Chapter 6 - Misery

AMBER.

“Everything is about you! I tried for so long, but this is where it all led me to! I regret that night! And I hate you!” Zach was growling, his hand continuously pounding on his thigh as blood soaked his pants. 

“Stop! Please…” I slowly sank to my knees. “Please, Zach…”

“Get out! Or I won’t stop doing this!” His eyes dilated, and I knew he meant what he was saying. 

I scampered to my feet, tears rolling down my cheeks as I stepped outside his room, closing the door before I ran to the nearest balcony. 

I stood there, hands holding onto the railing as I looked up at the moon. She was the only witness to my misery tonight. I didn’t stop myself from crying to her. 

“How much more pain will you give me?” I couldn’t breathe. The pain in my heart was unbearable. I thought I had felt all the pain possible that Zach could give me, but nothing compared to how I felt tonight. 

I was hurting for myself, but I was hurting more for him. I just wanted the nightmare to end.

When my tears finally subsided, I walked back to the corridor. I thought I would just slip the room card in the gap under the door, and then I would leave. 

Maybe this was the end of us. Maybe I should just give up. Maybe seeing me was a constant reminder that he lost his ability to walk. 

I had no idea how I would move on, but I would walk away even if I didn’t want to. 

I would do this for him. It didn’t matter anymore if I lived my whole life wanting him. If moving on and forgetting him would make him move forward, I would give it to him. 

I would just learn to love him from afar.

I wiped my tears and removed my shoes before walking barefoot toward his room, not making any noise at all. I was almost there when I noticed the door was slightly open. My forehead creased because I was sure I shut it hard. 

Did he leave? 

I was about to push the door open, but my hand got stuck in the air. I was not prepared for what I heard.

Zach was crying. Not the loud kind of cry,  but in a way that would cause your heart to bleed. I could tell he was trying to stifle his cries. 

The strongest man I knew was crying on his own.

I lowered my body to the floor and sat just beside the door, resting my back against the wall. I didn’t mind that I was wearing an expensive dress, and it could end up dusty or dirty. 

A part of me wanted to go to him and hug him, but I knew he would only push me away. So I just stayed there listening as he cried while I stifled my own sobs. In a way, even if he didn’t know, I wanted to share in his misery—even if I was miserable already on my own, even if his actions were already killing what was left of my heart.

I bent my knees and covered my mouth to avoid making any noise.

I didn’t know how long I stayed there—not moving, not minding that I was hungry and tired. I just let my tears fall until finally, his crying stopped, and I heard him snoring softly. 

He fell asleep.

I waited for a few minutes before I slowly rose to my feet and carefully pushed the door just enough to see him. He was in bed and lying on top of the blanket.

He moved on his own. But I expected nothing less from him. He was, after all, Zachary Adams. I knew he would push himself to do things and move without any assistance, and he really did well after over a year. 

I entered the room and closed the door. I went directly to the balcony and closed it as well, as it was cold. No wonder he didn’t scent me because the wind was blowing from the outside. 

After that, I just stood there beside his bed, watching him as his chest went up and down. 

And the tears came again. 

Before I left the main balcony outside, I was so sure that this was it—that I would move on. 

But how do you say goodbye to someone who has been your whole life? I didn’t know when I fell deeply in love with Zach, but I knew that by the time I was learning how to write and read, I would always force myself to write him a letter and read it out loud to him. 

It was always us.

We were supposed to end up together. We were supposed to be the perfect couple. We never crossed the boundaries of our friendship and never stepped over the lines. We waited until we were both of age before we took a step further into what we had.

We waited our whole lives to be together, so I couldn’t understand why he didn’t want me anymore. 

I couldn’t understand why us? We didn’t hurt anyone or cause any pain to anyone. I wish I had answers. 

I told myself I should leave, but my body betrayed me. 

Instead, I climbed to the bed and lay down beside him. My arm wrapped around his body as I scooted my head to his side, letting myself find solace in his warmth. 

I knew I might get shouted at when he woke up. He might throw words again that will shatter my confidence, but at least I get to hug him—even for the last time.