chapter 1

The feeling of being lost in a world full of joy, happiness, and everything nice.

It made me think love is all about happiness, all about being happy, always bright in sight.

I never thought i could be this lost, burden, broken, low.

I never thought i would suffer this kind of pain.

I wanted to cry out loud,

But i couldn't.

I wanted to get this burden out of me,

But i couldn't.

It's so painful i couldn't even cry the pain. It's like a knife buried deep in my chest. Slowly but torturously. It's killing me gradually, slowly, bit by bit, piece by piece, inch by inch, little by little. Slowly but surely—

"—zaira!"

Sigaw ni dianne mula sa labas ng kwarto nito habang paulit-ulit na pinupugpog ang pintuan ko mula sa labas. Tangina pag yan nasira!

"Zaira— Tangina baka kung ano na ginagawa mo dyan. Alam kong nasasaktan ka pero wag sana ganto te."

Kaninang sigaw ngayon ay malumanay niyang bigkas. Parang nakikiusap, parang nagsusumamo.

Ano to nanliligaw?

"Ang oa mo! Pumasok kana nga"

Sigaw ko pagbukas ko ng pintuan pagtapos ay hinatak siya sa loob.

Saglit kaming nagtinginan ni Dianne. Titig na may pag-aalala, pakikiramay. Pero hindi iyon ang kailangan ko ngayon. Kailangan ko mag freshen up, kailangan ko ng bagay ma makapagpapawala ng sakit kahit saglit lang.

It's been a week since my ex and i broke up after years of being in a relationship.

"Di ko ma imagine ang sarili kong wala siya. Mula high school siya lang pero ngayon……wala—”

She glanced at me for a moment.

"Baka crush mo na'ko ha, tanginamo kakabreak lang namin ng ex ko"

"Assuming si tanga—" she smiled sweetly "nagka-closure ba kayo?"

Tanong niya.

I sighed.

"Oo, kahapon." I stopped for a moment "—i tried to save our relationship, pero sabi niya di na ako. Di na niya'ko gusto. Sabi niya may mahal na siya, so much better that me."

"Gala tayo? Libre k—"

Di paman siya tapos magsalita ay sumabay na'ko.

"Bar tayo!"

Buong sigla kong sigaw.

Nanlaki ang mga mata niya at agad akong hinampas. Alam kong matagal na siyang hindi magdidisco o nagbabar pero lakompake! Kaylangan kong magwalwal.

"Gaga! Alam mong di na'ko magbabar!"

Bigwas niya pa ulit sa'kin.

Mukhang takot na takot ah.

Iba siguro punishment nito pag sumusuway. Anyways, wala na'kong balita sa lovelife ng kaibigan ko na ito. Di na kami nagtanong pang muli kasi baka masaktan siya ulit pag naalala niya yung nangyari sakanila ni manong.

"Sige na yana. Minsan lang ako mag-aya oh"

Pagpapaawa ko. nag doe-eyes pa ako habang nagpapout.

Bwiset na yan. Wala kasi akong kasama te!

I clapped my hands the moment i saw her sigh. Alam kong bumigay na siya.

Sabi ko na ngaba di mo'ko matiis eh HAHAHAHA (demon laugh😈)

"Fine—"

"Yay! I'll pick you up tonight. Be ready at 8 sharp"

I jumped to her wrapping my arms around her making her flinch.

"Uwi kana muna te, dapat maganda ka mamaya ha!"

I shout out of joy.

"Pagtapos mo'ko gamitin pauuwiin mo'ko?"

Tanong niya at kimunot pa ang nuo, kunyari galit.

"Ano?"

Tanong ko

"Wala practice lang yan, baka may maka one night stand ka tapos ganyanin ka. Sayang ang tattoo"

Then we both laugh.

"Tattoo-an ko kaya kiffy mo?"

Biro ko pabalik

"Ambastos mo!"

Bigwas niya sa'ken muli.

"Aray ko! Kanina kapa, umuwi kana nga!"

*********

Dianne's pov

"Dianne anak? Nandito si zaira sa labas, sinusundo ka raw"

Katok ni mama mula sa labas ng aking kwarto.

Maya-maya pa'y narinig ko na ang malakas na katok sa aking pinto.

"Clarisse Dianne Mariano!"

Sigaw niya

"Ano! Maghintay ka nagsusuot pa'ko ng bra!"

Sigaw ko pabalik.

Imbes na tumigil ay mas lumakas pa ang pagkatok at kaluskos niya sa pinto ko kaya't napilitan akong pagbuksan siya.

"—sige sirain mo pinto ko"

"Bakit kasi di kapa tapos? Anong oras na oh"

"Anong anong oras na? 7:30 palang te, atat ka?"

Bara ko sakaniya sabay irap

"Oo na! Bilisan mo na dyan, sa baba na'ko maghihintay"

**********

Dianne's pov

The loud noices welcomed us as we enter the bar full of people drinking, talking, dancing and kissing. This place is dark, not by lightless but the people around here. The air is thick with the hum of conversation, clinking glass, the loud music drifting from the speaker, the smell of different alcoholic at people's perfumes mixed and lingered in my nose. It is dimly illuminated by neon signs and flashlights.

