The meeting with Professor Oakley went far better than I thought it would. But even still, I will keep my distance and tell Evie it flopped. I need time to process everything that has transpired. I'm not even sure I believe it myself.
In order to make tutoring successful, I need to come with an outline of questions prepped and ready to go. Evie's memorized my class schedule. I am not sure what to tell her about tutoring before world history. I'm sure I will come up with some reason to be gone.Evie comes waltzing in. Her coffee has stained her notebook. Her face looks frazzled from college life."Well, how did it go this morning with a certain older gentleman?" Of course she jumps right into her interrogation mode, as predicted."Well, it didn't go as well as I had hoped.""Is he married or something?" I honestly hadn't thought to investigate his relationship status. But it's a good enough excuse to get her off my back."Yeah, there was a picture of him and some female on his desk. He has a ring on his finger. I didn't feel like prying. But it appears he's unavailable."I pretend to act sad. Maybe I should be sad. What if he really is married or engaged? What will I do then?"I'm sorry, Cora. I know how much you wanted that to work out? Well maybe it's for the best. I've already found a cute boy for you to hang with just in case something happened. Here's his number and check out his I*******m. His name is Dante Meijers. He's not related to the family who has that large chain of stores. He made a point in telling me so."Typical Evie with her back up plan for my life. I mine as well check this Dante guy out. Professor Oakley made it pretty clear that he is my professor and nothing more. He can deny it all he wants, but Professor Oakley did hit on me. And it must be hard for him to be as young as he is and to teach such young students."Sure, I'd like to meet him. Either way I want to lose my v-card this year and finally get over Spencer and his stupid comments about my body.""Yeah, get it girl. You'll be getting laid in no time with that attitude. And don't worry I'm sure it will be just as special as you want it to be."I know Evie is trying to help but it can be invasive at times. But since she's gone out of her way. I will try to keep an open mind. If she thinks he's a nice guy, I'm sure he is."Thanks. I don't want to rush into anything. When can I meet Dante?""Today. Maybe we could have dinner with him. And I have a confession to make. I am no longer a strong independent woman like I claimed. Benjamin asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes. Maybe we have been in love this whole time. But at least he asked me in the end."My jaw drops and I hug her. I've been hoping this would happen for the longest time."Congrats Evie! That's amazing news. I've been waiting to hear you tell me that for so long. Can we have a double date with Dante and Benjamin tonight?"Evie claps her hands and hugs me again. The idea of going on our first college double date has her turning into a girly squealing mess.Evie arranges the whole date. Dante is Benjamin's new roommate. They live adjacent to us on the campus and Dante drives us. I have the honor of sitting next to him in his car. Dante is half Italian by the looks of it."Hi, Dante. It's nice to meet you. So tell me about yourself.""Well, I'm in a band. We're playing this coming weekend if you'd like to come. Our back is the Black Sparrows. It's not a fancy name. Our lead guitarist Jeff Goldstein was drunk when he came up with the name. We didn't dare challenge him on the matter. I'm a photography major. I'm hoping to take senior pictures, wedding photos, and such when I'm done here. If that doesn't work out I will change my major to music. I'm in a band so at least I have that going for me. How about you?"I hate it when people ask about me. I never know what to say. I'm not that interesting."Well, I'm friends with Evie. I love drawing. I'm an amateur artist. I can show you my drawings on I*******m. And sure I would love to go to your Black Sparrow's concert. Sorry if I'm a little awkward. I have not been on a date since my ex boyfriend dumped me."Dante pulls into the pizza joint and looks at me before he gets out."It's alright. Cora told me about Spencer. I just broke up with my girlfriend of three years, Tammy. I understand what you're going through. We don't have to jump the gun just yet. Let's just see how it goes tonight. No rush on my end."We spend the evening talking about Black Sparrows and the origins of his band. And all the while I'm thinking maybe I could move on from Spencer and forget that I ever had a little crush on my college professor.Winter is the time of year when the snow falls and the bleakness and dry air force my skin to expand and my pours to crack. Fires bring on the warm and heat that defeats the snow and forces it to melt off my skin. As a child snow and sledding brought out a joy in me. Making snow angels with mom was a great comfort in the grand scheme of the world. We would both wear our infamous snow gear and glide together through the snow on sleds or throw snowballs at each other.When it came to snow forts we weren't the best at designing igloos. My mother's lack of building skills didn't include a roof. Her designs for a snow structure were more like a wall and was more often than not used as a defense mechanism against another snowball fight. At the end of all our snow play, I could always count and rely on mom to make cookies and hot chocolate. She would melt dark chocolate on a stove and add milk and all kinds of spices like a potions master and within five minutes heaven was created. Heaven
