Chapter eighteen

Chapter Eighteen: Cole pov

Saturday came faster than I expected.

I woke up at 5am. Couldn't fall back asleep. Just lay there staring at the ceiling, running through every possible version of how dinner could go.

Best case: Everyone talks. Everyone listens. Everyone leaves feeling a little less broken.

Worst case: My father says something cold. Maya walks out. Jay shuts down. I lose everyone in one night.

My phone buzzed. Jay.

You awake?

Yeah, I replied. Can't sleep.

Me neither.

Scared?

Terrified.

Me too.

But we'll do it together.

Together.

I put my phone down. Got out of bed.

The guest house was quiet.

I made coffee. Didn't drink it. Just watched it steam.

My father had chosen the restaurant. Some place downtown. Expensive. Private. The kind of place where conversations didn't carry.

He was trying. I had to give him that.

My phone buzzed again. Maya.

What time?

7pm.

Where?

The place on Maple. I'll send you the address.

Fine.

Thank you for coming.

Don't thank me yet.

I put my phone down. Stared out the window.

The sun was rising. Gold and pink through the trees.

I picked up Jay at 6pm.

He was standing outside his apartment building. Wearing a button-down shirt. Dark jeans. Shoes that looked new.

"You look nice," I said.

"You look like you're about to be sick."

"I'm about to be sick."

Jay got in the car. Leaned over. Kissed my cheek.

"We're going to be okay," he said.

"You keep saying that."

"Because I keep believing it."

I started the car. Drove to the restaurant.

My father was already there when we arrived.

He was sitting at a table in the back. Alone. Drinking water. He stood up when he saw us.

"Cole."

"Dad."

"Jay."

"Mr. Ashford."

My father nodded. Gestured to the chairs. "Sit."

We sat.

The table was round. Four chairs. One empty.

"Maya's not here yet," my father said.

"I know. She texted me. She's on her way."

My father looked at Jay. "Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for inviting me."

"I didn't invite you because I wanted to. I invited you because my son loves you."

Jay didn't flinch. "I know."

"And you love him."

"Yes."

My father was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "That's enough for now."

I felt something loosen in my chest.

Maya walked in at 7:15.

She was wearing a black dress. Her hair was down. She looked tired. But she was here.

She walked to the table. Looked at me. Looked at Jay. Looked at our father.

"I'm not staying long," she said.

"Sit," my father said.

She sat.

The waitress came. Took drink orders. Left.

No one spoke.

The silence was heavy. Thick enough to choke on.

Maya broke it first.

"Why are we here, Dad?"

"Because we need to talk."

"So talk."

My father looked at me. Looked at Jay. Looked at Maya.

"I've been absent," he said. "From all of you. For too long."

"That's not news."

"I know." He leaned forward. "But I'm here now. And I'm trying."

Maya shook her head. "You can't just show up and expect everything to be fixed."

"I don't expect anything."

"Then why are we here?"

"Because I want to know my children. Because I want to know the people they love. Because I'm tired of being alone."

Maya was quiet for a moment.

Then she said, "You're not the only one who's been alone."

My father nodded. "I know."

"Do you? Do you know what it was like? After Mom died? You left. You just... left. Cole and I raised ourselves."

"I know."

"Do you know how many birthdays you missed? How many games? How many nights I cried myself to sleep because I thought you didn't love me anymore?"

My father's eyes were wet. "Maya..."

"No. You wanted to talk. So I'm talking."

She was crying now. Tears streaming down her face.

"I was a child," she said. "And you abandoned me."

My father didn't speak for a long time.

Then he said, "You're right."

"What?"

"You're right. I did abandon you. I buried myself in work because I couldn't face the pain of losing your mother. And I left you and Cole to fend for yourselves."

Maya wiped her eyes. "That's not an apology."

"It's not. It's an explanation. The apology comes next."

He reached across the table. Took her hand.

"I'm sorry, Maya. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I didn't see you. I'm sorry I made you feel unloved."

Maya pulled her hand away. But she didn't leave.

"I don't forgive you," she said.

"I know."

"Not yet."

"I know."

"But I'm not going to walk away."

"That's more than I deserve."

"Maybe. But it's what I've got."

She looked at me. Looked at Jay.

"And you two," she said. "I'm not ready to forgive you either."

"We know," I said.

"You lied to me. Both of you. For weeks."

"I know."

"And you expect me to just be okay with it?"

"No," Jay said. "We don't expect anything."

Maya looked at him. "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

"More than you loved me?"

Jay was quiet for a moment. "It's different. Not more. Not less. Just different."

"How?"

"With you, it was safe. Easy. With him... it's hard. It's scary. But it's real."

Maya nodded. Like she understood.

"That's what I thought," she said.

"You're not angry?"

"I'm tired of being angry." She looked at me. "I'm not saying I forgive you. I'm not there yet. But I'm tired of carrying this around."

"Then don't," I said.

"It's not that simple."

"I know."

We sat in silence. The waitress brought our drinks. No one touched them.

My father cleared his throat. "I'd like to propose something."

"What?" Maya asked.

"Dinner. Once a week. All of us. No phones. No distractions. Just... family."

Maya looked at me. I looked at Jay. Jay looked at my father.

"I'll think about it," Maya said.

"That's all I ask."

Dinner ended at 9pm.

We walked out of the restaurant together. The air was cold. The sky was dark. The stars were out.

Maya hugged me before she left.

"I'm not okay," she whispered.

"I know."

"But I'm getting there."

"That's all I can ask."

She pulled back. Looked at Jay.

"Take care of him," she said.

"I will."

She walked to her car. Got in. Drove away.

My father shook Jay's hand. "Thank you for coming."

"Thank you for inviting me."

"Take care of my son."

"I will."

My father walked to his car. Got in. Drove away.

Jay and I stood in the parking lot. Alone.

"That went better than I expected," he said.

"Much better."

"Your father... he's not what I thought."

"He's trying."

"That's more than most people do."

I took Jay's hand. "Let's go home."

"Your place or mine?"

"Yours. It's closer."

Jay smiled. "Okay."

We drove to his apartment. Walked up the stairs. He unlocked the door.

The apartment was cold. Dark. But it was his.

I sat on the couch. He sat next to me.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"Anything."

"Are you happy?"

I thought about it. Really thought about it.

"Not yet," I said. "But I'm getting there."

"Me too."

Jay leaned into me. I put my arm around him.

We sat like that for a long time. Not talking. Not moving. Just being.

For the first time in months, I felt like everything might actually be okay.