I don't know why, i don't find this place fun anymore. I just couldn't.

Zaira ordered a bucket of beer and then we headed towards our table to meet our other friends.

They drank, dance, kiss and then drank, dance and kiss until they're crazy. And me? I decided to join and have fum with them, but something in me tells me to stay conscious. To stay undrunk.

I sat at the corner of the sofa while i watch zaira completely intoxicated by the alcohol. She dance like crazy.

I turn to face our other friends and each of them kissing random people they bump into.

I checked the time and it's already fucking 12:30 am! Sabi ni zaira kay mama ibabalik niya'ko exactly at 12.

I opened the data of my phone the checked my messenger if mama messaged me. Wala naman.

And why am i afraid to be scolded by going home late at the age of 25?

I stared back at zaira who's now gone in my sight.

Where is she?

I tried to scan the entire area but i couldn't find her, i tried searching, in the cr, the rooftop and evem outside of the bar but i still couldn't find her.

Shocks! Patay!!

Bumalik ako sa table namin to check if her bag still there.

Nandoon parin naman.

I checked the inside of her bag just to find her car key and her phone.

Fuck.

********

Zaira's pov

I am busy swaying and dancing through the music when i noticed someone watching me from not that far.

He stood tall, his dark features chiseled like stone, exuding an aura of mystery and intensity. His piercing eyes locked with mine, commanding attention without a word. His presence was imposing, his dark energy drawing you in like a magnet, yet hinting at a depth that was both captivating and unnerving. His dark, handsome features were accentuated by an air of brooding intensity, making him both mesmerizing and intimidating to those around him.

I stopped for a minute and headed towards the cr.

Shit! I think I'm about to vomit.

I entered the nearest tab and go peeing, then got out immediately to wash my face with cold water running from the faucet.

I don't care if it ruins my make up. I want refreshment.

I was about to go out but my drunk vision makes it harder.

Every single moment i tilt my head and move my eyes feels like I'm standing in a boat in the water making me hold tightly in everything i touch just to support myself and avoid myself from falling through the floor. Until i made it to the parking lot. And thought, why am i fucking here? Where's yana? What the fuck is my car key? My phone? My bag?

Holy molly!

"After all the hardship i faced just to get in here, this is all i got?"

I shout then let my self fall to the floor.

I felt my butt hit the hard, cold floor, leaning my back to a random car I don't know who belonged to.

I was about to stand up when a hand appears right in front of my face.

Tumingala ako upang makita kung sino ang nag-aalok ng kamay na iyon.

And to my surprise—it was the guy from the bar's hand.

He looked directly into my eyes as if he can see the deepest of my soul. It took a minute for me to accept his hands.

Maingat niya'kong iniangat at inalalayan. He put his hands on my waist then placed me to the same car that i was leaning in a while ago.

Nakalaylay ang aking mga paa sa may pintuan ng kotse habang nakaharap ako sakaniya.

Lumuhod siya at pinantayan ang aking tuhod at maraang hinubad mula sa mga paa ko ang aking heels na kanina pa sagabal sa akin.

"Your feet looks so tired, and so are you—are you okay?"

His deep baritone voice spoke as he caressed my feet with his rough, big and wide hands.

Every touch brings shiver to my spine. Para itong kuryenteng dumadaloy sa buong sistema ko.

Every word, every breath, every move he made feels like a cold water splashing to my face.

"May kasama kaba?"

Tanog niyang muli.

"W-wala."

Wala sa sariling sagot ko.

And that's the moment i realize—dianne! I need to find dianne.

"Fuck!"

Sigaw ko at tunalon mula sa kotse sabay takbo kahit nananakit na yung mga paa ko.

I heared him call me "miss!"

But i didn't dare to look back.

I gotta find dianne.

I looked for her inside the club but she was already gone.

My bag was gone.

Hope she got home safely.

I have no choice but to walk until i reach the highway to find taxi drivers o kahit tricycle manlang.

I was cursing every profanity that come from my mind. Then started walking.

What a night!

Broken kana nga maglalakad kapa ng naka paa!

Fuck those heels of mine.

Wala na'kong magawa kundi magdasal na sana may dumaan rito na busilak ang kalooban at pasakayin ako.

At ayun na nga.

"Miss!"

Someone called me from behind. I turned to see the mysterious guy kanina.

He asked me if i need a ride and ofcourse i said yes!

The whole ride was silent, he told me he'd drop me to my house and i said thankyou.

Paminsan-minsan ko siyang nahuhuling sumusulyap sa akin, minsan ay nagkakatinginan kami. Then he started talking.

He drives so slow, parang sinasadya.

"So—what's your name?"

He asked the took a glance at my direction

"I—i'm zaira kristel alejandria. You......how 'bout you?"

I asked back.

"You can call me gavin."

The he paused.

He stopped the car and stared at me.

Well hi…….

Gavin.