One Reckless Night

AYLA

It was another night of partying thanks to Lina but this time Jace was with us and somehow I ended up in a close space with him, I shouldn’t be standing this close to him but here I was and that was the first thought that hit me, not because he was doing anything wrong, but because his presence was making my body is react in different ways, my heartbeat feels too loud and fast like it was trying to keep up with something I don’t even understand.

“You’re staring again,” he says.

I blink. “I’m not.” I shot at him trying to sound unshaken by his presence

“You are.”

“I’m literally not.” and he tilts his head slightly, studying me like he always does, like he’s looking for something under the surface “You do this thing,” he says making my stomach tighten “What thing?”

“You argue,” he says simply. “Even when you know I’m right.” and I let out a small, incredulous laugh. “That’s not true.”

“It is.”

“No, it’s not.”

“See?”

I hate that I almost smile and I hate it more that he notices “You’re annoying,” I mutter “Yeah,” he says, not even offended “You’ve mentioned that.”. I just take a sip of my drink just to avoid saying something else or worse or even— something honest. The music shifts slightly, louder and heavier now, people around us move closer, brushing past, laughing too loud, existing too much which makes everything feel… smaller and more intense like there’s less space between us than there actually is and somehow that makes it worse.

“You don’t like crowds,” he says suddenly.

I freeze and my grip tightens around the cup again “What?”

“You keep looking for exits,” he adds “You’ve done it like five times already.”

I stare at him with my mouth open because that’s not obvious unless you’re paying real attention to my movements “That’s normal,” I say quickly. “Everyone does that.” but he doesn’t respond immediately he just watches me.

“No,” he says finally “Not like you.”

I can feel my chest tighten again, that feeling, that he knows something he shouldn’t “Why do you keep saying things like that?” I ask, my voice quieter now and he frowns slightly. “Like what?”

“Like you’ve already figured me out.”

He doesn’t answer and it actually scares me more than if he did, I shake my head, stepping back slightly. “You’re weird.”

“Yeah,” he says. “You’ve said that too.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.” while leaving his gaze on me and I look away first because holding his gaze feels like losing control and I don’t like that, not one bit “II’m getting another drink,” I say quickly.

“You’ve had enough.”

My head snaps back to him. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“I’m fine.”

“I didn’t say you weren’t,” he replies calmly. “I said you’ve had enough.”

Something in me snaps slightly, maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s him, mayaybe it’s everything “You don’t get to tell me what to do,” I say, sharper now and hiis expression doesn’t change much, but his eyes do, they darken slightly “I’m not telling you what to do,” he says “I’m telling you what I see.”

“And what is that?” I challenge

“That you’re not used to this,” he says. “And you don’t know your limit.”

My chest rises and falls a little faster, why does that sound like concern? Why do I hate that it does? “I’m not a child,” I say.

“I didn’t say you were.”

“You act like it.”

“No,” he says quietly. “I don’t.”

For a second, I don’t know what to say or how to respond, so I do the only thing I can…………I walk away.

JACE

She’s running, not physically, not fully, but I can see it in the way she avoids looking at me now, the way her shoulders tense slightly when I get too close, the way she keeps trying to prove she’s in control when she's not and that’s the problem because neither am I.

I watch her move through the crowd, heading straight for the table again, I should leave it and let her do what she wants, she’s actually right, I don’t get to tell her anything but I know her limit better than she thinks and better than she’d be comfortable with and if she crosses it, she definitely won’t like who she becomes or what she admits.

I inhale deeply and push off the wall and follow, not too fast or obvious just enough to keep her in sight. She grabs another drink and doesn’t hesitate this time which is new and that’s not her and it bothers me more than it should.

“Ayla.” I call out softly but she ignores me, of course she does, I step closer “Ayla.” She turns this time, clearly annoyed. “What?”

“You don’t need that.” and she burst out laughing bit it's obvious she was under the influence “Why do you care?” that question hits harder than it should because I don’t have an answer I can say out loud so I shrug slightly “I don’t.” ad something flashes across her face and then it was gone just as fast “Good,” she says. “Then stop acting like you do.” She lifts the cup and I hold her wrist and she freezes, so do I and for a second everything slows down, the music, the noise, the people, it all fades into the background, her wrist still in my hand, her eyes on mine, her breath catching slightly, I shouldn’t be doing this, I know that, but I don’t let go either “Jace,” she says quietly not in an angry tone, in a rather warning tone “You’re going to regret it,” I say.

Her brows pull together slightly. “Regret what?”

“This.” I said pointing to the glass of alcohol before he

“Then let me,” she says softly but something in the way she said it, something in the way she looks at me beaks whatever control I had left and I let go of her wrist buut I don’t step back and neither does she and now we’re standing too close………..again but this time it was not accidental

AYLA

I shouldn’t still be standing this close to him again, that’s the first thing my mind tells me, I didn’t want to move and that’s worse because now it was not just him, it was me too and we we’re too close again, close enough that I can feel the warmth coming off him, close enough that if I shift even slightly, I’d brush against him but somehow… neither of us moves

“Then let me.”

