10

3 YEARS AGO.

I can see him from my peripheral view. It's Victor Andrez. My brother's very annoying classmate. Ander only asked I tolerate him to get Andrez to do his chores. It's unnecessary, but the boy doesn't do any harm. That's what I thought. But there's so much harm between then and now.

Now, we're in my room. Our chests rising and falling violently. Our breaths so ragged it sounds like we're having an asthma attack. My fingers hover over his face, my thumb trailing his lower lip. They're especially plump and pink today. He says it's the lip balm, but I prefer to believe otherwise. It's intentional.

"Do you know how badly I want to kiss you?" I whisper in his ear. His breath hitches and I hear him swallow loudly. He wants me to kiss him. His body arches closer to mine. He wants our abdomens to touch. I grant him the liberty, and watch him whimper.

His lips vibrate slightly. I want to kiss him. "Unfortunately, I'm not gay Andrez. I have to be gay to kiss you first."

He flinches like I punched him. Not what he'd been expecting to hear. Not even what I was expecting to say.

"But. But, you said you loved me. Don't you?" He asks with those round eyes. Ander said they're addictive,like a bottomless pit. I, more than anyone else can confirm how true that is.

My hands snake down his slender body. Both my hands together can go round his waist. It adds to his alluring nature. His breathing becomes irregular. I have only myself to blame for all this building tension. They finally rest on his thighs. They're as petite as the rest of him.

"I do Andrez. I love you so much it's scary. But, I'm not gay. I'm just confused. You're confusing me. And I hate you for it." Like I'm under a spell, his lips connect with mine. I don't know who initiated it, but I continued it. Pulled him closer to me, kissed him. Touched him.

My body has a mind of its own, because it's not listening to my reasoning. My brain tells me what I'm doing is wrong and is going to be a thing haunting me in the nearest future. That though doesn't stop me from pushing him to the bed.

He falls and a gasp escapes his lips. He smiles slightly. I'm not supposed to get turned on by just a smile, but here I am.

"You look very beautiful." It's the heat of the moment, I don't even know which of us made that statement.

NOW.

I almost literally slap myself. Where on earth did that come from? I'm lucky there's no one around me. I'm in Madeleine's apartment but I feel like I've just committed a very evil thing.

I turn my attention back to the tv screen. It's supposed to be comedy, but I can't bring myself to laugh. There's sweat on my forehead and underarm.

"Hey," Madeleine comes out from her room. "My package just arrived. I'm going to get it okay? I'll be back."

"Can't I go? You know, to be safe and everything." I ask just so I can step out and receive fresh air. Maybe it'll clear my head.

"No. It's okay. I know the man delivering it. We have some things to talk about okay?"

She kisses me like it'll erase the taste of those lips on mine and leaves. I snatch my phone from the table in front of me. My name hovers over the one contact I shouldn't be calling. I hesitate pressing the call button. What would I even say?

I turn off my phone and try to focus on the tv. The show is over and I haven't even cracked a smile. I pick another one, sci-fi this time, and hope I can watch it. I can't because three minutes in, my phone rings. The way I rush to grab it should be studied.

"Yeah?"

It's a spam call. I breathe out and drop my phone farther away from me this time. What is on the screen gets interesting until I wonder why I even bother with tv. I pick up my phone, again, this time, having learnt self discipline and scroll through my handles.

Vicky has posted something, but as usual, it's not his face. A pretty flower I'm sure he just saw randomly. I'm admiring his little fingers when the door opens. I throw my phone on the other couch like I was caught lurking around sites I shouldn't be on.

Madeleine, her package and Ander walk in. He doesn't really look pleased to see me. It's not like I enjoy seeing him in my girlfriend's house either.

"Ander brought dinner. Thank God cause I don't have to cook."

She takes the bags from Ander to the kitchen. I help her carry her new makeup set to her room. I'd have unboxed it, but I know jackshit about arranging and organizing all her stuff. It'd only get her mad.

"Babe, can you get me a soda? Maybe cranberry. We should still have some of those."

I go to the fridge located in the pantry. There's only 1 can of cranberry soda left, so I take the orange. I pick my plate from the kitchen, and join them on the floor, watching what I had been forcing myself to watch for the past 20 minutes.

"Here you go." I open the can and slide it over. She blows me a kiss and thanks me in singsong.

"Don't I get a soda too?" Ander asks me for the sole reason of being a menace.

"Go to the store if you want one. And please don't come back." Madeleine shoves me. For the life of me, I can not understand why she likes Ander so much. He's annoying.

We stay watching in silence, save Ander's aggressive slurping. Madeleine finds it funny, and if I didn't love her, I would've thrown her out of the window. I know he's doing it to get under my skin. Unfortunately for him, someone else climbed their way under there already.

Dinner's over and Madeleine announces she wants to shower. I pick a glass of wine and go to the balcony. The 15th floor not only provides a great view, but an excellent evening breeze. I'm trying to think about pressing matters. The fact that I'll finish school in less than a year. My marriage plans. My mother's health.

But, somehow, Vicky slithers his way into my thoughts. The little, petite conniving bastard.

"Aren't you chilly?" I try not to act startled. I turn to see Ander comfortable with Madeleine's duvet wrapped round his shoulders. That though isn't cause for alarm, it's my phone he's waving.

"Why on earth are you with my phone?"

I reach out to snatch it, but the wine has made my movement torpid. Ander without hesitation slaps my had away. How he unlocks it is beyond me. He shows me the page I was on.

"Seriously Archie. Stalking?"

"I wasn't stalking him. Viewing something that was posted for the general populace to see isn't stalking."

He shakes his head and throws the device to me. I almost do not catch it. Ander moves closer to me, resting his body over the railing beside me. I initially wanted to do that, but I'm not sober.

"Are you actually going to marry her?"

"Who? Madeleine?"

He nods. "You're lying to yourself. Are you going to lie to her too? For how long?"

"Why do you strongly believe I don't love Madeleine? I love her and how I feel isn't any of your business."

He shrugs. "I'm just saying. I like Madeleine. I think of her as my sister I don't want to see her cry because of you. You're going to hurt her whatever decision you make."

I drop the empty glass on the table there. "You have to understand this thing isn't one sided. I have to consider the other party. You know, I don't even want to have this discussion with you. I wish he never came to our school."

"Like you're not happy to see him." My brother snorts. I'm about to say something else but Madeleine comes out of the shower.

"It's cold outside. Get back in here." I go in first before Ander does. I can only imagine what is going on in his mind. Never has it been anything good. I doubt things are going to change now.