Healing the man who broke me

Adam’s POV

I had remained on the ice through broken fingers and ribs. Through a shoulder that had dislocated twice in one season. Pain was part of the game. But tonight, pain was different. It found a home behind my eyes. It was a migraine waiting to pop.

The arena light was a blinding white star. I winced and looked around. The sold out crowd that filled Madison square blurred into one mass of colour and noise.

My eyes landed on the clock. Thirty eight seconds until the third period ended. Until we advanced to the finals or went home.

I bent over, placing both gloves on my knees as I drew in a shaky breath. My chest tightened and the ice tilted slightly.

Something wasn't right.

“Captain…” A voice called out behind me.

I blinked and the world snapped back into focus.

Jay, my assistant captain, squeezed my shoulders. “You good?”

“Sure.” I offered him a smile that didn't touch my eyes.

Coach Pep caught my eyes from behind the bench. He beckoned to me.

“Payne.”

I pushed towards the boards. The second I stopped skating, another wave of dizziness washed over me. I grabbed the boards before anyone could notice. It didn't escape Pep’s watchful eyes.

“You took a hit to the head earlier.”

I winced, my knuckles almost turning white as I grabbed the board tighter. “I’m fine.”

“You don't look fine to me.”

“I’m standing on my feet, yes?” I grinned but he didn't smile back.

“When last did you see the trainer?”

My eyes traveled back to the scoreboard. We had twenty-nine seconds.

“There’s no time.”

Coach grabbed my arm. “We’ll make time.”

“No.” I snapped.

“You need to sit. You're not well.” For the first time, I saw panic cloud Pep’s eyes. It seemed like he could see something I couldn't feel yet.

I slid back, releasing myself from his grip.

“If you bench me…”

My eyes traveled to the silver trophy sitting behind the glass.

“I would never come back out.”

He stared at me blankly. The silence between us was heavy. We both knew what it meant. We couldn't afford second place. No one ever remembered second place.

But a win? A win changed everything. For all of us.

Pep’s eyes darkened and he grabbed me by my jersey.

“If this is a concussion…”

“It’s not.”

“You don't know that.” He released his grip, pushing me slightly.

I groaned as my vision blurred again. It felt like my eyes were a camera lens and someone kept on adjusting the focus. The migraine had spread behind my eyes.

Pep stared at me. I could see him battling with himself.

“If you stagger on the ice one more time, you're out.”

Relief washed over me. “Deal.”

The horns blared. Time for line change. I jumped over the board and the crowd erupted.

My skates bit into the ice and cold air washed over my face. Everything else faded into the background as my eyes focused on the puck.

After the faceoff, I moved quickly. Right skate. Left skate. The dizziness swallowed by the adrenalin.

“Here.” I shouted.

The puck slid perfectly to my stick. Cheers erupted from the crowd. The first defender appeared and I danced around him with a quick toe grab.

The second one launched forward and I slipped past him, our shoulders brushing.

The cheers became deafening.

“Go.” Jay screaming skating across me.

I crossed into center ice and I was one on one with John Hill. He was their best defender and this was my favourite type of win.

He moved right and a smile pulled my lips. I cut left and the migraine exploded behind my eyes. My vision doubled and for a second, John split into two. I squeezed my eyes shut. When I opened my eyes, he was moving towards me.

My first instinct was to move but everything swam before my eyes. I pushed forward and our shoulders collided in a bone rattling crack. I groaned as the puck flew free.

I struggled to gain my balance as I slid across the ice. I wasn't skating anymore, I was falling. I was heading towards the boards with so much force. I could hear the crowd screaming. I struggled to hold myself in place but it was to no avail.

I dug my skates into the ice and the right one cut a rut in. The rest of my body continued moving except my right leg. Time slowed in these moments and above the crowd and the whistle, I heard this sound from within my body. A loud wet crack and then another.

Something tore in my legs, like thick ropes snapped apart with sheer force. The force hurled me against the boards and I heard the crack of glass as it fell on me. Pain spread through my knees. White, blinding absolute pain.

A guttural animal like scream tore from my throat even before I realized my mouth was open. My helmet snapped loose.

My teammates gathered around me. I could see their mouths moving but I couldn't hear a single word. A consistent ringing filled my ears instead. Through the haze, I could see my right leg bent awkwardly metres from where it should be. There was a blood trail behind me.

Someone grabbed my shoulders. “Don’t move.”

I couldn't even if I wanted to but I tried anyway. It hit me, then. I couldn't feel my legs. I tried to lift my head and my vision darkened around the edges. Hot flashes shot through my spine.

Someone yelled the medic and another person urged for space. The arena had gone completely quiet. Over forty thousand people were silent. I could hear my heart slow down.

Tears burned my eyes. I took another look at my legs. My career was over. I raised my hand to touch my thighs. There was nothing. I grabbed it firmly and still, nothing. My blood turned to ice.

“Get the spine board.” I heard someone scream. Nolan, the trainer came to kneel beside me.

“Adam, look at me.” He snapped his fingers in my face but my eyes wouldn't leave my legs.

“Adam.” He grabbed my head and my eyes finally shifted. “Tell me your full name.”

I felt someone grab me by the shoulders.

“Adam…” I exhaled and pressed my eyes shut. The light overhead was blinding. I couldn't remember my last name.

“Stay with me.” Nolan said grabbing my cheeks. Nolan was usually all smiles with a sarcastic comment ready to jump off his lips but not tonight. His face was a sickly pale coat that frightened me.

“Adam Payne.” I exhaled as I was lifted onto the boards.

Nolan walked beside me as I was wheeled out. “And where are we?”

My chest became tight and I could barely get out a word.

“I need to finish the game.” I choked out. Even near death, I realized how stupid that sounded. I couldn't even move.

The freezing air bit through my sweat soaked jersey. I bit on my tongue in an attempt to ground myself. I could hear the ambulance blaring as I was wheeled on.

My vision blurred with each passing second. I felt Pep’s firm hand on mine.

“How bad is it?”He screamed at Nolan.

“I doubt he'll ever walk again.”

I grabbed Pep’s hand stronger and screamed until everything faded into the dark.