I don’t even know why I said that, I don’t even know what I meant by it, but now it’s out there and his eyes don’t leave mine, not even for a second, and for the first time since I’ve known him, Jace doesn’t look amused, he doesn’t look cocky, he doesn’t look like he’s playing a game, there was something I've never seen in his eyes, he looks……..torn, like he’s trying to decide something and my heart pounds harder, why does that make me nervous? Why does that make me want to stay?

“You don’t mean that,” he says finally, his voice lower and quieter now like this moment matters more than the others and I swallow “I do.” it comes out softer than I expected but I don’t take it back his jaw tightens slightly “Yeah?” he says

“Yeah.”

Another moment where everything feels like it’s balancing on something thin and unstable, one wrong move nd it all falls “You don’t even know what you’re asking for,” he says

I frown slightly. “I’m not asking for anything.”

“You are.”

“How?”

His gaze drops briefly for a second to my lips then back to my eyes and that small movement does something to me, something I can’t explain, soomething I don’t want to explain “You’re staying,” he says.

My breath catches “And?”

“You don’t walk away,” he continues. “Even when you should.”

I tilt my head slightly, my pulse racing. “Maybe I don’t want to.” That was bold, too bold, not me, the alcohol was kicking in but right now I didn’t feel like me anyways and maybe that’s the problem or maybe that’s the point?

Jace exhales slowly, like he’s losing patience with something inside himself “You’re not thinking straight,” he says

“Then maybe stop thinking for me.” God, why did I say that? Why does it feel like I just pushed something too far? His expression shifts again not softer or calmer just final like he’s made a decision. “Say it again,” he says.

My brows pull together. “What?”

“That you don’t want to walk away.”

My heart stumbles and this feels more serious and real but instead of backing off I stepp closer a little “I don’t want to walk away,” I repeat and this time there was no hesitation, no second guessing, just words and the truth, even if I don’t fully understand it.

Hi hand comes up again, slower this time, more careful, like he’s giving me a chance to stop him but I don't, his fingers brush lightly against my arm and it sends something sharp through me, something warmer “You’re going to regret this,” he says again but his voice isn’t convincing anymore it sounds like a warning he doesn’t even believe “Then I’ll deal with it,” I reply quietly and that was it the moment everything changes because the space between us disappears, not dramatically, slowly like neither of us is rushing it, like we both know exactly what’s about to happen and we’re letting it, his hand slides from my arm to my waist pulling me to him firm and steady, my breath catches again, my ands don’t know where to go at first then they settle lightly against his chest, I could feel his heartbeat, it was just like mine and it surprised me because I I thought he’d be calm and unbothered like this meant nothing to him but it doesn’t feel like that right now.

“Last chance,” he murmurs

I shake my head slightly “I’m not stopping you.”

Something in his eyes shifts again and then he kisses me, it's not soft at first, not hesitant either, it’s like everything that’s been building between us finally finds a way out all at once.

My body reacts before my brain does and before I can think or stop it………..I kiss him back, that was the point of no return because now it’s not just him crossing the line it was me too and there’s no pretending after this. There would be no “it didn’t happen.” or no “it didn’t mean anything.” because cause it did and I could feel it in the way his hand tighten slightly at my waist, the way I lean intoto him without thinking, the way everything else around us disappears, none of it mattered just this— him, and I hated that I don’t hate it

JACE

I knew this would happen but not like this, not tonight but eventually cause you don’t read someone the way I’ve read her, you don’t know someone the way I know her and walk away unaffected, that’s not how it works, THAT'S NOT HOW SHE WORKS and now I’m kissing her and I can’t even pretend I didn’t see this coming because I did see it coming, I just didn’t stop it and didn't want to, that was the problem. Her hands press lightly against my chest, hesitant at first, then more certain and that did something to me because Ayla isn’t like the others, she doesn’t rush, doesn’t pretend, eerything she did is felt by her even if she doesn’t say it or even if she doesn’t understand it and right now she’s not holding back neither am I.

I pull back slightly just enough to look at her, her black strapless leather gown that stopped on her thighs exposing her beautiful long straight legs, her hair in a bun, gold earing and an infinity necklace, i took all her beauty in because I have never come across something as magnetic as she was. Her eyes are still closed for a second, then they open and yeah that look not confusion or regret, just raw unfiltered real feelings and that hit harder than anything else “We should stop,” I say nut I don’t move, she doesn’t either

“No,” she says quietly.

“You don’t mean that,” I say again but weaker this time.

“I do,” she replies and I believe her, that’s the problem, because if she didn’t mean it, this would be easier, I could walk away, pretend it didn’t matter, but she does and I know she does because I’ve read the way she writes, the way she thinks, the way she feels things deeper than she lets anyone see and now I'm seeing it in real time ad I don’t know if I can stop or if I even want to.

