6.

ALORA

I grab my book and tablet from the table and stuff them into my bag as soon as the professor exits the class.

It was a long, boring class, but somewhere between trying to follow his explanations and keeping my hands busy, I managed to stop thinking about Brielle and her threats.

For a few minutes at a time, at least.

My body also isn’t very good at following instructions, so my eyes stray towards the back of the hall and straight into a pair of winter-grey eyes.

What the fuck does he find so interesting?

I turn away before I can get caught in another staring contest.

Hani gets to her feet and stretches, letting out a moan of relief. She spent half the class yawning and the other half checking the time. At one point, I was worried the professor would send her out of the class, because trust me, he noticed.

“Lunch, ladies?” She asks.

I shake my head. I planned to sit in my car throughout the lunch break because I’m not supposed to eat until dinner, and I don’t want to be tempted.

“No. I’m still full from breakfast.” I deny politely. The lie comes out so naturally that I almost smile.

“You can just sit with us,” Dilora suggests. “You could just munch on a fruit or not eat anything at all.”  

I hesitate. Seeing all that food might make me want some, but refusing will probably lead to more questions.

“Fine. I’ll come, but I’m not eating.”

“That’s fine. Let’s go. I’m starving.” Harvey links his arm through mine and pulls me towards the door.

They fill me in as we walk. Apparently, they explored the campus last week, so they are already familiar with most places on campus.

The cafeteria is much bigger than I expected. The food looks better than what some restaurants serve, and my stomach tightens as I take in the selection.

I look away before I can linger on anything.  

By the time the others have their meals, I’m regretting coming with them. We settle at a table near a large window overlooking the garden.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything?” Harvey asks.

“Yes. I ate too much this morning, and I still feel like my stomach’s about to burst.” I smile so it sounds more convincing.

“If you say so,” he answers with a shrug, but his expression tells me he doesn’t quite believe me.  

“I can’t believe uni is just glorified high school," Hani groans. “You know I spent the last month watching study videos and spend a day with me videos on edutoks. They got me thinking uni was fun, and I was going to fall in love with education."

“How’s that working out for you?” Harvey asks, barely containing his laughter.

“I still hate education,” she deadpans, and we burst into laughter. “Scratch that. I hated it before. Now I straight up despise it.” She adds dramatically.

I laugh despite myself.

“I can’t believe we still have four years left,” Dilora says. “Can we just skip to the end already?”

“You guys are way too dramatic. It isn’t that bad," I say despite my opinion of the class we just finished.

All three heads snap towards me. Harvey reaches across the table to touch my forehead, and I smack his hand away lightly.

“What?”

He shakes his head. “Just checking to see if you’re fine.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m perfectly fine.”

“You are telling me you enjoyed that torture we just escaped?” Hani asks, looking offended.

“I didn’t say I enjoyed it. I just said it wasn’t that bad.” I correct.

Hani shakes her head in disbelief.

“I swear my soul was asleep. I was physically awake, but my spirit was back at home. In bed," Harvey says seriously, and we burst out laughing again.

For a moment, I don’t need to check myself. I don’t think about whether I’m sitting right or if anyone is staring.

Then Dilora gives me a look. “Well, something definitely kept you occupied during the class."

I sigh mentally because I know where this is going. “Don’t start,”

“I’m just saying. Everyone could see how you and Kian couldn’t keep your eyes off each other.”

Hani snickers, but I don’t share her amusement.

“You need to find something else to talk about.”

Dilora’s jaw tightens. “I would if you just listened to what I said about staying away.”

I lean back. “Dilora, what’s your deal with these people? This seems more than just what you heard from rumors."

“I told you. They are dangerous people.”

“You keep saying that, but you haven’t given me any proof.” I push further.

“My cousin works for their fathers,” she finally reveals. “I hear enough to know that it’s better to stay away.” The fear in her voice takes some of the irritation out of me.

“Fathers?”

“Kian and Laurent are cousins,” Hani explains. “Their dads are brothers. How do you not know this? Who doesn’t know Baston Conglomerates?”

“I know the company but not the family ish,” I tell her with a shrug.

I glance at Harvey, but he’s concentrating on his food.

“My cousin doesn’t like to tell me details,” Dilora continues. “And I know better than to ask, so just trust me on this.”

