I lay on the bed looking at the ceiling, thinking about my demons, the ones that haunt me in my dreams. I am thankful for all the drama that happened today because I didn’t have time to think about my horrible memories. 25th of June, the day my innocence got ripped from me. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. Every year, when this time of the year comes—I feel dirty. Today, the 25th of June. I still remember his voice. I don’t think I will ever forget it. The whole reason I started writing; to get everything out of my chest. Everything I wrote in my book ‘Behind Closed Doors’ is based on my life, though people might think its fiction. It’s now the best-selling novel, and people don’t even know my actual name. Only Nora and Shawn know about it, and they also think is fiction. No one else knows the author behind those words. If I wasn’t such a coward, I would have studied English lit at the university, but I didn’t.
My mind takes me back to those horrible memories. I was at a party, still young, and wanted to enjoy my youth and not just sit in my dorm room at the boarding school reading all the time, but me sneaking out came with consequences. I remember him grabbing me and pushing me into the dark alley. His dark blue eyes haunt me every time in my sleep. I begged him to let me go, but he didn’t even listen. He kept on ripping my clothes off. He had his way with me and left me there, dirty, bloody, and unable to move.I suddenly felt dirty at the thought of him touching me. I rush to the bathroom and run a bath. I get into the bathtub and fold my long black hair into a bun. I wash every corner of my body repeatedly, tears running down my cheeks. Ever since then, I have dated no one or wanted anything to do with boys. I hate that guy for taking what didn’t belong to him. I hate him for making me feel worthless. Writing that book felt like I was having therapy sessions. Sometimes I think I’m living two different lives and I don’t know which one defines me.Who am I?I have been asking myself this question for the past four years now. I wince in pain and realize that I have been washing the same spot, and now I have hurt myself. I dry myself with a towel—quickly put on my silk pajamas and brush my teeth. I release my hair and run my hand through it.I check the time, it’s 2:30 am. I lie on the bed, cover myself, and look at the ceiling as if it will give me the answers I need and finally drift into a deep sleep at 4:30 am.**** The light coming through the balcony wakes me up. I groan as I pull the duvet up to cover my face. After a while, I drag myself out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take a quick shower. I put on a pair of black jeans and a white hoodie, is 7 am when I finish. I walk out of the room and pad to the kitchen.Carmen is having coffee with Nate, Andrew, and Nana sitting around the kitchen island. She looks pale today, like she is sick or something.“Morning,” I say, and they all turn to look at me. Carmen stands up from her seat and comes to hug me. She drags me to take a seat next to her. Nana prepares coffee for me. “How did you sleep?” Her question makes me think about yesterday. How did I sleep, really?“Good, thank you.” I lie.“You look beautiful, sister-in-law,” Nate compliments. “Thank you.” “Where is Tay?” Carmen asks her sons.“He is in his room. I think he has been up the whole night,” Andrew tells Carmen and takes a sip from his coffee mug.“He is a workaholic. He will get sick if he doesn’t stop working like this, anyway?” she turns to me. “What are you going to do now that you got your degree, Olivia?” Carmen asks.“Um... look for a job.” I lie. I don’t care about the damn degree. All I want to do is write about my entire life. She doesn’t know that I am a published author, and I would like to keep it that way. I’m not ready for people to ask me questions about the book yet. It will open old wounds that are still recovering. “I know an excellent hospital. I’m sure they will be thrilled to have you; your results speak for themselves.” Carmen suggests. “That would be great.” I lie again.“I thought that maybe we could have breakfast together, get to know each other better?” Carmen suggests. “Of course, let me go grab my bag.” I put the coffee mug on the kitchen counter and hurry back to my room, grab my black shoulder bag and walk out of the room.I hear a deep, angry voice dominating the entire living room as I walk down the staircase. I come into view with an angry Tay. He is talking to someone on the phone and looks pissed. “What the hell Danny?” He yelled at the person on the other line. I stand at the bottom of the stairs, observing.