chapter seventeen

Chapter Seventeen :Maya pov

I hadn't seen Cole in three weeks.

Not since the night he came to my apartment. Not since he sat on my couch and told me he wasn't going to stop loving Jay. Not since he left with tears on his face and hope in his eyes.

Three weeks.

I counted every day.

At first, I was angry. Then I was sad. Then I was nothing.

Now I was just... waiting.

Waiting for what, I didn't know.

Sarah came over on Tuesday. She brought pizza. Wine. A stack of movies I'd never heard of.

"You're not going to sit in this apartment forever," she said.

"I know."

"Then come out with me."

"Where?"

"Anywhere. The store. The park. I don't care. Just out."

I looked at the window. The sun was setting. The sky was orange and pink.

"Okay," I said. "Let me get dressed."

We walked to the park.

The same park where I used to play as a kid. The same park where Cole taught me to ride a bike. The same park where Jay and I had our first kiss.

I hadn't been here in months.

Sarah sat on a bench. I sat next to her.

"You're thinking about him," she said.

"Which one?"

"Both."

I nodded.

"You need to stop."

"I can't."

"Then talk to them."

"I'm not ready."

"When will you be?"

I thought about it. Really thought about it.

"Soon," I said. "I think."

Sarah put her hand on mine. "Whenever you're ready, I'll be there."

"I know."

We sat there until the sun went down.

On Wednesday, I got a text from Cole.

Dad knows.

I stared at the screen.

About you and Jay? I replied.

Yes.

How did he take it?

Better than I expected. Worse than I hoped.

What does that mean?

He wants to have dinner. All of us. You, me, Jay, him.

No.

Maya.

No, Cole. I'm not ready.

I know. But he asked.

I don't care what he asked.

Please.

I put my phone down. Picked it up again.

Why should I?

Because he's trying. And I'm trying. And Jay is trying.

That's not enough.

It's a start.

I didn't reply.

On Thursday, I got a text from an unknown number.

Maya, this is Richard Ashford. Cole's father. I know you're not ready to see your brother. But I'd like to see you. Coffee? Just us.

I stared at the screen.

Richard Ashford. The man who had barely looked at me since my mother died. The man who buried himself in work so he didn't have to feel anything. The man who was supposed to protect me but never did.

Why? I replied.

Because you're my daughter. And I've been absent for too long.

I didn't know what to say.

Tomorrow? he asked. 10am. The coffee shop on Main.

I'll think about it.

That's all I ask

I didn't sleep that night.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about my father.

He wasn't a bad man. He just wasn't present. After Mom died, he retreated into work. Into meetings. Into business trips. Into anything that wasn't us.

Cole and I raised ourselves. We made our own dinners. Did our own laundry. Put ourselves to bed.

I stopped expecting him to show up a long time ago.

But now he was asking.

And I didn't know what to do.

I showed up at the coffee shop at 10am.

My father was already there. Sitting in the corner. Drinking black coffee.

He stood up when I walked in.

"Maya."

"Dad."

"Thank you for coming."

"I wasn't sure I would."

"I know."

He sat back down. I sat across from him.

The waitress came. I ordered tea. My father ordered more coffee.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Fine."

"You're not fine."

"I'm fine enough."

He nodded. Didn't push.

"I saw Jay," he said.

"What?"

"I went to see him. At the coffee shop where he works."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to meet him. To judge him. To decide if he was worth your brother's time."

"And?"

My father was quiet for a moment. "He's brave. I'll give him that."

"That's not an answer."

"I know."

I looked at him. Really looked at him. He was older than I remembered. Grayer. Softer.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Why now?"

"Because I've been absent for too long."

"That's what you said in your text."

"Because it's true."

I shook my head. "You can't just show up and expect me to forgive you."

"I don't expect anything."

"Then why are you here?"

My father looked at me. His eyes were tired. "Because I'm trying."

I didn't know what to say to that.

So I said nothing.

We sat in silence. The waitress brought my tea. I didn't drink it.

"I'm not going to tell you what to do," my father said. "About Cole. About Jay. About any of it. You're an adult. You make your own choices."

"Then why did you call this meeting?"

"Because I wanted you to know that I see you. That I've always seen you. Even when I wasn't there."

I felt tears prick my eyes.

"I don't forgive you," I said.

"I know."

"Not yet."

"I know."

"But I'm not going to cut you out of my life."

"That's more than I deserve."

"Maybe. But it's what I've got."

My father nodded.

I stood up. "I have to go."

"Okay."

"Don't call me. I'll call you."

"I understand."

I walked out. Didn't look back.

That night, I texted Cole.

I saw Dad today.

I know. He told me.

He said he wants dinner. All of us.

He does.

When?

Saturday.

I'll be there.

Really?

Don't make me regret it.

I won't.

I put my phone down. Stared at the ceiling.

Saturday. Three days.

I wasn't ready. But I was tired of hiding.