“Sounds like deep batshit trouble,” Hani mutters.  “I hate uni, but I want to get through it without a scandal. My dad will kill me if I ruin his reputation.”

“What does he do?” I ask.

“He’s the South Korean ambassador to the US.”

I blink in surprise. “Okay. So, definitely no scandals.” I say slowly.

“Exactly.”

“And her mom makes shoes," Harvey adds.

Hani grins. “She has a fashion line, and it’s big back home.”

The conversation shifts to our families. I tell them a little about mine, mostly about Tris, but Harvey says nothing about his.

When Hani asks, he gives a vague answer and takes another bite. I recognize the look on his face well enough to leave it alone.

My eyes drift towards the window, and I see Kian standing beneath one of the trees. Laurent and Mason are talking, but he doesn’t seem to be listening as he absentmindedly brings his cigarette to his lips.

He takes a long drag before blowing out the smoke through his lips.

He isn’t looking at me.

Finally.

I should be relieved. Instead, I take the opportunity to feed the part of me that still wants a good, long look at the boy who looks like sin.

His hands are large. My eyes follow his fingers, and my mind goes somewhere it has no business going.

Those hands on my skin.

Gripping. Pulling. Roaming.

Jesus.

I shift in my seat.

There’s a bored expression on his face as he surveys the garden. I can’t imagine looking that unbothered in public. I have to remind myself how to stand, where to put my hands, when to smile.

He just exists, and somehow everyone else around him looks like they’re trying too hard.

“Are you even listening?”

Dilora’s voice pulls me back, and I turn before any of them can follow my gaze.

“Sorry. I was just thinking of what I have to do when I get home.”

“Oh.” Hani looks disappointed. “We were talking about getting dinner later. Are you busy?”

I can barely hide my surprise.

Dinner? They haven’t even finished lunch.

I glance at their plates, then quickly look away.

How do they do it? Sit there eating without worrying about what it will do to their bodies, then start planning the next meal?

If I ate like that, I’d be back to my former self faster than I could spell my name.

“I can’t tonight. I still have to unpack.”

“Tomorrow, then?” Hani asks hopefully.

“Maybe. I’ll let you know.”

She accepts that, thankfully, and asks Harvey something about his timetable.

I try to follow their discussions.

I really do.

But my eyes return to the window.

Kian is still there.

He’s frowning now, saying something to Laurent. Mason laughs, but Kian does not look amused.

Then he turns.

Our eyes meet, and I flinch.

Fuck. He caught me.

His expression barely changes. Laurent notices he no longer has Kian’s attention and turns too. Something like surprise crosses his face when he sees me.

I should look away.

That would be the sensible thing to do after getting caught gawking at someone I’ve been warned about at least three times today.

But I can’t. Kian’s gaze sucks me in like I’m drowning in darkness.

Then Kian’s mouth curves, and my stomach dips.

I hate that.

I hate how easily he gets a reaction out of me when he hasn’t said a single word to me.

A few minutes ago, I wanted him to stop staring. Now, I’m sitting here, hoping he won’t look away.

The thought frightens me.

What am I doing?

Brielle has already reminded me how quickly this can all fall apart. I should be thinking about her threat, about getting through the day without giving anyone another reason to talk.

Instead, I’m wondering what it would feel like to have his hands on me.

I’ve been too careless.

I force my gaze away, grab my bag, and stand.

The conversation stops. “What’s wrong?” Dilora asks.

“I’m leaving. Something came up.” My voice shakes, and I don’t bother trying to hide it.

“Are you okay?” Harvey asks, a frown on his face.

“Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turn before they can ask anything else.

“Wait, Alora," Hani calls, but I don’t look back.

Did you finally realize how gullible and pathetic you are?

My fingers tighten around the strap of my bag.

He looks at you, and suddenly you forget everything.

Such a disgusting wimp.

Not now.

Weren’t you all confident that no one would get through?

I told you before, Alora. You are weak, useless.

I push through the cafeteria doors. The air outside does nothing to ease the tightness in my chest.

I need my medication.

I need to get to my car, go home, and shut the door before anyone sees me like this.

You’re still the same, Alora.

My legs shake as I hurry across the car park.

Still weak. Still desperate for someone to want you.

I don’t look back. I can’t let anyone see how close I am to falling apart.