“I cannot believe this! When I tell you to do something, you do it. I don’t run a school where you leave homework at home and the only punishment you get is detention. I run a fucking company and excuses are the last thing I need!” He doesn’t hesitate to throw his phone at the wall. He runs his hand through his hair, grabs his jacket, files, laptop bag, and walks toward the door that leads to the garage. “What the hell was that?” I’m still looking at Tay, who is now opening the door to the garage.“I told you he needs to go to anger management classes,” Nate says calmly and grabs his car keys from the couch. “Am I the only who is shocked here!”“Don’t worry sister-in-law you will get used to it,” Nate says, placing his arm over my shoulder and before I can respond, Carmen walks in.“Ready?” Carmen asks, and I nod.“Don’t tell me that this is Tay’s phone?” Carmen asks, but it seems like she already knows the answer to her question because she just sighs and grabs her bag.****Carmen and I arrive at the same restaurant that I punched Ria in. We take a seat on the table at the corner where you can see anyone who walks in. A waiter comes to take our order and Carmen orders a French toast with orange juice and I go with pancakes and coffee.“I spoke to your parents, and we agreed that the wedding will be in three weeks. I know it’s too soon, but you don’t know how happy you made me when you agreed to marry my son.” When I was forced to marry your son.“Me too.” Note the sarcasm.“I’m dying, Olivia, and I want to see all my sons happy before it’s too late. God knows how much I love my sons, but they are clueless about choosing the right women. I have a brain tumor, and there’s nothing the doctors can do for me anymore. Tay, however, hasn’t accepted the situation. He keeps on looking for specialists in my case. I wish he could stop. All I want to do is spend time with my family.” She informs me, and I can’t help but feel sorry for her.TAYMy brothers and I sat around the dinner table in our parent’s mansion. Mom said she wanted to tell me something important. She clears her throat and we all look at her.“Um Tay? Your father and I have decided that it’s time for you to get married. You are not getting any younger, and I want to see all my children happy before…” I cut her off.“Mom, don't talk like that. You are not going anywhere.” I knew mom was running out of time, but I was in denial about her illness. For the past three years, I have been bringing specialist after specialist for her case. They all say the same damn thing.‘Sorry, Mr. Payne, but there is nothing we can do about your mother’s case anymore.’As if I wanted to hear their apologies. Honestly, I don’t think I will survive another loss of someone close to my heart, not again.“Tay, will you listen to me?” Mom pleas and I nod.“We met with Grace and Joe. The Fergusons last month and they have agreed that as soon as their daughter, Olivia graduates you
The breakfast with Carmen went well. She told me about Tay a little more. Carmen is an exceptional mother. The world could use people like her. It is a shame that bad things happen to good people. Why couldn’t my mother get a brain tumor instead? The world would be better off without her.I don’t see her as my mother anymore, and she doesn’t deserve to be called a mother neither. She never called me ever since I was at the Payne’s. What kind of mother is she? Honestly, I don’t know why I even bother thinking about her.Carmen dropped me off at the house a while ago, so here I am sitting on my bed reading about the Payne family online. Tay is 26 years old and CEO of Payne Corporation. He has received some awards for the best businessman of the year. He had his fair share of relationships, but he settled down when he dated Ria Johnson—and they have been dating for a while now. Ria is 23 years old, and a model. I look at the picture of her and Tay. They look good together. I spot mine an
The week passed by as a blur. I haven’t gone home yet, and I don’t even want to go back, although I miss Nora terribly. I got to know the brothers more; we spend most of the time doing puzzles.I enjoyed spending time with them. Tay is a wonderful cook. You would swear that he went to culinary school. Ria came to visit Tay, but he ignored her the whole day, using work as an excuse. Andrew doesn’t like her so much, so he also made work as an excuse.The brothers are amazing. The love they have for each other is incredible.“Morning,” Nana says, walking to the fridge. I’m in my gym gear and my hair is up in a messy bun.“Morning Nana and see you,” she chuckles, and I walk to the front door. I have been going for runs during the past week. I inhale the fresh air and start running.When I get back from my run, I find the brothers eating breakfast.“Did I tell you, you look sexy when you are all sweaty? Sister-in-law,” Nate compliments and takes a bit of his toast, and I let out a ch
