VI: Do You Still?

VI: Do You Still?

~XENOS~

I gritted my teeth, my wolf pulling backwards as a low growl escaped me.

My wolf had never been disobedient—not to anyone, not even me.

Slowly, the extra surge of violent strength ebbed from within me, and I fell back to the ground, stark naked before Landrace, Franca, and Lowell.

This was not the first time they had seen me naked because my wolf had decided to snap control out of my fingers.

Franca ran back into one of the rooms to grab clothes for both Lowell and me.

Even as I shifted back, my eyes remained on the girl. She was still on the bed, gasping the same. The curse had carved thinner, darker lines across her skin, spreading even to her face.

My wolf hated to look at her one more time.

After Lowell and I wore clothes, everyone stood for a moment in silence before Landrace started wheeling her back to the room.

“Landrace,” I called out, and he halted at the sound of my voice.

“Your Majesty.” He lowered his head, turning around, hands on the edge of a sick bay.

He wasn't the only one. Everyone in the room looked just as helpless as they had every other time this happened..

“How is she?” I asked, bringing my tone as low as my fucking wolf forced me to.

“She...” His voice dropped back to her. “She's fighting.”

“Don't tell me that, I asked, how is she, Landrace?” That dry roughness returned to my vocal cords.

He had said the same thing when he treated all nine of them. At first, I believed him. Until I realized he was only saying it to comfort me.

This time, I refused to be fed words from a honeyed mouth.

“I am honest, Your Majesty.” His voice cracked. “Since she collapsed, I have been watching her closely, and it's very clear that she has been fighting it. Take a look at her right now, for instance.” His eyes lit up as he observed her again.

Franca, Lowell, and I stepped closer. “Her fingers are twitching. It shows that her wolf is fighting, no matter how weak and low its rank is.”

A sigh escaped me. Just as if Lowell read my mind, he snatched the question directly from my mouth. “Will she survive it?”

The room fell silent for a moment before Landrace answered.

“I cannot promise or swear she will.” He lowered his head. “But I can assure you that with the signs I have been watching for the past minutes, she's most like—”

“Cut your nonsense. Yes or no?” I cut him off.

“I cannot say, Your Majesty.” He sighed. “But all nine of the late breeders were completely gone even in less than fifteen minutes. If she survives this until the end of the day, I can give you a clearer prediction.”

Bullshit.

I returned to watching the window frames as they all left.

“You don't think she can fight it, do you?” Lowell's voice cut through the air. I turned, a little dose of shock spreading through me, as I had expected him to have left with them.

“All what he said was bullshit, mere sugar-coated words.”

“You cannot judge him like that.”

A scoff left my lips. The reality was glaring, and the result was already too evident to ignore. “How would she fight it? Would you all stop talking to me like I'm about to lose an arm and a leg?”

He crossed his arms against his chest, with his eyes lingering on mine. “No one is comforting you.”

“Well then, maybe you all need to learn how to say the damn truth or shut the fuck up and stop feeding me bloody ass lies.”

“You're getting charged up again. Calm, Lowell.”

My wolf could barely tolerate any more of his bullshit. If I allowed the conversation to last any longer, my control would have slipped off again.

As the day gradually drifted towards the evening, I buried myself in a pile of work that didn't seem to distract me. My mind was just a complete hazard of those many emotions I couldn't hide from.

By the time I went back to check on her, I didn't even know why.

At first, I had a sense of hope that she would survive, even though Landrace’s answer had indirectly handed me exactly what I needed.

But then I had guilt—an inner resentment for my wolf, the one I couldn't even erase.

Then again, there was fear… particularly arising from the straw of hope my wolf was quietly holding on to.

Watching her calmed me, especially observing how her fingers twitched at each side.

Left to me, I would have gone far away from the very moment I heard Landrace's comment but no, this side of me still wanted to stay, and annoyingly, memories were kicking back in my head, like I needed to be reminded.

“Your Majesty.” As the door opened, someone joined me from the back—Franka.

My mind had been far too engrossed in watching the girl.

I glanced over my shoulder. “Your Hand wants to come in, but based on your instructions.”

“Let him in, Franca.” I crossed my arms against my chest and began taking a stroll around the room as she headed back outside.

“You even had to lock me outside, Your Majesty.”Lowell strided into the room, his usual and ever-present arrogance clinging to him.

I didn't respond. Lowell was good at two things: Rage-baiting when he was wrong, and provoking when he was right which both seamlessly blended into one inevitable shitty feeling—irritation.

“You know what I spent the whole day thinking about?” He sank into a couch on the other side of the room.

I raised my head.

“Maybe she's not so different,” he added.

I already knew where this motherfucker was heading, but I just had to keep my peace and watch him twirl around until he had enough balls to hit the nail on the head.

“I've not seen you act this worried in a while, Xenos.” His tone slipped back to his serious form. “I'm not joking right now, and you know. We both know you've not been like this since Odessa.”

There. He hit the nail on the head, but I could only be quiet for a few seconds.

“Do you only take joy in annoying me, Lowell?” I turned to him, my voice and posture settling into a calm state.

“I tell you the truth, you're not seeing. You barely notice when you do the things I talk about.”

“Shut up—.”

“About what? How I notice you watch her the same way you've always watched Odessa? Or about what happened in the rotunda earlier?” That damn name.

I knew Lowell would eventually use what had happened earlier against me.

“Don't you fucking compare her to Odessa. This girl is nothing like that.”

“Care to explain to me how you mean so I don't misunderstand?” He shot me a knowing glance, a stupid smile tugging at his lips.

“This girl here is everything Odessa is not. Which is why I'm even here when I don't want to.” My fist tightened.

He was quiet for a moment, and as if I knew, Lowell would never let anyone have the last word.

“Do you still have feelings for Odessa?”

Shit. I should never have answered his question, or even let him in this room.