AYLA

I should feel guilty, I should be thinking about Lina, about how wrong this is, about how this could ruin everything, but right now? I’m not and itt scares me because all I can think about is him, the way he’s looking at me, the way he’s not stepping away, the way this feels like something bigger than just a mistake and maybe it is, maybe it’s not just one reckless night, maybe it’s…………No, I wasn't going to think that far, I'd just stay her and live in the moment before everything gets complicated or everything falls apart.

“Don’t think,” he says quietly.

My eyes flicker up to his “What?”

“You’re doing it again,” he says.

Overthinking, of course I am and I almost laugh but instead I step closer again and this time I don’t hesitate I don’t remember deciding anything after that, that’s the scary part because at some point, this stopped feeling like a mistake and started feeling like something I wanted and now I’m too deep in it to pretend otherwise.

His hand finds mine first, not in a forceful or rushed way, just like it belongs and this isn't the first tine……….and somehow that made everything worse……….or better, I honestly can’t tell anymore

“Come on,” he says quietly and pulls me along as we move through the crowd, I should've asked where we're going or hesitated or pull my hand away and remind myself of everything that’s wrong about this but I didn't, I let him lead me past people who don’t even notice us, out of the suffocating heat of the party and into somewhere quieter and cooler. The fresh sharp air outside hits me first but it does nothing to clear my head, it only makes everything feel more intense and more irreversible.

I pull my hand from his slightly, just enough to breathe and to try and catch up with what I’m doing “What are we doing?” I ask with my voice sounding softer than I expectedt tgen he looks at me for a second and there’s no teasing this time, something honest

“Too late to ask that now, don’t you think?”

My chest tightens, because he was right and I hated that he was, but I didn’t walk away and that said enough

JACE

I should've stopped, I knew I should, every logical part of my brain is screaming at me to end it right there and walk away before it gets worse and turns into something neither of us can control but logic left a long time ago, probably the second she said she wasn’t walking away, the second she looked at me like she meant it and now I’m here with her, away from everything and it feels different because there’s nothing to hide behind now just us and whatever this is

“You can still go back inside,” I tell her.

It’s not a challenge this time, just the truth but she looks at me and for a second, I think she will and she’ll realize what this is and what this could turn into but then she shakes her head

“I don’t want to.”

Yeah, that does it, because now it’s not just me making a bad decision, it’s both of us and somehow, that makes it harder to stop.

AYLA

I don’t know when I stopped being the “good” one, the one who thinks ten steps ahead before making a move because right now I'm not thinking ahead at all, I’m just here with him and that’s enough which is terrifying

“You’re really not going to walk away?” he asks again.

I almost smile “You keep asking like you want me to.”

“I do.” but he doesn’t move neither do I

“So make me,” I say quietly.

I don’t know where that came from, I don’t even recognize that version of myself but he notices, I can see it in his eyes like he’s realizing something about me he didn’t expect or maybe something I didn’t expect.

“You don’t make this easy,” he mutters.

“Was I supposed to?”

“No.” he paused “No, you weren’t.”

And then he steps closer again this time, no pretending, no hesitation, no warnings, just choice.

JACE

This is a bad idea but it doesn’t matter because she’s looking at me like she’s already decided and I know that look, I’ve seen it in her words, in her journal, in the things she doesn’t say out loud, Ayla doesn’t do things halfway and tonight, neither will I.

My hand lifts to her face this time, sllower, more careful, like I’m giving her one last chance to pull away, she doesn’t, of course she doesn’t and that was all I need.

I kiss her again and this time it’s different, less tension, less resistance, more intention like we both know exactly what we’re doing now and we’re choosing it anyway.

AYLA

This feels like a memory already like something I’ll look back on and think “Yeah… that’s where everything changed.” and I don’t know if that’s a good thing orthe worst thing that could’ve happened but I don’t stop, I don’t pull away, I don’t think about tomorrow, not right now because it feels too real to ruin with consequences.

(Morning)

I wake up slowly and for a second everything feels normal, quiet, calm, safe………then I remember and my eyes snap open, the light coming through the window is softer than I expected, too peaceful, oo normal for what last night was.

I sit up quickly, my head spinning slightly, mythoughts catching up all at once, the party, outside, him, everything.

My chest tightens “What did I do…” I whisper and that’s when I notice it, something’s missing or worse, something’s waiting, I grab my bag instinctively, my heart already racing, I don’t even know why, my fingers fumble slightly as I unzip it, pulling out my journal, the same one I always keep close and no one is supposed to see, I open it quickly, flip through the pages and everything looks normal at first.

—My writing, my thoughts, my secrets. Then I freeze, because there’s something new, something that wasn’t there before, something I definitely didn’t write neatly on a single line.

“You should’ve listened when I told you to walk away.”

My breath catches, my heart drops straight to my stomach.

No.

No, no, no.

That’s not possible, no one has access to this, no one knows about this, except………..my hands start shaking because I already know the answer before I even say it or even turn around or even hear his voice.

“You really don’t listen, do you?”

I close my eyes slowly because I know that voice, I knew it the second I read the words and somehow it was worse than the message itself.