CHAPTER 35

Tink bolted around the corner and swung her hammer through the air. The moment before impact, the handle fired itself straight into one of the bookshelves, splintering the wood and embedding itself in the wall behind it. Tink's swing went wide, and the hammer splintered the floor on impact.

"Fucking, cock-eating piece of shit..." she started, but Mike tuned her out. Smoke was pouring out of the bookshelf now, and he worried that the books would catch on fire. The last thing he needed was another fire in the office.

"Yuki, quick!" He and Beth ran for the shelf and began pulling books down. Yuki stood in the center of the room and blasted the shelf with her magic, trying to cool the room down before it ignited. Frost formed in a giant ring around them as the heat kept ice from forming.

A constant fountain of sparks now emerged from the door handle, and Mike finally grabbed the book shelf and pulled it down, spilling books across the floor. Beth stood across from him, her hands shielding her eyes. He couldn't help but notice the odd shadows the light cast across her body, or how her nipples stood at full attention in the chill of the room. With her arm folded up, her breasts were now pressed together, revealing an ample amount of cleavage.

Focus! He turned back to the handle just as Tink attacked it anew with the hammer, her goggles over her eyes.

A sound like thunder filled the room, and the goblin was blasted into the opposite wall, holding only the handle of her hammer. The room was now like a sauna, and the office disappeared into the mist.

"Tink!" Mike took a deep breath to call for her again, but choked on the thick steam.

"Tink fine," the goblin grumbled from somewhere behind him. "Broke hammer, but okay."

A hand grabbed his and pulled. He followed, and was pulled out into the living room by Beth, who was in turn being pulled by Yuki.

"Tink!" he shouted back into the office. A green figure crawled out of the steam and collapsed on the floor with a grunt. When he knelt by her side, she dramatically flopped onto her back.

"Husband do mouth to mouth," Tink whispered, then pushed her goggles up to reveal closed eyes. "Tink probably die. Maybe."

He rolled his eyes, but leaned in to give her a quick peck on the lips. She grabbed him by the back of the head with both hands and held him in place as her tongue darted into his mouth. Caught off guard, he tried to sit back, which resulted in Tink biting his lower lip as she popped free.

He rubbed his lip and stood, shaking his head.

"Tink saved!" the goblin declared, then stood up and flexed her biceps before throwing herself at him and pinching his butt. "Husband is Tink's hero."

Over his shoulder, Mike heard Beth laugh.

"The steam is clearing," Yuki announced. She was crouched on the floor, and several rivulets of ice ran from her fingertips into the office. She was clearly cooling the air with her magic.

"Let's go see what sort of mess we're in for now." He took the lead, only to have Tink rush ahead of him. She pulled her goggles down and scrutinized the metal handle that was now embedded in the wall.

"Not hot," she declared, then grabbed the handle and pulled. "Stuck good."

"Why would a door handle fly through the house and embed itself in the wall?" Beth wondered, her chin in her hand. "I don't get it."

"I don't think there's anything to get." Mike leaned in close to inspect the handle. It was a nicely twisted piece of black metal, which reminded him of the door handle of a fancy downtown restaurant he had once eaten at. It was bolted neatly into the wall, which was somehow untouched by the heat it gave off earlier. "I have a handle on the wall now."

"For what, though? Is the whole house gonna tilt?" Beth stood by his side now. "Is that the 'Oh, shit' handle for your home?" She grabbed onto it and gave it a pull. "It must be in a stud."

"Please. Don't even suggest things like that. Sometimes I think the house is listening. Now that you've said it, I'm going to find myself crawling down the stairs at two in the morning just to grab this handle to keep from falling out of—"To emphasize his point, he grabbed the handle and pulled.

A loud boom shook the house, and the ground rumbled beneath them. A nearby bookshelf toppled, adding to the mess already on the floor, and Beth let out a scream. Tink grabbed on to Mike's leg and held on for dear life as the wall behind the handle glowed like a tiny star, the plaster burning away beneath it. Two beams of light came from the wall and moved in a large rectangular pattern.

He felt like he had been plugged into a wall socket, and a golden glow surrounded him, rushing down his arm and into the wall. His fingers tightly gripped the handle, and he felt his entire body heat up.

A tone like a church bell sounded, and the shaking stopped. He fell to his knees, and his fingers released the handle. He looked at the palm of his hand, where he had gripped the handle so tightly that the twisted pattern of the metal had been left behind.

"Is this... is this a portal?" He stood and took a step back, looking at Yuki. "It's gotta be, right?"

"I don't think so. It looks like an ordinary door." Yuki frowned. "I don't understand. Does it go outside?"

"No go outside," Tink muttered from the floor. Mike helped her stand. "Stay inside. Tink remember."

"Tink remembers what?"

"Tink show you, understand from out here." The goblin bolted toward the front door and Mike followed. When they walked outside, he let out a groan.

Where the front porch had been extended to include the gazebo, a giant section of the house now stood, and the gazebo had been ripped completely off its foundation. Across the yard, a few centaurs had appeared, weapons ready, and the jabberwock lifted its head from the bushes, the roof of the gazebo falling off of its head. It snorted and lay back down, vanishing into the bushes.