My appetite comes and goes. I'm craving weird things. It's like I'm a new and different person than I've ever been before. Being pregnant is a weird feeling, it's an out of body experience. Something or someone rather is growing inside of me and I have no say or control over how their development will affect my body. It's Christmas break and all the festivities are starting. I haven't bought my mom or Evie anything for Christmas. Me: Would you like to go Christmas shopping with me? Isaac: Sure. It's a bit unexpected but I'm not doing anything right now. Want me to pick you up? Me: Sure, I really need to talk to you. Isaac: Okay. I will be there in ten minutes. Isaac is true to his word, in less than ten minutes he and his car pull into my driveway. Mom knows why I am going out. It's time to confess to at least one of the Oakley brothers. I don't have the heart to tell Blake without Isaac's support. Isaac gets out of the car and opens the door for me. His car is full of booster
Mom and Evie accompany me to my baby appointment. The waiting room smells like toddler poop, latex gloves, and baby vomit. Other mothers with varying sizes of belly bumps fill the room. Some are glowing and some look defeated. Two women are crying and one is nursing. Being a mother looks sacrificial and confusing, maybe this is a bad idea. I don't have to be a mom. Someone else could raise it and Blake would never need to know. Perhaps Blake being out of my life is for the best."Cora Wellington." A nurse calls my name and Evie and mom follow behind me."Well, this is it. We are going to find out the gender.""Actually today you will get an ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. As for the gender it's probably to early to tell. We will have to see."The truth is I haven't had a period in two months but I haven't put much thought into it. I just figured stress and being bullied changed my body chemistry. I never considered pregnancy, not once. I suppose most women my age wouldn't consider
A week goes by, finals have come and gone. That little place on campus where Professor Oakley once had an office is now empty. The professor he filled in for has agreed to return. Finals week was hard to get through and everyone found out of course.The double date got cancelled. Isaac texts me from time to time to see if I'm alright. Little does he know that we really are going to be family soon. He will be the uncle of the child inside me. He's been like a big brother to me for awhile now, and I'm happy to say it has been most comforting.The two pink lines have been terrifying and I haven't had the courage to tell my mom about it. She'd be happy and disappointed. I know she wouldn't turn me away. I'm her only family. Everyone in my family has left or died. We only have each other for every holiday. A baby would brighten her world and I know she'd be a wonderful grandma.My car is still full of my university boxes and suitcases. I've been too lazy to lift them and too concerned the
Packing my belongings is hard. Although, President McIntyre has given me his permission to live on campus through finals week, I prefer to commute regardless of the long drive. I haven't told Evie about Blake and our double date. Isaac sprung that on him, and he truly didn't seem interested in pursuing us. My hopes of having what we once had together has diminished. I'm the reminder of the biggest mistake of his life.He made it known that I'm a reminder of his downfall. His career ending falls on my lips and ends at my feet. His biggest regret is bumping into me that first day, when all his papers went flying. I didn't know it then, but it was the beginning of the end.My stomach aches and churns. I go to the bathroom and throw up. It's not like me to get sick. When I'm ill it's usually colds and migraines. Stomach illnesses are for other people who don't wash their hands prior to eating. Perhaps the emotional roller coaster I'm facing has triggered the vomit response within me. It's
Walking away from Cora isn't exactly what I wanted. But it's necessary if I am to ever move on from here. Nordstrom University is my low point, following the death of my Stacey."You bastard. You bloody coward. Cora did everything for you and you turned her back on her. You rat bastard. She was going to fuck someone else to save your job. She came clean because I found out about Dante. And you turn her down now. Now after President McIntyre knows. What has gotten into you?" Isaac asks as he helps me clean up my office."I knew you'd say something like that. I don't expect you to understand. You have the perfect life. I'm a mess." I start placing my photos and memories of Stacey that are hidden in my office closet into the boxes that President McIntyre had sent up for me."You don't know what you're talking about," Isaac says."Sure, I do. You have the perfect family and a loyal wife. She's alive. She's breathing."Isaac takes a large cardboard box and slams it down on my desk."No, s