My back is pressed against Tay’s hard build-up chest, his arms wrapped around my torso — I can feel his breath against my neck. After the nightmare I had, he hasn’t left my side. He held me in his arms like I would vanish if he let go. He kept on playing with my hair to calm me down and I gave in to his touch. It was comforting. Never in my life have I ever felt safe like I do right now.I try to move, but his grip tightens. He nuzzles his nose in my hair, and chills run down my spine.“Go to sleep, love,” he whispers in my ear, and Goosebumps cover my body within seconds. I let out a breath and closed my eyes.“I will be here when you wake up.” he kisses me at the back of my head and my eyes burn to sleep.****I open my eyes to find a peaceful, beautiful face asleep. Tay looks handsome sleeping; his hair is messy, covering his angelic face. I push the hair from his face and admire his features for a few seconds. I get out of his grip without waking him up and walk to the bathro
The moment Tay’s lips connect with mine, I freeze. I let him kiss me; I don’t respond, even though I want to kiss him back. I don’t want to open something that will only lead me to disappointment. He pulls me even closer, desperate. His hands cup my face, kissing me like I’m going to slip through his fingers. The kiss is full of pain and is rough. He desperately wants me to respond to his kiss, but I can’t even though my body begs me to. The ecstasy that runs through just from his touch is something to me, and it scares the hell out of me that my body responds to his touch.He breaks the kiss when I don’t respond and rests his forehead on mine, eyes closed. He brushes his nose with mine, and I shut my eyes to control my emotions.“Sorry.” he whispers. His breath sends chills up and down my spine.“It’s okay.” I say, and open my eyes to meet his lustful brown ones. He pulls away.The rest of the night goes by quickly, and now it was time to hit home. Andrew did very well; all his ar
I don’t know how long I have been sobbing against Tay’s chest, but one thing I know for sure is that his shirt is soaked. For a moment I wished I was dead, so I couldn’t relive this moment. I finally stop crying and move away from him. One thing I hate is crying in front of people.“Are you okay?” Tay asks with a soft voice.“Yeah, I just need to shower and go to sleep.” “Okay, um… just call me if you need anything.” he says and I nod. He walks out, and I strip out of my wet clothes, take a quick warm shower, and wrap my wet body in a towel.I dress up in my dark blue silk pajamas and walk out of the bathroom. Tay is not in the room, so I get under the sheets and close my eyes.After a while, I hear a door opening and footsteps walking towards the bed. I keep my eyes closed and I know by the scent that fills my nostrils; it’s Tay. He gets under the duvet and pulls me closer to his hard, naked chest and buries his nose in my hair. Later, he lets out a deep breath and pulls me eve
The next day in Tay’s car, I look out of the window as he drives to our destination. Last night he said that he wanted to show me something today.I look over at Tay, and his eyes are focused on the road. He is wearing blue denim jeans, a blue t-shirt, and a black jacket. He turns his head and smiles at me. I return it and look at my surroundings. I have never been to this side of neighborhood before. We pass some buildings and after a while, the car stops.“Come on.” Tay says, and we climb out of his car. He grabs my hand as we make our way towards the building; I look over at our entangled fingers and let out a deep breath. My heart is racing fast. Why am I so afraid? Why can’t I be a normal girl with no demons?The building feels like home, kids are running around, women sitting in a circle. What is this place? We enter an office; a man in his mid-forties is going through some papers.“Hey, Vince?” The man looks up and forms a smile when he sees Tay.“Tay, it’s so good to see
Future’s apartment is a two-bedroom one. The kitchen is small with a kitchen island and three stools around it. Future and I sit on the creamy couch with our glasses of orange juice. Nate and Andrew went to get food since none of us were up for cooking. In my case, I don’t know how to.“So, about you and Andrew?” I ask, trying to break the silence. No one has uttered a single word about what happened ever since we left the mansion.“Nothing is going on between us,” Future says and brings the glass to her mouth.“What happened between you two?” I pry. She sighs and places the glass on the coffee table.“I loved him with all of my heart, I still do. We were together for a long time. We were once close, Nate, Andrew, Tay, and E…” she clears her throat and continues.“One night happened, and everything went downhill. We broke up, and I got a scholarship to study in London, as I told you the other day. I broke any connection that had to do with the Payne brothers. I will be lying if I