her brain and turned her focus to Cameron.

“Hey, bud,” she said, lightly shaking his shoulder. “How was practice? Kate said you caught a pop fly today.”

“You’re late,” Cameron replied. “All the other moms are here. You’re never here on time.”

Sidney’s heart dropped out of her chest. “I know, bud. I got here as fast as I could after work.”

“I’m really hungry, Mom.” Cameron hung his head as he began trudging toward the car.

“I bet you are. Did you get to buy some lunch?”

“Yeah, but no snack.”

“Well, let’s get home and get you some dinner.” Sidney tugged Cameron’s bag from his shoulder and hoisted it onto her own. “Shit! We still don’t have groceries.”

Cameron sighed exasperated and tossed his arms.

“Pizza or Chinese?” Sidney asked.

“Chinese,” Cameron mumbled.

Chinese, of course. What his father always wanted to order on Friday nights.